Scared to Death (1946)
– (1946) – A dead woman narrates the events that led her to the slab. A hokey mystery with too much forced comedy and too much gibberish spoken among dimwits. Involvement is hard to come by, but this moves fast and isn’t long. Oddly enough, the title gives away the ultimate prognosis.
V/H/S/Beyond
– (2024) – Anthology of five stories that focus on infected apartment dwellers, a demonic goddess, orchard aliens, human pets, and desert aliens. While each story at least offers some okay F/X, none of the tales are memorable. This is too long, too slow, too unexciting, too unappealing and, worst of all, too easily forgotten.
Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow
– (1959) – Rebellious teens party in a haunted manor on Halloween night. Only runs an hour, so there isn’t a lot of plot to get through, and you won’t find any deep character motivations either, but it’s goofy as hell and pretty fun as such. Serves as a reminder of exactly what the 50’s looked and sounded like, while offering some chuckles and groans along the way.
Bad Ronald
– (1974) – A young man who accidentally kills a girl hides in the secret room of his house, even after his mother dies and new owners move in. Has a wonderful concept the script isn’t able to live up to. It’s incredibly short, so there’s little set-up to the main character, and he never does enough to warrant any rising suspense. It’s thoroughly watchable, but thoroughly empty.
Amityville Turkey Day
– (2024) – A film crew making a movie about a cannibal from Amityville are picked off by a talking turkey. An ugly looking and pitifully acted no-budget pile of slop whose best moments ripoff ThanksKilling. The only reason to see this through to the end is to witness blatant plagiarism taking effect. The rest isn’t even uniquely bad, it’s just bad.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2020) – A recently blinded woman inherits a castle that inhabits a monstrous killer. Does nothing early on to distinguish itself from the original, aside from ditching the reliable family dynamic. When this does branch out on its own, you might wish it didn’t since those areas predominantly feature rape and ludicrous creature genitals. Wants to shock, but in turn nearly becomes a comedy.
– (1973) – A deranged doctor is turning stragglers into lobotomized zombies. Begins with promise, as the initial pace is fast and characters likeable, but positive advancements grind to a halt halfway through. Finds a pulse toward the end, but never amounts to anything special.
– (2022) – Ensuing the suicide of a patient, a therapist experiences ghostly happenings of the grinning variety. A crawling test of endurance that manages to rip off several movies at once, notably The Ring and It Follows, while rendering itself a comedy when attempting shocks. Never comes close to matching the fear factor of the movies it steals ideas from, and eventually becomes an incompetent joke.
Lunch Meat
– (1986) – Vacationing friends come under attack from a family of hungry hillbillies. Has an awful beginning, but once the hicks start their attack the pursuit never stops. In more capable hands, this could have been a classic bloodbath.
Sharknado
– (2013) – A massive storm spreads sharks throughout the coasts of California. The premise leads to some dumb fun, but most of what happens is too purposefully idiotic to consider an honest mistake. Tries to mean something, but is merely a cause to enjoy better films.
Reanimator Academy
– (1992) – A college student invents a serum that resurrects the dead with nagging results. Mildly amusing given the budget, but nothing that occurs is worth bragging about. Not the worst to surface from the homemade VHS era.
The Devil’s Hand
– (1962) – In order to get laid by a witch, some guys enters a voodoo cult. Has one good idea involving dolls, but the rest is standard hoodoo nonsense. Only 71-minutes, but shoves patience to the brink.
Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire
– (2019) – A live-action play within a known haunted house goes as badly as many expect. Attempts to add a backstory to the previous entries, but 98% of this has been seen before. Never terrible, and wants to be spooky, but can only remind of the superior original. On the plus side, this has the most fake looking facial scar in movie history.
The Children (1980)
– (1980) – When a bus passes through a mysterious mist, the kids inside gain the power to burn others. Too much time passes between the more engaging scenes, but what works is often creepy and somewhat surprising. The serious tone helps keep the killer tykes from seeming silly.