Pinocchio Unstrung
– (2026) – An orphaned kid is introduced to a boy made of wood who hopes to become human by ingesting human flesh. A remarkably dull jaunt that asks us to either care about children we barely know over a goddamn puppet. As horror this is okay since there is a lot of bloody violence, but as a narrative drama this lacks everything that could possibly create a single emotional experience. Kudos to the practical FX, but the script is garbage.
Dream Scenario
– (2023) – Many people in a small community are dreaming about the same mild-mannered professor, which is a quirk for all until their dreams become violent. Begins as a curious comedy that darkens as it goes while consistently building sympathy for the hapless protagonist. Has some issues with pacing and tone, and the conclusion isn’t fully embraceable, but this is often humorous, sad, and surprising in all the right ways.
Popeye IV: Resurrection
– (2026) – The survivor of a mutant killer becomes entangled with a cult that revives said killer. Most of this is a contrived drama about helping others as a means of persevering, but try not to lose track of how many times you yawn through the dull progressions. Gets slightly better when violence finally arrives, but only because there are less derivative characters to put up with. The worst entry in a series of absolute wretch.
Popeye III: Requiem
– (2026) – A drug enhanced super sailor escapes from a science facility and lays waste to anyone in his way. Barely has a plot, as this only serves to exploit a well-known IP by attempting to add comical violence to what was once considered family friendly harm. Well, I’m not laughing. I’m not cringing, either, as all of the carnage is repetitive, poorly staged, and created with feeble FX. An unoriginal waste of time and resources.
Popeye Returns
– (2026) – A sailor with mutant strength takes out his militaristic problems on the small world around him. Looking for a plot? Grab a telescope and twist the lens for miles. You won’t find one. Luckily this is short, because the scarce violence and bland characters do nothing to hold concentration. A weary void that manages to end with one credible threat: “to be continued.”
Party Night
– (2017) – Three couples decide to party at an abandoned house after the prom, but find themselves stalked by a killer. While there’s absolutely nothing new to this, the female acting isn’t bad and the script delivers some realistic lines. Sadly, the gore scenes are all but ruined by blood that has too much of an orange tint, as though vodka sauce runs through everyone’s veins. Generic, but more enjoyable than many other no-budget slashers.
– (1981) – When a shark terrorizes a public beach, Jaws related incidents ensue. One cool death and a ridiculous ending save this from the dregs, but it’s still a miserable experience. Any kind of fun that could be had with such a blatant rip-off is ruined by an incredibly slow pace.
– (1978) – A high school journalism teacher investigates a monster born of pollution. Spends too much time not doing anything, but isn’t too bad when there’s actual activity. The monster mayhem is badly lit and infrequent, but welcomed over the substandard drama.
– (1995) – A greedy family is attacked by the deceased elder whose money they grub after. Has a fair share of horror, but the plot rarely makes sense and the dead grandmother tries too hard to come off as Freddy. Piles on terrible humor, but the cult vibe almost succeeds.
Deathbone, Third Blood Part VII: The Blood of Deathbone
– (2011) – An elf seeks a barbarian to assist her in bringing down a goblin. The production aspects won’t win over those who prefer their movies polished, and the plot is rather typical to the fantasy genre, but what makes this so much fun are the lines among the frenzied cast. The deliveries of Chris Seaver’s unique dialog are as humorous as the words themselves. Maybe not great “cinema,” but great entertainment.
Birdemic: Shock and Terror
– (2008) – Eagles contaminated with bird flu attack humans. Has too low a budget to pull off an apocalyptic scenario, but it certainly tries. Lousy acting, preachy dialog, ridiculous logic and some of the worst FX in film history equal a surprisingly decent time. Hard to rate since it’s so shockingly dumb, but man is it fun.
Corpses
– (2004) – An undertaker brings the dead back to life, which disrupts the lives of a dysfunctional family. Has struggles with drama, but fails mainly in the area of comedy/horror. The humor is absolutely rotten, as are the grade school FX.
Curse III: Blood Sacrifice
– (1991) – A pregnant woman becomes the target of a voodoo curse. Has an amazingly boring first 80-minutes before ending with an out-of-the-blue creature that offers too little too late. Too talky and hard to decipher.
Killjoy’s Psycho Circus
– (2016) – After escaping Hell, a devious clown hosts a talk show before realizing he should leave Earth. Has so much going on that any accurate description might take pages, yet the maniacal structure is the saving grace. Incredibly ambitious for something shot on the cheap, and has aspirations to please fans of pure lunacy.
Bloodsucking Freaks
– (1976) – The director of a snuff play kidnaps a renown director to star in his latest attraction. Too campy to take seriously, but does predate the torture era by decades and, as such, offers plenty of bloody mayhem. Sadistic, barbaric and satisfyingly gruesome.