The Houses October Built 2
– (2017) – To recover from their trauma of a violent haunted house experience, a group of friends embark on a tour of haunted house attractions. The whole film is basically an excuse to travelogue actual haunt attractions while ultimately adding one as “real” fictional danger to serve their selfish purposes. This isn’t a movie so much as a documentary meshed with an uninvolving narrative.
Midget Zombie Takeover
– (2013) – A small group of friends attending a hot tub party encounter zombies, one of whom is short. This feels like nothing more than a weekend shoot among non-actors and non-filmmakers flaunting how characters with zero personalities can resist a handful of meandering zombies. Nice try, title, but the only midget involved sits within the brain of this dud’s creator.
Last Shift
– (2014) – A rookie police officer on her first night in a closing precinct experiences a wide variety of haunts. This is a constant battle between two elements: bad drama and bad horror. Each area lacks fleshing out, leaving us with a dull lead battling trivial ghostly shenanigans. There’s simply not enough known about anyone or anything involved, which cripples any chance this had at becoming suspenseful. You can’t fear what you don’t care about.
Don’t Move (2026)
– (2026) – Something is picking off patrons of a wooded religious retreat, prompting strangers to band together in the name of survival. A mostly lame experience that begins with perhaps the cheesiest family ever committed to film, yet the characterizations only worsen thereafter. There isn’t a single person who’s realistically relatable, so when the horror finally kicks in we accept reprieve in their deaths. Far more irritating that intimidating.
Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
– (2002) – A man who loses his wife in a car wreck begins to have dreams of deceit and murder. A distracting mystery where nothing of interest is ever authentic, while the true outcome provides nothing new. Pinhead and other horror elements are too scarce.
– (1996) – A serial killer shacks up with an arsonist and exchanges secrets of the murder trade. Attempts the same pace and style of the original, but feels too familiar to impress. Involving, but most of the dramatics come across as silly.
– (1977) – A priest who’s made to validate past exorcisms reawakens the demon that once possessed a now-recovering Regan. Deserves credit for not duplicating the original, but it’s too awkward and muddled to praise. A sour experience that fails to make much sense, as locusts are no match for the dire family drama that came before. Notoriously bad with good cause.
Lost After Dark
– (2015) – A group of friends steal a bus, run out of gas, and end up in the terrain of a killer. Another faux ’80s slasher that pretends it’s from the past but forgets to include a single moment that feels like the ’80s. This is just another shot on digital mess with CGI gore and typically trite teens.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
– (2008) – A married couple that’s retired from a life of adventure are called to duty regarding a cursed Chinese army. Has plenty of action scenes that are loaded with decent FX, but lacks a cohesive story and emotional involvement. A pleasure to look at, but the plot forces too many groans.
Scream Blacula Scream
– (1973) – A ritual resurrects a vampire who brings down trouble on a voodoo cult. The police involvements show just how corny vampire lore can be, but the drama is played straight and makes the most of its slim premise. Slows considerably in the third act, but is usually enjoyable.
Drive Thru
– (2007) – A guy in a ridiculous clown costume kills teens who have ties to his disfigurement. Okay when straightforward, but pretty bad when dealing with the scattered workings of the killer. Has a distracting soundtrack, and most of the comedy fails, but it’s better than many bad slashers.
Tromeo & Juliet
– (1996) – A boy and girl of rival families fall in love, resulting in a ton of bloodshed. An often clever take on the Shakespeare story that never lets you forget it’s a Troma movie above all. Enjoyable throughout with plenty of humor and violence.