Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (2011) – Someone is killing sorority girls, and their associates, with the idea that he’s putting them to sleep. Tries to come off as a throwback to ’80s slashers, but mostly duplicates the faults that ruin films of any decade. Poorly acted, completely illogical, and with the worst line dancing since The Howling: New Moon Rising.
– (1999) – A homicidal hermaphrodite further complicates an already screwed up movie set. Every scene arrangement feels jumbled, though most of the chaotic events are zany and far from politically correct. Gets better after a lousy beginning, but full blown enjoyment comes in small doses.
– (1997) – Uppity criminals torment an uppity family on three thorough games of murder. Hard to root for or against anyone, since nobody’s fleshed out beyond roles of good and evil. An overdramatic, pretentious, and simplistic bore.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
– (2003) – Five friends on their way to Dallas befall a cannibalistic clan of killers. Sticks to the original’s basic formula, but can’t match the importance since the heroes are bland fashion models while the villains try too hard to agitate. Has graphic horror elements, but the ’70s atmosphere is non-existent and the conclusion is resentful.
Food of the Gods Part 2
– (1989) – A scientist who invents a solution to shrink a giant child mistakenly makes rats huge. The overgrown kid steals the show in two horrendous yet hysterical scenes. Everything else becomes a run of the mill Jaws rip-off.
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
– (2017) – A woman who’s been battling a corporate viral outbreak for many years returns to the epicenter of her problems to end all the madness. Follows the same formula as the previous entries by placing computerized technology over any human traits. A jumbled mess that has no flow, no involvement, and no reassurance that this is actually the end.
Voodoo Island
– (1957) – Constructors of a vacation spot return a zombie to the island that zombified him. The island isn’t reached until the 40-minute mark, when only minute actions finally occur. The bulk consists of drama that’s ruined by overly talkative characters.
Ghosthouse
– (1988) – A radio and computer “expert” investigates a distress call coming from a house where people died 20 years earlier. Some of the atmosphere is strong, and the rare occurrences of gore are highly commendable. The awkward acting and cheesy dialog, however, nearly ruin all positive achievements.
Night Beast
– (1982) – An alien arrives in a small town and immediately causes minor and mass destruction. Gets off to a cheesy and explosive start before slowing into common Z-grade slop. Has some okay gore, but not a lot happens overall.