Camp Murder (2021)
– (2021) An escaped mental patient dons the mask of a prankster and kills people in nearby woods. Still another backyard cheapie with a premise that rips off two known franchises while single-handedly killing its own. Movement is rapid, but every kill looks the same.
Things 5: Strange Monsters
– (2019) – A bug-eyed alien chews on men and women involved in a model shoot. There are plenty of boobs and blood, but one key component is missing: fun. There are virtually no character or story arcs, just random scenes of ugly sex amid cheap violence for the sake of ugly sex and cheap violence. A drag.
Things 4
– (2017) – Aliens send monsters and brain worms to a secluded area, prompting mischief among groups of women and scientists. Moves fast and at least attempts some zaniness, but the F/X are straight-up lazy while the comedy is atrocious. Not much is worth redeeming, but it’s short.
The Boogeyman
– (2023) – Two girls cope with the death of their mother while dealing with an apparition in their house. A staggering bore loaded with whisper-quiet dialog at the pace of a slug. The family drama is too forcefully downtrodden to fully believe, leading to a happy ending that isn’t earned. By the time the monster finally shows up all interest is already gone.
Cinderella’s Curse
– (2024) – A step-daughter is granted three wishes by a summoned witch to help her settle the score with her abusive family. Pretty lousy when mimicking the fairy tale, but gets better once ripping off Carrie. While the overall story stinks, the final act is piled high with gore and carnage, most of which is cheap but effective.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1981) – A new witch in town confronts dark forces with help from the high school quarterback. Though much of the witchery comes across as silly, there’s enough going on with the characters to maintain a serious tone. Nothing new, but it’s easy to get into and enjoy.
– (2006) – A college student investigates the life of a notorious cannibal. Begins with the promise of delving into the rationale of a killer, but opts to tell the story with common advancements. Has scenes of minor brutality, but nothing can outlast the whisper-quiet boredom.
– (1988) – A vampire invades a movie set and disrupts the lives of a loving couple. Typical nocturnal nonsense laced with some truly idiotic ideas regarding the playing of pool. Proves that vampires and sports don’t mix, especially under a serious tone.
The Bleeder
– (1983) – A female rock band falls prey to a legendary madman after their tour bus breaks down near his domain. Consist of little more than wandering characters who banter with one another before separating from the group and getting picked off. Despite the title, there’s hardly any blood, although your eyes may bleed from boredom.
Black Sheep
– (2006) – Sheep infected with a biological disease attack, devour and mutate humans. The killer sheep almost make for a decent time, but the weresheep do nothing but reiterate a familiar legend. Not without mild amounts of humor and fun, but falls flat overall.
House (1986)
– (1986) – A writer staying at his dead aunt’s house is haunted by monsters and his own past. Could have been frightening with less humor, and the structure is a bit too unrestrained, but this always imaginative and quirky. Subtle when not silly, yet ultimately effective.
Voodoo Island
– (1957) – Constructors of a vacation spot return a zombie to the island that zombified him. The island isn’t reached until the 40-minute mark, when only minute actions finally occur. The bulk consists of drama that’s ruined by overly talkative characters.
Camp Blood First Slaughter
– (2014) – Students enter the domain of a notorious killer only to become the target of another murderer. Has moments that resemble an actual movie, but most of this is shoddily constructed. The F/X are particularly bad, but at the very least a credible body count is attempted.
Blades
– (1989) – A lawnmower attacks golf course personnel during a tournament. Most amusing when spoofing Jaws, but does nothing original on its own. One the dullest lead actors in horror helps this go nowhere.