Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
Boorman and the Devil
– (2025) – Documentary that explores the creation of Exorcist II: The Heretic, one of the worst movies ever concocted by humans with actual talent. A mostly-fascinating recount of how a thought-promising script became a filming nightmare thanks to so many unforeseen circumstances. We often snicker at films that bomb financially, yet the final third illustrates the sadness of those involved as no one intends to create art worth laughing at. Informative and ultimately emotional.
– (2004) – Students on a field trip to an old mental institution encounter ghosts. Fails to build anything resembling a mystery, and therefore holds no interest. Involves some of the dumbest characters ever concocted.
– (2016) – Two couples share a bed that has the power to kill them once they hop out. The entire set-up lacks conviction, as the characters are up to something most believe is a bad idea. Some horror moments are okay, but the logic is woefully inept while the pace is disastrously slow. A movie about a bed shouldn’t make you want to fall asleep, but here we are.
– (2003) – Troubled police and casual civilians contend with Satan’s zombie plague. Presents itself as an awful waste (and it mostly is) but the cameos, zany violence, and sporadic nudity lead to an okay time. Has no idea what “conclusion” means, but getting to the credits isn’t too much of a chore.
The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007)
– (2007) – Army trainees assisting scientists befall a mutant clan of cannibals. The first half isn’t bad, but boredom reigns once the soldiers enter dark caves. An abundance of gore almost saves the day.
Primeval
– (2007) – Americans research a giant crocodile in genocide laden Africa. The drama and terror most often work well, but occasionally fall victim to silliness. Gets better as it goes and has a pretty effective conclusion.
Shock Waves
– (1972) – Travelers stranded on an island encounter Nazi zombies who kill with their bare hands. From beginning to end this crawls without ever coming up with a plot point, character, or scene worth caring about. The horrendous idea is the only trace of amusement.
Voodoo Dawn
– (1990) – Two guys on a weekend away from Manhattan end up trapped in a locale of black magic. A scene or two of voodoo horror remind of what could have been, since most of the plot is dull and lacks worthy elements. Short, but hollow.
The Fun Park
– (2007) – Teens in an abandoned amusement park are captured and tortured by a notorious clown. Rips off a few sub genres, but does nothing noteworthy of either. A quiet bore with an unrelenting amount of quick zooms.
Blood Hook
– (1986) – A killer is offing his victims with a large fishing lure. Gets better as it goes (considering a terrible beginning), but has no finale and fails in all areas not spread with cheese. Dull, but ludicrous enough to hold some attention.