Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
Boorman and the Devil
– (2025) – Documentary that explores the creation of Exorcist II: The Heretic, one of the worst movies ever concocted by humans with actual talent. A mostly-fascinating recount of how a thought-promising script became a filming nightmare thanks to so many unforeseen circumstances. We often laugh at films that bomb financially, yet the final third illustrates the sadness of those involved as no one intends to create art worth laughing at. Informative and ultimately emotional.
Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma
– (2026) – A queer director is hired to reboot a horror series about a killer who was raised as a boy and a girl. Takes a meta approach to storytelling that tries to keep this from becoming an ordinary slasher, but neither the movie itself, nor the movie-within-the-movie works very well. The results aren’t as thought-provoking nor as emotionally complex as intended since the wussy music is a distraction against conventional angst, the killer’s air vent design is laughably distracting, while the whole point is swallowed up by an uneven narrative tone. Simply put: a mess.
Night Harvest
– (2024) – Two couples on a road trip befall a killer who wears a pumpkin over his head. Oh, and for some reason one the characters can start fires with his mind. An all around waste of bandwidth since the participants say and do nothing of significance, yet act as though every move they make is insightful. Only has a few moments of violence, but there’s plenty of chatter among drab nobodies.
– (1988) – Friends renovating a house are picked off by a laughing killer. Features nothing purposeful or original, besides one character who’s wise to the horror genre. Murders are scarce, but the ’80s slasher vibe is high.
– (1985) – A man who becomes obsessed with wizardry summons small creatures. The ghoulies are secondary to the lame magic plot, which doesn’t matter because neither aspect amounts to anything. What ultimately kills this, though, is awful acting and a savagely dull pace.
– (1981) – Four friends staying overnight at a funhouse fall victim to a mutant killer. Has an involving set-up and likeable characters, while the carnival atmosphere is nothing short of dynamic. Drastically slows halfway through, but remains decent even when dull.
Krampus 2: The Devil Returns
– (2016) – Kris Kringle and his demonic brother punish bad kids and those who intend to stop them. If the intentions were to create a film with no excitement, no character worth caring about, and no reason to follow up the previous dud, then this succeeds admirably. Anyone looking for a film with a purpose and a pulse should look elsewhere.
The Devil Bat
– (1940) – A scientist invents an aftershave that lures killer bats to his victims. Leans toward the dull side, but presents enough amusements to hold attention. The humor feels forced, but the horror is commendable.
Resident Evil: Vendetta
– (2017) – Familiar characters return to stop a man who lost his wife from spreading a deadly virus. A bland blend of vapid action scenes, dragging exposition, and a plot that generates no concern. Despite all the activity, there’s never a moment of excitement or dread.
The Plague of the Zombies
– (1966) – A doctor investigates voodoo related incidents that cause the dead to rise. Steadily builds an involving mystery through minimal horror and witty dialog. Hard to judge since the genre took the zombie notion to more exciting heights, but even for the atmosphere alone this is commendable.
Scary Movie (2026)
– (2026) – Someone’s stalking the children of the main characters of the original Scary Movie. That’s basically the entire plot, since any other story intentions are lost to an assault of jokes. While there are no huge laughs, and some humor lands with a thud, there’s plenty to chuckle over throughout thanks largely to the antics of returning cast members from prior entries (this is Part 6). Feels as though it was edited with a hand mixer, as scenes come and go without cohesion, but by the end just-enough fun is had.
Witchcraft IV: Virgin Heart
– (1992) – A lawyer investigates a stripper who has ties to an evil blues artist. Attempts to have a mysterious noir vibe, but fails by spiking boredom to inhumane levels. An overwrought mess with nothing to care about.