The Houses October Built 2
– (2017) – To recover from their trauma of a violent haunted house experience, a group of friends embark on a tour of haunted house attractions. The whole film is basically an excuse to travelogue actual haunt attractions while ultimately adding one as “real” fictional danger to serve their selfish purposes. This isn’t a movie so much as a documentary meshed with an uninvolving narrative.
Midget Zombie Takeover
– (2013) – A small group of friends attending a hot tub party encounter zombies, one of whom is short. This feels like nothing more than a weekend shoot among non-actors and non-filmmakers flaunting how characters with zero personalities can resist a handful of meandering zombies. Nice try, title, but the only midget involved sits within the brain of this dud’s creator.
Last Shift
– (2014) – A rookie police officer on her first night in a closing precinct experiences a wide variety of haunts. This is a constant battle between two elements: bad drama and bad horror. Each area lacks fleshing out, leaving us with a dull lead battling trivial ghostly shenanigans. There’s simply not enough known about anyone or anything involved, which cripples any chance this had at becoming suspenseful. You can’t fear what you don’t care about.
Don’t Move (2026)
– (2026) – Something is picking off patrons of a wooded religious retreat, prompting strangers to band together in the name of survival. A mostly lame experience that begins with perhaps the cheesiest family ever committed to film, yet the characterizations only worsen thereafter. There isn’t a single person who’s realistically relatable, so when the horror finally kicks in we accept reprieve in their deaths. Far more irritating that intimidating.
Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
– (1997) – A man who’s imprisoned for killing his wife becomes another man who elects to sleep with a crime lord’s girl. Not easy to figure out, if that’s even possible, since this feels like two separate movies thrown together for the hell of it. Has enough going on to carry the 130-minutes, but leaves an empty feeling.
– (1934) – An actor impersonates a scientist to resurrect the dead, but ends up going insane. Kind of makes a case for insanity, but spends most of its short length on situations that distract any messages. A curious, in-your-face mess.
– (1997) – A boring vampire on the good side of evil hunts boring vampires on the bad side of evil. Dreadfully dull, pretentious, and with the most overdramatic dialog ever put to vampirism, which is some feat. A dumb soap opera with some blood and boobs.
Deathbone, Third Blood Part VII: The Blood of Deathbone
– (2011) – An elf seeks a barbarian to assist her in bringing down a goblin. The production aspects won’t win over those who prefer their movies polished, and the plot is rather typical to the fantasy genre, but what makes this so much fun are the lines among the frenzied cast. The deliveries of Chris Seaver’s unique dialog are as humorous as the words themselves. Maybe not great “cinema,” but great entertainment.
Zombie 5: Killing Birds
– (1987) – Students research birds near the place where a Vietnam vet was blinded by one. It’s as awful as it sounds, mainly because of unrelenting boredom. Most scenes feature characters who simply sit around and take forever to die.
Zombiegeddon
– (2003) – Troubled police and casual civilians contend with Satan’s zombie plague. Presents itself as an awful waste (and it mostly is) but the cameos, zany violence, and sporadic nudity lead to an okay time. Has no idea what “conclusion” means, but getting to the credits isn’t too much of a chore.
The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute
– (2012) – Hookers kill others and themselves in the name of a depraved pimp. Has something to do with voodoo, but is mostly a wannabe crime flick where the gangsters are impossible to take seriously. Mostly well made, but the inclusions of demonism don’t add up to anything.
Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor
– (2023) – A small group of ghost hunters investigate a mansion with a checkered past. Begins with promise when setting up what should be a spooky situation, but once the back story is out of the way the real troubles start creeping in. For one, the structure is repetitive. Nothing happens until BAM! a ghost appears. Rinse and repeat. Worse are the actors/characters. Rarely is a cast as screechy, whiney and hard to root for.
Cannibal! The Musical
– (1993) – A group of men in search of gold resort to eating each other when lost in the snow. Begins as a real stinker, but gets better once the characters dissolve and insanity takes over. Most of the songs are pretty bad, but do add to the mild zaniness.