Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (2009) – The delivery of movie rentals leads four friends to a town where monsters seek an alleged Van Helsing. The spoof aspects don’t always work, and everything after the karaoke finale kind of stinks, but the characters are likable and some of the humor isn’t bad. A dopey-but-fun time waster.
– (2018) – Burt Gummer travels to the Arctic to take on a spiraling form of Graboid. Has the repetition expected of a sixth entry, but also has some brushes with genuine humor and excitement. Routine, but provides plenty of enjoyment with new characters and old scenarios.
– (2012) – Vacationing friends become stranded by men and animals in an abandoned radioactive community. Makes the characters so gratingly unlikable that it’s hard not to root for their demises. Often creates loud bangs to divert the increasing boredom.
Demented Death Farm Massacre
– (1971) – Jewel thieves on the run from the law lay low on a farm run by a short tempered hillbilly and his “attractive” wife. Incredibly stupid (on purpose) but moves too fast to irritate. Colorful characters highlight the ordinary and immature story.
Dogs of Hell
– (1982) – Trained Rottweilers are accidentally unleashed upon a small town. Nothing between the characters raises interest, and the few dog shots are wasted opportunities to breathe life into the doldrums. Filmed as though it had a serious purpose, but ends up a gigantic bore.
Porno Holocaust
– (1981) – Scientists travel to a radioactive island where a zombie is on the loose. The movie itself is rotten, but the graphic sex scenes are almost justified by characters who otherwise face standard movie situations. Features a lot more porno than holocaust.
The Serpent and the Rainbow
– (1988) – A medical researcher travels to a third world country to acquire the secrets of voodoo. Too polished for a movie that’s shot in filth, and too light for a story that deals with death. Not bad, but nothing is entirely believable.
Halloween Horror Tales
– (2018) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a killer clown, a targeted scream queen, murderous vegetation, and a small town vampire. None of the stories feature anything close to innovative, let alone anything that takes place on Halloween. A dirt cheap outing with atrocious storytelling and worse acting.
Witchcraft IV: Virgin Heart
– (1992) – A lawyer investigates a stripper who has ties to an evil blues artist. Attempts to have a mysterious noir vibe, but fails by spiking boredom to inhumane levels. An overwrought mess with nothing to care about.