Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (2023) – Cast and crew members are picked off by an unknown aggressor while filming a remake of The Mutilator. Matches the dramatic campiness of the first film, but doesn’t hold a candle to the former’s relentless gore. There’s certainly violence, especially toward the end, but nothing as excruciatingly vicious as what’s come before. When all is said and done, there’s really no need for this film’s existence, but there are worse ways to rehash old memories.
– (1975) – Drivers race across America in weapon ready cars and aim for pedestrians as their point achievements. A slick, sick riot with a ton of unexpected events that only slows down when building on the lesser social aspect. Violent entertainment at its most absurd.
– (1987) – A serial killer puts a city on edge by butchering people with AIDS. Has a strong premise that’s followed through with commendable character developments and vicious murders. Hits a few sour notes, but needn’t have become so forgotten.
Deathbone, Third Blood Part VII: The Blood of Deathbone
– (2011) – An elf seeks a barbarian to assist her in bringing down a goblin. The production aspects won’t win over those who prefer their movies polished, and the plot is rather typical to the fantasy genre, but what makes this so much fun are the lines among the frenzied cast. The deliveries of Chris Seaver’s unique dialog are as humorous as the words themselves. Maybe not great “cinema,” but great entertainment.
King Kong Lives
– (1986) – King Kong encounters hillbillies and the military on his quest to reclaim Lady Kong. The pathetic concept warrants laughter from all involved, as it’s played entirely straight. Almost too bad to believe, but a few moments actually work.
Resident Evil: Afterlife
– (2010) – Survivors of a zombie outbreak band together and fight their way to safety. Some of the visual FX are neat, and sporadic violence is a plus, but a slow pace only permits mild excitement. Familiar, overstylized gibberish.
From a Whisper to a Scream
– (1987) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a lonely murderer, a greedy thief, carnival lust, and young Civil War survivors. While none of the tales make much sense, each has its own creepy vibe and some violent moments that are hard to shake. A dark, atmospheric, and bloody good time that ends with a truly humorous line.
Carnival of Souls (1998)
– (1998) – Ensuing a watery car accident, a woman has premonitions of an abusive clown… who’s dead. Tries hard to come off as weird, and certainly is, but nothing straight nor uneven has any meaning or depth. Raises curiosity, but the results are always lame.
The Butchers
– (1973) – Deli workers are supposedly offering meat from humans. A moment or two occurs between butchers and consumers, but none make sense of whatever the hell this is about. A meaningless wreck that lacks a single positive event.