Evil Dead Burn
– (2026) – A young widow visits the family of her deceased husband only to discover their dysfunction has ties to demonic possession. Mainly gets by on violence and some neat camerawork, since there isn’t a single character worth cheering for. This is by far the lesser entry in the series mainly because the participants are just as despicable as humans as they are as deadites. Every moment is so dour and humorless that the weight of the depression gets tiresome fast, which ultimately leads to empty mayhem.
Ice Cream Man (2026)
– (2026) – Kids who eat ice cream from the same vendor become possessed killers who slaughter every adult that nears them. A giddy show of violence that spills blood, intestines and puke all over the screen. It’s fun as such, and the teen/pre-teen actors aren’t bad, but the backstory, and only point of drama, is pretty lackluster. In all this is a goofy good time that’s short and moves fast.
The Last Amityville Movie
– (2023) – A man who receives a doorknob from a haunted house starts experiencing minor haunts. Acknowledges the vast amount of Amityville movies before becoming one, but the premise isn’t as clever as intended since it never provides finality as to why these movies exist nor why they absolutely should end. It’s just another cruddy Amityville movie with a misleading title.
Once Upon a Time in Amityville
– (2024) – Bounty hunters seek a refuge in a haunted town. It’s hard to fathom how a film that only runs 71-minutes can cause such monumental grief. The main reason this equates torture is largely due to languidness. The diminutive cast does little but meander from one scene to the next while occasionally coming across a cheap effect. There’s simply no life to the proceedings, as though the digital imprint itself is dead.
Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
– (2017) – A small crew filming a zombie movie come under attack from real zombies. Or do they? The first 37-minutes is comprised of one shot that, while impressive, is still just a zombie flick. The real magic rests in the final hour, as the fabricated showing of real-time events amuses more than the opening gimmick. Unique and often hilarious, but tends to drag in spots.
– (1998) – A bimbo with an amulet returns from death to fight crime and screw men. Not much didn’t already occur in The Crow, and the only highlights (sleaze) are badly staged. Short, but rambles on and on.
– (1984) – A bar owner hires a hitman to kill his cheating wife and her lover, opening the door to his own murder and shifted blame. Has a tense story that’s full of creative turns, but lacks characters to sympathize with. Memorably vicious, but emotionally empty.
Night of Something Strange
– (2016) – A group of friends on a Spring Break vacation encounter a killer who spreads his murderous plague. The characters are pure stock, but the horror does try to make up for such shortcomings. Within the first half hour is necrophilia, rape, scat, tampon eating, urine drinking, and vomiting. If that sounds like fun, climb on board, if not, run from this as fast as you can.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack
– (2012) – Ravenous albino sharks invade the realm of bimbos and jarheads. Has something of a plot involving slobs vs. snobs, but is mostly about random horror and rampant stupidity. Awful as a linear film, but does entertain here and there with some genuine humor.
ParaNorman
– (2012) – A kid who can see spirits must save his town from a vengeful witch. Ditches the I-See-Dead-People gimmick halfway through, and rarely does anything focused. Too dark for kids, too immature for adults, and too full of jokes that died decades ago.
Hoodoo for Voodoo
– (2006) – A group of friends travel to New Orleans where they fall victim to murderous possessions. Has a few inventive kills and moves relatively fast, but the humor is pitiful and the production too murky. Aims to please, but hits too many lame marks.
Evil Bong 666
– (2017) – A shopkeeper of weed summons a familiar enemy and the devil. Just as meaningless as the previous entries, yet goes out of its way to become more annoying. Possibly fun for those involved, but a painful experience for the rest of us.
Bride of Killer Nerd
– (1992) – A complete imbecile and his moronic companion do away with their enemies on a joint spree. Improves upon the original simply because scenes don’t drag as long and the overall length is shorter. An inept attempt at entertainment.