Granny Krampus
– (2024) – A dysfunctional family gathers for Christmas while a legendary creature is out and about killing very few people. An absolutely lifeless drama with minor sprinklings of horror that feels like watching ice cubes melt. Every drab, whisper-quiet scene is a test of endurance, as not even the bloody moments raise a pulse. A colossally dull snooze fest.
Werewolf Santa
– (2023) – A bickering family films themselves during a night in which Kris Kringle becomes a lycanthrope. Has a funny moment or two, but never fully takes advantage of what could have been a silly, bombastic romp. Instead, this is ultimately a slow moving bore that features too few characters and too few horror inclusions.
Santa Isn’t Real
– (2023) – A girl who believes Santa Claus himself is responsible for her alleged suicide attempt vacations with her friends in the realm of said killer. Spends most of its short length on insipid character drama while forgetting it’s a horror film until the final act. That the overwhelmingly boneheaded group believes straightaway that Santa is a killer, and not someone dressed as him, is an unforgivable insult to anyone luckless enough to sit through this.
Black Friday
– (2021) – Toy store employees take on infected customers the day after Thanksgiving. Attempts fun through several colorful characters, but their plights are so ordinary that it’s hard to care about any of them. Some of the F/X are neat, but the plot is drab and nothing is as funny as intended.
Smile 2
– (2024) – A musician struggling with addiction also contends with a parasitic psychosis that has her seeing violent images amid people smiling. The story arc at least attempts a point about the pressures of stardom, but the horror elements that enhance those areas cause more eye rolling than gasps. Just as unoriginal as the first film, and equally preposterous.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1988) – A father unleashes a demon of vengeance upon those who murdered his son. Has a good premise, spooky atmosphere, and a great looking monster, but the pace is too slow and there aren’t many creature highlights. Could have been great, but settles for competent.
– (1999) – The disappearance of a young girl leads to an investigation of abuse and witchcraft. A low-level police saga with developments that offer nothing new to even the least experienced viewer. Dull, purposeless, and unnecessarily convoluted.
– (1942) – An American becomes invisible to infiltrate the German enemy. Involving straight through, but takes too many liberties in bringing humor to what should have remained a dark subject. Mostly effective when taking itself seriously.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
– (2006) – A vacationing family becomes stranded in a former nuclear test site where the hills conceal a cannibalistic clan of mutants. Best when faithful to the original, but lags when venturing off on its own. A violent bloodbath with great F/X and plenty of tension.
Supercroc
– (2007) – Soldiers on foot, and higher ups in a command center, deal with a laughably fake crocodile. Feels like separate film school projects sewn together to aggravate the few suckers willing to withstand this crap. Almost off-the-charts bad, but manages some dumb fun.
The Video Dead
– (1987) – When the living dead escape from a possessed TV set, a boy and a Texan hunt them down. Has a unique premise with some comedic twists, but can’t overcome the tedium from too many dragging scenes. Dead/Alive owes this a thanks or two.
Voodoo
– (1995) – A college student joins a frat that’s actually a voodoo cult. Slow going, but often strives for twists and succeeds in holding attention. Features plenty of bad movie tactics, but nothing too distracting.
Blood Harvest
– (1987) – A girl returns home only to find that an active serial killer is on the loose. Has a couple of effective murders, but the story is a lame whodunit in which every character deserves to die. An irksome bore that makes you want to punch Tiny Tim.
The Chosen One: Legend of the Raven
– (1998) – A bimbo with an amulet returns from death to fight crime and screw men. Not much didn’t already occur in The Crow, and the only highlights (sleaze) are badly staged. Short, but rambles on and on.