Wizard of Death: Tinman’s Rise
– (2026) – A small family is hunted by a killer who’s donned in tin and sporting an ax. An experience not unlike banging your face against concrete, since there’s virtually nothing to observe that’s meaningful or memorable. Characters often scream, a stiff villain kills them in unimaginative ways, and the credits finally roll. There’s virtually nothing of substance here.
Pinocchio Unstrung
– (2026) – An orphaned kid is introduced to a boy made of wood who hopes to become human by ingesting human flesh. A remarkably dull jaunt that asks us to either care about children we barely know over a goddamn puppet. As horror this is okay since there is a lot of bloody violence, but as a narrative drama this lacks everything that could possibly create a single emotional experience. Kudos to the practical FX, but the script is garbage.
Dream Scenario
– (2023) – Many people in a small community are dreaming about the same mild-mannered professor, which is a quirk for all until their dreams become violent. Begins as a curious comedy that darkens as it goes while consistently building sympathy for the hapless protagonist. Has some issues with pacing and tone, and the conclusion isn’t fully embraceable, but this is often humorous, sad, and surprising in all the right ways.
Popeye IV: Resurrection
– (2026) – The survivor of a mutant killer becomes entangled with a cult that revives said killer. Most of this is a contrived drama about helping others as a means of persevering, but try not to lose track of how many times you yawn through the dull progressions. Gets slightly better when violence finally arrives, but only because there are less derivative characters to put up with. The worst entry in a series of absolute wretch.
Popeye III: Requiem
– (2026) – A drug enhanced super sailor escapes from a science facility and lays waste to anyone in his way. Barely has a plot, as this only serves to exploit a well-known IP by attempting to add comical violence to what was once considered family friendly harm. Well, I’m not laughing. I’m not cringing, either, as all of the carnage is repetitive, poorly staged, and created with feeble FX. An unoriginal waste of time and resources.
Popeye Returns
– (2026) – A sailor with mutant strength takes out his militaristic problems on the small world around him. Looking for a plot? Grab a telescope and twist the lens for miles. You won’t find one. Luckily this is short, because the scarce violence and bland characters do nothing to hold concentration. A weary void that manages to end with one credible threat: “to be continued.”
– (1992) – A notorious murder victim is followed in the waning moments of her life. Packed with purposefully placed oddities, most of which are rather noisy, but most appear to mask how thin the overall plot is. Once the killer and motives are revealed, the means to confuse don’t hold any weight.
– (1945) – Guests with sketchy pasts are invited to a manor where they’re picked off one by one. Cleverly takes cues from “Ten Little Indians,” though most of the time is centered on chatty, unlikable characters. A precursor to a genre that would greatly improve.
– (1998) – To earn some money, three men are made to stay in a house of murderous secrets. Not a lot occurs, and much of what does happen is pretty terrible. There isn’t a lot of horror, either, and only scarce moments of guilty fun.
Demented Death Farm Massacre
– (1971) – Jewel thieves on the run from the law lay low on a farm run by a short tempered hillbilly and his “attractive” wife. Incredibly stupid (on purpose) but moves too fast to irritate. Colorful characters highlight the ordinary and immature story.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey II
– (2024) – Animals once abandoned by a human continue their destructive ways. There’s really not plot to speak of, as the only story relates to the occurrences of the first film, but I doubt anyone will show up for the narrative. Those coming for the violence certainly won’t be let down, as the murders deliver some truly heavy punches. Thin but brutal.
Fido
– (2006) – In an age when controlled zombies run rampant, a boy finds a father figure and friend in the undead. The set-up is clever, and the first half is uniquely endearing, but too many ideas wear thin too quickly. Provides some zany fun, until beating its own concept to the brink of death.
The Serpent and the Rainbow
– (1988) – A medical researcher travels to a third world country to acquire the secrets of voodoo. Too polished for a movie that’s shot in filth, and too light for a story that deals with death. Not bad, but nothing is entirely believable.
Drive Thru
– (2007) – A guy in a ridiculous clown costume kills teens who have ties to his disfigurement. Okay when straightforward, but pretty bad when dealing with the scattered workings of the killer. Has a distracting soundtrack, and most of the comedy fails, but it’s better than many bad slashers.
Space Zombie Bingo!!!
– (1993) – Atomic blasts hope to save the world from alien zombies… sort of. There’s no set-up to any specific event, as this is more an assembly of newly shot garbage and stock footage. Attempts to create humor from its own failures, but can’t even get self-parody right.