Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (1999) – A man on a mission of peace ends up battling a horde of cannibals alongside twelve other warriors. A trivial mess that somehow turns sword battles into tests of endurance. Characters have no depth, the story is too basic, and the victories throughout too easily won. More along the lines of a Lord of the Rings film without any purpose or meaning.
– (1986) – A solo driver picks up a human nightmare he can’t get rid of. The horror and action range from realistic to far fetched, making the outcome equally intense and frustrating. Not explaining the hitcher’s abilities hurts, unless you buy that he’s just evil, but many of his deeds are hard to forget.
– (1994) – Subhumanoid twins on opposite sides of good and evil battle for the fate of Tromaville. Piles on enough lame humor and meaningless action to congest a global fallout shelter. Never the good kind of bad.
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
– (1977) – A family on their way to California become stranded in a desert where the hills conceal a cannibalistic clan. Involving from the start, and doesn’t wait long before becoming relentlessly violent and suspenseful. Some events border on silly, but most are raw and unforgiving.
Terror Tract
– (2000) – Anthology of three stories that focus on a murder, a monkey and premonitions. A little on the dull side, and wears a bright badge of mediocrity, but always maintains involvement. Has a great opening and an even greater conclusion.
The Plague of the Zombies
– (1966) – A doctor investigates voodoo related incidents that cause the dead to rise. Steadily builds an involving mystery through minimal horror and witty dialog. Hard to judge since the genre took the zombie notion to more exciting heights, but even for the atmosphere alone this is commendable.
Vault of Horror
– (1973) – Anthology of five stories that focus on vampires, a neat freak, a magical rope, a buried man and a voodoo artist. Each tale is pretty bland, but they often finish unpredictably. Moves fast, but never raises the creep factor above moderate.
Carnival of Souls (1998)
– (1998) – Ensuing a watery car accident, a woman has premonitions of an abusive clown… who’s dead. Tries hard to come off as weird, and certainly is, but nothing straight nor uneven has any meaning or depth. Raises curiosity, but the results are always lame.
Decampitated
– (1998) – Campers are victimized by a killer who can’t seem to kill anyone. The comedy outweighs the horror by a megaton, as a failed joke is attempted every two seconds. Though someone might have suggested otherwise, these actors are not comedians.