Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (1971) – Police investigate a woman’s dream of death that comes to fruition. An always developing murder mystery that holds attention throughout, buts never warrants emotion. Spooky once or twice, but it’s mostly on the dull side.
– (2020) – A small cult traps a couple of social workers in a hotel that houses an alleged killer. Doesn’t have memorable characters nor a commendable plot, but does skirt by on some stark atmosphere and a short length. Nothing new, but it’s a relatively easy watch.
– (1974) – A girl falls under fleeting spells of possession ensuing her grandfather’s death. Some of her outbursts are unintentionally ridiculous (thus hilarious) and steal attention from the dull remains. Bad, but not quite bad enough.
Demented Death Farm Massacre
– (1971) – Jewel thieves on the run from the law lay low on a farm run by a short tempered hillbilly and his “attractive” wife. Incredibly stupid (on purpose) but moves too fast to irritate. Colorful characters highlight the ordinary and immature story.
The Ruins
– (2008) – Vacationing friends are trapped on a Mexican temple that sprouts killer vines. There’s nothing too distinct about the characters, but the horror is often tense and gruesome. Offers a surplus of shocks all the way through.
Blood Nasty
– (1989) – A dead man returns to life, causing his family to fight over his inheritance. Has a unique take on greed and some genuine touches of dark humor. There’s not a lot of horror, but a few bloody moments do arise.
Vault of Horror
– (1973) – Anthology of five stories that focus on vampires, a neat freak, a magical rope, a buried man and a voodoo artist. Each tale is pretty bland, but they often finish unpredictably. Moves fast, but never raises the creep factor above moderate.
Camp Blood: Clown Shark
– (2024) – The severed head of a killer clown conjoins with a fish in a lake and becomes a murderous shark. There’s sort of a story involving the girl who killed that clown and the town that’s grateful for his demise, but that’s the only progression provided. Almost has a great homage to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre III trailer, but the overall cheapness sours that aspect as well.
Pep Squad
– (1998) – The kidnapping and murder of a high school principal leads prom queen contenders on a path of violence. A sour attempt at becoming the next Heathers that fails miserably thanks to sloppy writing and some truly awful acting. Has a lot going on, but not with anyone credible.