The Last Amityville Movie
– (2023) – A man who receives a doorknob from a haunted house starts experiencing minor haunts. Acknowledges the vast amount of Amityville movies before becoming one, but the premise isn’t as clever as intended since it never provides finality as to why these movies exist nor why they absolutely should end. It’s just another cruddy Amityville movie with a misleading title.
Once Upon a Time in Amityville
– (2024) – Bounty hunters seek a refuge in a haunted town. It’s hard to fathom how a film that only runs 71-minutes can cause such monumental grief. The main reason this equates torture is largely due to languidness. The diminutive cast does little but meander from one scene to the next while occasionally coming across a cheap effect. There’s simply no life to the proceedings, as though the digital imprint itself is dead.
Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
– (1986) – A boy combines his dead robot with his dead girlfriend and creates a good looking monster. Stupid beyond belief, but has a relatively big heart when dealing with the characters and their family plights. Moves fast and has a ridiculously awesome basketball kill.
– (2001) – A rash of group related suicides are linked to a website and a female pop group. The concept is engaging, and leads to some truly manic moments, but the meaning is lost in disorienting scenes. Unfortunately, the highlights are outnumbered by the low.
– (2011) – A divorcee moves into an apartment and receives calls from the past that lead her on a ghostly crusade. Nothing unique occurs in the early stages, as too many areas are reminiscent of Frequency and Stir of Echoes. The final third, however, becomes unexpectedly freaky, tense, and bizarre.
Backwoods
– (1987) – A camping couple befriend a hillbilly who has a vicious son. Gets off to a decent start, but before long common sense takes a back seat to an overlong cat and mouse chase. Almost okay, but lacks excitement.
Sharktopus
– (2010) – A former soldier is hired to bring in a genetically altered shark/octopus alive, but all the thing wants to do is kill people. Nothing unlike the dozens of other mutant-animal-attack movies, but does begin with a sense of fun at the expense of stupidity. Slows an hour in and becomes repetitive, but does have some dopey highlights.
Redneck Zombies
– (1987) – Radioactive waste dumped into a moonshine still causes rednecks to mutate and savor the living. The acting and pace are chief among the flaws, but they’re easily overlooked thanks to an abundance of zany humor and graphic violence. Maybe the best shot-on-video gorefest ever made.
From Beyond the Grave
– (1973) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a haunted mirror, a voodoo woman, a shoulder phantom and a mysterious door. Provides some amusement and creepy atmosphere, but loses too many bouts with sluggishness and silliness.
Reunion Massacre
– (2014) – A young woman is invited to a high school reunion in an abandoned building where a masked killer lurks. It’s hard to classify this as an actual movie since nothing really happens throughout the incredibly long hour. Phones calls are made, decorations and put up, a sandwich is fixed, etc. There is a guy killing a couple of people, but his motive is as thin as one can get.
Frightmare
– (1983) – Movie fans break into the mortuary where a recently deceased icon is resting, and become trapped by his evil forces. Though the concept isn’t too bad, the actuality is painfully trite. Lacks creativity in characters, suspense, and meaning.