The Houses October Built 2
– (2017) – To recover from their trauma of a violent haunted house experience, a group of friends embark on a tour of haunted house attractions. The whole film is basically an excuse to travelogue actual haunt attractions while ultimately adding one as “real” fictional danger to serve their selfish purposes. This isn’t a movie so much as a documentary meshed with an uninvolving narrative.
Midget Zombie Takeover
– (2013) – A small group of friends attending a hot tub party encounter zombies, one of whom is short. This feels like nothing more than a weekend shoot among non-actors and non-filmmakers flaunting how characters with zero personalities can resist a handful of meandering zombies. Nice try, title, but the only midget involved sits within the brain of this dud’s creator.
Last Shift
– (2014) – A rookie police officer on her first night in a closing precinct experiences a wide variety of haunts. This is a constant battle between two elements: bad drama and bad horror. Each area lacks fleshing out, leaving us with a dull lead battling trivial ghostly shenanigans. There’s simply not enough known about anyone or anything involved, which cripples any chance this had at becoming suspenseful. You can’t fear what you don’t care about.
Don’t Move (2026)
– (2026) – Something is picking off patrons of a wooded religious retreat, prompting strangers to band together in the name of survival. A mostly lame experience that begins with perhaps the cheesiest family ever committed to film, yet the characterizations only worsen thereafter. There isn’t a single person who’s realistically relatable, so when the horror finally kicks in we accept reprieve in their deaths. Far more irritating that intimidating.
Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
– (2002) – A group of friends decide to party in an abandoned factory where a woman with metal implements shreds them. Doesn’t have an original bone in its body, and the kills are repetitive, but plenty of blood is shed so not all is lost. A typical slasher with all the character types you’ve come to expect, but it never overstays its welcome.
– (1968) – Astronauts unwittingly bring back an ooze from an asteroid that morphs into monsters. Though the goofy special F/X and creature designs do amuse, they’re all but wasted in a movie that refuses to move beyond the speed of molasses. Might have worked better if it displayed a pulse.
– (2005) – Jigsaw torments criminals to get back at the cop who illegally detained them. The repellent characters grate on nerves, but it’s fun to watch them writhe their way through one violent moment after another. Has a few inconsistencies, and the over-stylized editing kills a steady flow.
Night of Something Strange
– (2016) – A group of friends on a Spring Break vacation encounter a killer who spreads his murderous plague. The characters are pure stock, but the horror does try to make up for such shortcomings. Within the first half hour is necrophilia, rape, scat, tampon eating, urine drinking, and vomiting. If that sounds like fun, climb on board, if not, run from this as fast as you can.
Meth Gator
– (2023) – An alligator goes on the attack after eating a supply of meth. The title and concept might suggest a cheesy good time, but one aspect kills the entire experience: it’s flat out boring. You’ve seen these characters before, you’ve seen this plot before, you’ve seen the shoddy CGI before. Bad, but not in a fun way.
The Zombie Diaries
– (2006) – Bland humans film themselves as they take on the living dead. Every molecule of its being has already been beaten to death by other films, from the POV angle to zombies in general. A hundred zombie flicks have come before, and a hundred will follow, but most won’t be as forgettable as this one.
The Devil’s Hand
– (1962) – In order to get laid by a witch, some guys enters a voodoo cult. Has one good idea involving dolls, but the rest is standard hoodoo nonsense. Only 71-minutes, but shoves patience to the brink.
Demonic Toys: Jack Attack
– (2023) – A clown and a jack-in-the-box make trouble for a few orphanage patrons. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, as the plot isn’t exactly air tight, but there are worse ways to kill an hour. The acting is decent, the pace is quick, and the violence is (mostly) supplied with practical F/X. Good, but far from great.
The Toxic Avenger Part II
– (1989) – Toxie travels to Japan to find his father as an evil corporation takes over Tromaville. Never pretends to rise above schlock, and by doing whatever it wants provides an ample amount of non-PC fun. A bloody and hilarious delight with an incredibly likeable hero.