V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
Boorman and the Devil
– (2025) – Documentary that explores the creation of Exorcist II: The Heretic, one of the worst movies ever concocted by humans with actual talent. A mostly-fascinating recount of how a thought-promising script became a filming nightmare thanks to so many unforeseen circumstances. We often snicker at films that bomb financially, yet the final third illustrates the sadness of those involved as no one intends to create art worth laughing at. Informative and ultimately emotional.
Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma
– (2026) – A queer director is hired to reboot a horror series about a killer who was raised as a boy and a girl. Takes a meta approach to storytelling that tries to keep this from becoming an ordinary slasher, but neither the movie itself, nor the movie-within-the-movie works very well. The results aren’t as thought-provoking nor as emotionally complex as intended since the wussy music is a distraction against conventional angst, the killer’s air vent design is laughably distracting, while the whole point is swallowed up by an uneven narrative tone. Simply put: a mess.
– (1998) – An old Van Helsing tacks young vampires in present day LA, and enlists the help of gang members. Quirky characters, an airy tone, and a fast pace make for an enjoyable time. A ’90s time capsule that ends too abruptly.
– (1974) – Women stranded in Dracula’s castle become vampires in order to bring his daughter back to life. An unoriginal and uneven bore that takes the same tired routine and drives it into the ground. Feels like an elementary school project.
– (2025) – Three friends travel to a former youth camp to uncover the mystery of a deceased murderer who’s still active in one of their dreams. The strongest compliment is that this entry doesn’t copy the original film’s corny concept. Despite obvious ties to A Nightmare on Elm Street, Curtains, Iced, etc., this sequel feels fresher by featuring deeper characters and more imaginative situations. Though 90% consists of human drama, the minimal horror inclusions are worth waiting for.
The American Scream
– (1988) – A vacationing family crosses paths with a killer, but never seem bothered enough to leave their vacation. An uneven mess with terror that isn’t scary and humor that isn’t funny. Certainly quirky, but nothing that occurs is worth retaining.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
One Dark Night
– (1983) – Girls spend the night in a mausoleum where a corpse lures other corpses out of their tombs. Has equal traces of teenage initiation banter and zombie horror nonsense, but they never quite gel. A little creepy, but mostly stale.
I Walked with a Zombie
– (1943) – A nurse is hired to care for a catatonic woman on an island of rampant voodoo. The atmosphere and ritual inclusions hold attention, but the pace makes an hour feel like a day. Lacks suspense and a substantial purpose.
13 Slays Till X-Mas
– (2020) – Anthology of 13 stories that focus on a damaging wreath, a dead wife, serial killers, a suicidal father, a mutant tree, a murderous clown, a summoned butcher, a bug-eyed assassin, a cop pursuing a suspect, an angry radio DJ, demons, woodland creatures and yuletide vengeance. A perfectly atrocious concoction of tales that never last long enough to matter in the most rudimentary sense. It’s too brightly lit, too badly acted, and too badly written to do anything but irritate. Nothing new.
Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV
– (2000) – Toxie returns to fight his evil Doppelganger with help from “special” students. The narrative is a bit disjointed, as one moment we’re dealing with strong political viewpoints while the next treats us to gore and humor of the crudest variety. Still a fun time with incomparable highlights, and Tito steals the show.