Amityvillenado
– (2026) – A few who visit the site of a murder house that was wiped out by a tornado become possessed by evil forces. Has points of progression and moves relatively fast while doing as much as it can with a meager budget. Still, there’s nothing here one hasn’t seen before, aside from a guy who’s possessed with dire Hershey squirts. Mostly easy to withstand, despite an overlength of 111-minues.
Wizard of Death: Tinman’s Rise
– (2026) – A small family is hunted by a killer who’s donned in tin and sporting an ax. An experience not unlike banging your face against concrete, since there’s virtually nothing to observe that’s meaningful or memorable. Characters often scream, a stiff villain kills them in unimaginative ways, and the credits finally roll. There’s virtually nothing of substance here.
Pinocchio Unstrung
– (2026) – An orphaned kid is introduced to a boy made of wood who hopes to become human by ingesting human flesh. A remarkably dull jaunt that asks us to either care about children we barely know over a goddamn puppet. As horror this is okay since there is a lot of bloody violence, but as a narrative drama this lacks everything that could possibly create a single emotional experience. Kudos to the practical FX, but the script is garbage.
Dream Scenario
– (2023) – Many people in a small community are dreaming about the same mild-mannered professor, which is a quirk for all until their dreams become violent. Begins as a curious comedy that darkens as it goes while consistently building sympathy for the hapless protagonist. Has some issues with pacing and tone, and the conclusion isn’t fully embraceable, but this is often humorous, sad, and surprising in all the right ways.
Popeye IV: Resurrection
– (2026) – The survivor of a mutant killer becomes entangled with a cult that revives said killer. Most of this is a contrived drama about helping others as a means of persevering, but try not to lose track of how many times you yawn through the dull progressions. Gets slightly better when violence finally arrives, but only because there are less derivative characters to put up with. The worst entry in a series of absolute wretch.
Popeye III: Requiem
– (2026) – A drug enhanced super sailor escapes from a science facility and lays waste to anyone in his way. Barely has a plot, as this only serves to exploit a well-known IP by attempting to add comical violence to what was once considered family friendly harm. Well, I’m not laughing. I’m not cringing, either, as all of the carnage is repetitive, poorly staged, and created with feeble FX. An unoriginal waste of time and resources.
– (2022) – Three witches are resurrected in Salem, prompting teens to find a way to abolish them. An absolute travesty when focusing on the vapid teenage characters, but once the witches take center stage things becomes slightly more tolerable. Rather obnoxious overall, and serves no purpose outside nostalgia, but in the end it’s a harmless way to waste two hours.
– (2007) – Uppity criminals torment an uppity family through polite games of murder. An empty experience with nobody to root for since the characters are either cardboard victims or irritating aggressors. Too long, too dull, and too full of itself.
– (2014) – A black man in a white suburb experiences supernatural shenanigans. Humorous in a few spots, but makes absolutely no sense in too many others. Has more to do with exploiting racial stereotypes than attempting to form a cohesive plot.
Loony in the Woods
– (2013) – A group of obnoxious degenerates vacate to the woods where they’re harassed by an obnoxious degenerate. Strives for weirdness, but never realizes that trying too hard to look odd quickly implodes. Seventy-nine wasted minutes of non-existent horror and miserable comedy.
Killer Crocodile
– (1989) – A radioactive crocodile attacks an Amazon-ish area. Starts with a perfectly chintzy shot that raises hope for what follows, but doesn’t take long to drift down a river of nothingness. Enough occurs to keep this afloat, but too many stretches are far too dull.
Resident Evil: Vendetta
– (2017) – Familiar characters return to stop a man who lost his wife from spreading a deadly virus. A bland blend of vapid action scenes, dragging exposition, and a plot that generates no concern. Despite all the activity, there’s never a moment of excitement or dread.
Zombie Cop
– (1991) – A dead cop takes on the voodoo priest who cursed him back to life. Too many scenes drag, and the dirt-cheap production gets in the way of ambition, but there are some good ideas on display and a mostly-fun tone. By far one of the better shot-on-video films of the era, but still suffers from too many imperfections.
The Night Watchmen
– (2017) – Security guards and office personnel take on a slew of hyper-aggressive vampires and clowns. Moves fast and has a lot of energy, but the characters are flat and the humor not all that funny. Becomes repetitive in a hurry and, despite a short length, drags toward the end.
Rabid Grannies
– (1988) – A family that’s reuniting for a birthday party spend the night running and hiding from their elders who turn into demons. The humor only works every so often, and the horror highlights are minimal. Works best when paying homage to Evil Dead and Demons, but can’t match the impact of either.