Popeye IV: Resurrection
– (2026) – The survivor of a mutant killer becomes entangled with a cult that revives said killer. Most of this is a contrived drama about helping others as a means of persevering, but try not to lose track of how many times you yawn through the dull progressions. Gets slightly better when violence finally arrives, but only because there are less derivative characters to put up with. The worst entry in a series of absolute wretch.
Popeye III: Requiem
– (2026) – A drug enhanced super sailor escapes from a science facility and lays waste to anyone in his way. Barely has a plot, as this only serves to exploit a well-known IP by attempting to add comical violence to what was once considered family friendly harm. Well, I’m not laughing. I’m not cringing, either, as all of the carnage is repetitive, poorly staged, and created with feeble FX. An unoriginal waste of time and resources.
Popeye Returns
– (2026) – A sailor with mutant strength takes out his militaristic problems on the small world around him. Looking for a plot? Grab a telescope and twist the lens for miles. You won’t find one. Luckily this is short, because the scarce violence and bland characters do nothing to hold concentration. A weary void that manages to end with one credible threat: “to be continued.”
Party Night
– (2017) – Three couples decide to party at an abandoned house after the prom, but find themselves stalked by a killer. While there’s absolutely nothing new to this, the female acting isn’t bad and the script delivers some realistic lines. Sadly, the gore scenes are all but ruined by blood that has too much of an orange tint, as though vodka sauce runs through everyone’s veins. Generic, but more enjoyable than many other no-budget slashers.
Big Baby
– (2025) – A struggling writer attempts to bring life to a murderer he’s dreaming about, but said killer might already exist in reality. Aims for something unique with the narrative, but gets bogged down by moments taken so seriously they come across as camp. The lead actor’s disjointed performance doesn’t help either, since his slip into madness comes dangerously close to comical. Starts okay, but worsens as it unfolds.
Abomination: The Evilmaker II
– (2003) – A spirit makes trouble for those who return to the house in which she died. Despite a lot of ghoulish happenings, they’re mostly bogged down by a dragging pace. Far from expertly made, but ties well with the first film and is competent enough to make for a relatively easy watch, especially since it’s only 79-minutes long.
– (2011) – Mechanical devices are picking off cheerleaders and their easy conquests at a training site. A story is barely existent, characters do nothing significant, and the point is rather dopey. Solely gets by on incredible female nudity.
– (1992) – A rugged cop hunts a killer who’s ripping out human hearts in flood-ravaged London. Moves pretty fast and has a steadily building mystery. Too much of the humor is silly, however, while the neat-looking villain is all but unseen.
– (1998) – A group of resourceful thinkers are summoned to investigate a spaceship that landed in an ocean some 300-years ago. The first half is filled with dramatic discoveries and tense action, but the second half ruins everything with dopey explanations and repetitive banter. Sloppy and ultimately annoying.
I Spit Chew on Your Grave
– (2008) – A group of dirtbags under the control of a mystical man steal a winning lotto ticket from vengeful white trash. Full of non-PC humor, which is a plus, but the acting is awful even by Chris Seaver standards. Ugly, pointless, and (worst of all) unfunny.
Killer Crocodile
– (1989) – A radioactive crocodile attacks an Amazon-ish area. Starts with a perfectly chintzy shot that raises hope for what follows, but doesn’t take long to drift down a river of nothingness. Enough occurs to keep this afloat, but too many stretches are far too dull.
Zombie Nightmare
– (1986) – A guy who’s struck down by a car is resurrected to exact revenge on his assailants. Fails to generate much interest, mainly because the lead villain is killed only two-thirds in. The slow pace doesn’t help, but some of the stupidity is amusing.
Headhunter
– (1989) – A male and female cop track a killer who decapitates his victims in the name of voodoo. Some enjoyable character interactions overshadow the unclear horror plot. The drama wins over terror, although most situations are cliched.
Camp Blood 3 (aka Within the Woods)
– (2005) – A reality show is filmed on the grounds where the previous entries took place and, sure enough, someone in a clown mask is picking everyone off. Attempts something unique (for the time), but still succumbs to the same low-budget trappings that destroys its independent credibility. A humorless, goreless, careless waste of time.
Beware! Children at Play
– (1989) – Idiot parents in the Bible Belt search for missing children who’ve joined a murderous cult. Awful on every account, but the acting and dialog deserve crowns for their brazen wretchedness. Has one of the most gloriously crude and offensive finales of any motion picture to date.