The Houses October Built 2
– (2017) – To recover from their trauma of a violent haunted house experience, a group of friends embark on a tour of haunted house attractions. The whole film is basically an excuse to travelogue actual haunt attractions while ultimately adding one as “real” fictional danger to serve their selfish purposes. This isn’t a movie so much as a documentary meshed with an uninvolving narrative.
Midget Zombie Takeover
– (2013) – A small group of friends attending a hot tub party encounter zombies, one of whom is short. This feels like nothing more than a weekend shoot among non-actors and non-filmmakers flaunting how characters with zero personalities can resist a handful of meandering zombies. Nice try, title, but the only midget involved sits within the brain of this dud’s creator.
Last Shift
– (2014) – A rookie police officer on her first night in a closing precinct experiences a wide variety of haunts. This is a constant battle between two elements: bad drama and bad horror. Each area lacks fleshing out, leaving us with a dull lead battling trivial ghostly shenanigans. There’s simply not enough known about anyone or anything involved, which cripples any chance this had at becoming suspenseful. You can’t fear what you don’t care about.
Don’t Move (2026)
– (2026) – Something is picking off patrons of a wooded religious retreat, prompting strangers to band together in the name of survival. A mostly lame experience that begins with perhaps the cheesiest family ever committed to film, yet the characterizations only worsen thereafter. There isn’t a single person who’s realistically relatable, so when the horror finally kicks in we accept reprieve in their deaths. Far more irritating that intimidating.
Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
– (1974) – A girl falls under fleeting spells of possession ensuing her grandfather’s death. Some of her outbursts are unintentionally ridiculous (thus hilarious) and steal attention from the dull remains. Bad, but not quite bad enough.
– (1980) – A creature in a Colombian lake makes occasional trouble for locals. The atmosphere is okay, in a travel guide kind of way, but the characters mean nothing and the horror is rare. The monster itself is best left hidden.
– (1985) – Shipwreck survivors happen upon an island where they’re attacked by doll-like creatures. Follows a droll pattern of watching characters wander before they’re assaulted, but a few dumb events and dumber lines of dialog help maintain attention. Repetitive, to say the least, but does amuse in spots of foolishness.
Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
– (1990) – A couple on a road trip to Florida encounter a cannibalistic clan in Texas. Doesn’t feature the heaviest of plots, but has plenty of tense and grotesque moments to outweigh the dramatic faults. Despite having gone through post-production hell, the end result still packs some heavy punches.
Beaks: The Movie
– (1987) – Angry birds attack people on land and in air. The smirking characters seem to know how stupid the concept is, yet all the so-called suspense scenes are played completely straight. Too many slow motion shots and bad acting ruin the already bleak.
Guinea Pig: Devil Woman Doctor
– (1990) – Anthology of skits that include exploding heads, a man stabbed at dinner, a mutant stomach, human cuisine, a social zombie, a glob of flesh, a man who vomits blood, tattoo removal, freak patients and a disc of nails. Doesn’t have a lot of gore, but piles on plenty of stupidity. Amounts to nothing in the end, but always moves fast.
Headhunter
– (1989) – A male and female cop track a killer who decapitates his victims in the name of voodoo. Some enjoyable character interactions overshadow the unclear horror plot. The drama wins over terror, although most situations are cliched.
100 Tears
– (2007) – Reporters investigate murders caused by a fat clown with a huge axe. Features low level acting and a bland plot, but the gore is sometimes impressive. Too poorly made to rank above a terrible bloodbath.
Psycho Sleepover
– (2008) – Escaped lunatics crash a slumber party of girls who aren’t ready to become victims. Takes place in the ’80s for some reason, but doesn’t serve as a throwback or homage to slashers of that era. Instead, this is a lame joke among those involved, although a few bits are kind of funny.