Evil Dead Burn
– (2026) – A young widow visits the family of her deceased husband only to discover their dysfunction has ties to demonic possession. Mainly gets by on violence and some neat camerawork, since there isn’t a single character worth cheering for. This is by far the lesser entry in the series mainly because the participants are just as despicable as humans as they are as deadites. Every moment is so dour and humorless that the weight of the depression gets tiresome fast, which ultimately leads to empty mayhem.
Ice Cream Man (2026)
– (2026) – Kids who eat ice cream from the same vendor become possessed killers who slaughter every adult that nears them. A giddy show of violence that spills blood, intestines and puke all over the screen. It’s fun as such, and the teen/pre-teen actors aren’t bad, but the backstory, and only point of drama, is pretty lackluster. In all this is a goofy good time that’s short and moves fast.
The Last Amityville Movie
– (2023) – A man who receives a doorknob from a haunted house starts experiencing minor haunts. Acknowledges the vast amount of Amityville movies before becoming one, but the premise isn’t as clever as intended since it never provides finality as to why these movies exist nor why they absolutely should end. It’s just another cruddy Amityville movie with a misleading title.
Once Upon a Time in Amityville
– (2024) – Bounty hunters seek a refuge in a haunted town. It’s hard to fathom how a film that only runs 71-minutes can cause such monumental grief. The main reason this equates torture is largely due to languidness. The diminutive cast does little but meander from one scene to the next while occasionally coming across a cheap effect. There’s simply no life to the proceedings, as though the digital imprint itself is dead.
Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
– (1985) – A woman is dismembered over the course of forty minutes. Has some dialog, but there’s no plot or meaning outside of the gore. Rather silly in that it takes itself so seriously, but some of the FX manage to hold attention.
– (1996) – A bridge constructionist oversees the erection of a new passage in an African village that’s littered with lions. Attempts a Jaws-on-land motif, but the suspense fails, the jokes fall flat, and the characters are all stiff. Means well, but goes nowhere.
– (2019) – A girl once forced to live her dying day over and again is pulled into a dimension where she’s forced to live her dying day over and again. While this doesn’t necessarily duplicate the original verbatim, it does feel awfully familiar and has an equally lame outcome. However, more fun is had this time around, thanks to the zanniness, though some comedy and schmaltz feel forced.
Terror at Blood Fart Lake
– (2009) – A group of friends vacate to a wooded cabin where a masked killer lurks. Amusing early on, but the highly energetic characters and their jokes can’t help but beat themselves to death after a short while. Funny and creative one moment, kind of annoying the next. Still fun, though.
Shakma
– (1990) – A pissed off baboon decimates med-school students as they play a game in their college. Any chance of feeling for the main characters is lost since they’re killed so early on, while the link between the angry monkey and his owner means nothing as emotions are never provided. A long trip to nowhere.
Zombie High
– (1987) – A girl attends a mostly-male private school where the students are turned into brainwashed zombies. Has involving mystery moments, but few characters have enough personality to create interest. Dry and dopey, but never a chore.
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead
– (1980) – A mysterious woman, a black cat, and the undead make trouble for people who are often naked. Doesn’t have much a plot to talk about, as this is more concerned with occasional sex scenes, some of which are hardcore. Don’t get excited, though, those scenes are as bland as everything else.
Mr. Jingles
– (2006) – Stoners make trouble for a girl who was previously victimized by a killer clown. Has an okay concept that’s ruined by a terrible script and shallow, lowlife characters. An irritating excuse for (sometimes nifty) gore.
Pep Squad
– (1998) – The kidnapping and murder of a high school principal leads prom queen contenders on a path of violence. A sour attempt at becoming the next Heathers that fails miserably thanks to sloppy writing and some truly awful acting. Has a lot going on, but not with anyone credible.