Evil Dead Burn
– (2026) – A young widow visits the family of her deceased husband only to discover their dysfunction has ties to demonic possession. Mainly gets by on violence and some neat camerawork, since there isn’t a single character worth cheering for. This is by far the lesser entry in the series mainly because the participants are just as despicable as humans as they are as deadites. Every moment is so dour and humorless that the weight of the depression gets tiresome fast, which ultimately leads to empty mayhem.
Ice Cream Man (2026)
– (2026) – Kids who eat ice cream from the same vendor become possessed killers who slaughter every adult that nears them. A giddy show of violence that spills blood, intestines and puke all over the screen. It’s fun as such, and the teen/pre-teen actors aren’t bad, but the backstory, and only point of drama, is pretty lackluster. In all this is a goofy good time that’s short and moves fast.
The Last Amityville Movie
– (2023) – A man who receives a doorknob from a haunted house starts experiencing minor haunts. Acknowledges the vast amount of Amityville movies before becoming one, but the premise isn’t as clever as intended since it never provides finality as to why these movies exist nor why they absolutely should end. It’s just another cruddy Amityville movie with a misleading title.
Once Upon a Time in Amityville
– (2024) – Bounty hunters seek a refuge in a haunted town. It’s hard to fathom how a film that only runs 71-minutes can cause such monumental grief. The main reason this equates torture is largely due to languidness. The diminutive cast does little but meander from one scene to the next while occasionally coming across a cheap effect. There’s simply no life to the proceedings, as though the digital imprint itself is dead.
Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
– (1969) – A disfigured artist turns people into zombified mannequins. Yet another decent idea that’s torn to shreds by boredom. Scenes either take forever or repeat themselves throughout. Gets stupider and more monotonous as it goes.
– (1972) – The kinder brother of twins has premonitions of life and death. Reveals a twist at the one hour mark that’s easy to predict from the first second. Gets less predictable in the final third, but still can’t elicit any genuine chills.
– (1995) – Airplane passengers end up in the past where they’re terrorized by eaters of time. The premise worked better in the book, since here it’s destroyed by irritating characters, a languid pace, and horrible F/X. Could have been told in half the time, as the cheese is stretched ridiculously thin.
Madison County
– (2011) – Four friends search for an author in the backwoods realm of a serial killer. Yet another dud in a long line of Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip-offs that can’t generate one ounce of suspense. Characters are bland, the plot is a mess, and nothing at all new is ever presented.
Killer Crocodile 2
– (1990) – A crocodile hatched from a radioactive egg spells trouble for many jungle inhabitants. Has all the signs of a lame sequel, from flashbacks to duplicated footage, but manages to provide some grisly fun throughout. The music still rips off Jaws, and nothing rises above stupid, but diversions are provided among the doldrums.
Tales from the Crypt
– (1972) – Anthology of five stories that focus on a deranged Santa, an accident victim, a vengeful corpse, three dangerous wishes and the devious blind. A stylish and disturbing collection of stories that don’t pack any vicious punches, but they do provide plenty of subtle chills and memorable moments.
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead
– (1980) – A mysterious woman, a black cat, and the undead make trouble for people who are often naked. Doesn’t have much a plot to talk about, as this is more concerned with occasional sex scenes, some of which are hardcore. Don’t get excited, though, those scenes are as bland as everything else.
Sorority Slaughterhouse
– (2016) – A clown puppet possessed by a college dean’s soul goes on a killing spree in a sorority house. Pretty awful on the surface, since killer dolls and bitchy sorority girls have been done to death, but the overall corniness does make for an easy watch. Lacks gore and nudity, but does have a quick pace and decent characters.
Nightmare Weekend
– (1986) – A millionaire’s experiment with silver balls that can control and kill people leads to deceit. A complete mess that lacks any redeeming qualities. Never makes sense and ends without a resolution.