Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
Amityvillenado
– (2026) – A few who visit the site of a murder house that was wiped out by a tornado become possessed by evil forces. Has points of progression and moves relatively fast while doing as much as it can with a meager budget. Still, there’s nothing here one hasn’t seen before, aside from a guy who’s possessed with sinister Hershey squirts. Mostly easy to withstand, despite an overlength of 111-minues.
Wizard of Death: Tinman’s Rise
– (2026) – A small family is hunted by a killer who’s donned in tin and sporting an ax. An experience not unlike banging your face against concrete, since there’s virtually nothing to observe that’s meaningful or memorable. Characters often scream, a stiff villain kills them in unimaginative ways, and the credits finally roll. There’s virtually nothing of substance here.
Pinocchio Unstrung
– (2026) – An orphaned kid is introduced to a boy made of wood who hopes to become human by ingesting human flesh. A remarkably dull jaunt that asks us to either care about children we barely know over a goddamn puppet. As horror this is okay since there is a lot of bloody violence, but as a narrative drama this lacks everything that could possibly create a single emotional experience. Kudos to the practical FX, but the script is garbage.
– (1985) – Spelunkers searching for gold encounter a cheap monster. The acting and dialog reach inhumane levels of badness while the story explores too-familiar areas. A raging bore that doesn’t have the good sense to kill its pitiful characters sooner.
– (2024) – A boy who loses his father to a sudden accident experiences a rash of unusual hauntings. On one hand this a good-looking movie with above-average atmosphere and competent acting. On the other hand, the pace is so slow you might find yourself eyeing your remote’s fast forward button. Does provide a creepy moment or two, but after a while I was more concerned that it ended rather than how.
– (2025) – The weakest hunter among his clan attempts to prove his worth by obtaining a coveted prize on a deadly planet. The set-up isn’t half bad, but enjoyment takes a serious dip when a rather annoying android shows up and never leaves. Most every scene features an overly cheeky robot conversing with a subtitled alien, so there’s not much in the way of emotional investments. Still, there is a lot of action, albeit of the overloaded CGI variety.
The Beauties and the Beast
– (1974) – A yeti abducts young women or saves them from thieves. Some sort of hippie concoction that was born of weed and acid. None of the sex, monster or hillbilly themes have anything to do with one another.
Bats
– (1999) – Scientifically engineered bats tear apart a small town fang by bloody fang. Close to exciting during moments of mayhem, but subsequent scenes are crippled by lousy dialog and routine characters. Not exactly innovative, but often amusing.
Garden of the Dead
– (1974) – Prisoners of a low security camp ingest formaldehyde, turn into zombies after escaping, then return to camp for more formaldehyde. Has virtually no set-up to characters or predicaments, and is devoid of memorable moments. Works as bad amusement and is helped by a short length.
The Devil’s Hand
– (1962) – In order to get laid by a witch, some guys enters a voodoo cult. Has one good idea involving dolls, but the rest is standard hoodoo nonsense. Only 71-minutes, but shoves patience to the brink.
Scary Movie 2
– (2001) – Students and their perverted professor spend a night in a haunted house. A complete rush-job, as there’s virtually no narrative during the 75-minutes of varying gags. Moves fast, however, and provides quite a few scattered laughs throughout.
Slaughter Party
– (2005) – A possessed midget, and the guy who possessed him, embark on a killing spree. A choppy outing that would have benefited from focusing on the vacationing girls rather than spending so much time with lesser necessities. Makes absolutely no sense, has terrible gore, and the acting is baneful.