V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
Boorman and the Devil
– (2025) – Documentary that explores the creation of Exorcist II: The Heretic, one of the worst movies ever concocted by humans with actual talent. A mostly-fascinating recount of how a thought-promising script became a filming nightmare thanks to so many unforeseen circumstances. We often snicker at films that bomb financially, yet the final third illustrates the sadness of those involved as no one intends to create art worth laughing at. Informative and ultimately emotional.
Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma
– (2026) – A queer director is hired to reboot a horror series about a killer who was raised as a boy and a girl. Takes a meta approach to storytelling that tries to keep this from becoming an ordinary slasher, but neither the movie itself, nor the movie-within-the-movie works very well. The results aren’t as thought-provoking nor as emotionally complex as intended since the wussy music is a distraction against conventional angst, the killer’s air vent design is laughably distracting, while the whole point is swallowed up by an uneven narrative tone. Simply put: a mess.
– (2015) – A guy named Michael, who killed his babysitter fifteen years ago, is freed from an asylum only to find himself exploited by ghost hunters. The plot itself is actually pretty good, but every occurrence is ravaged by awful acting from a homely cast. Has nothing to do with Amityville (the original title is Sickle) but it’s better than most movies that shamelessly exploit the Long Island town.
– (1996) – Despite warnings, friends go on vacation near a lake that harbors an evil mist. Doesn’t have much of a set-up or resolution, and what occurs in the middle has no purpose. There isn’t much horror or any other marks of enjoyment, either.
– (2003) – A small grounp of degenerates film themselves as they violate and desecrate innocent victims. Filthy and disgusting, but so obviously fake that the terror comes across as a forceful way to seem bizarre. Impressive in its feigned realism, but the necrophilia and vomit rape become tiresome after a while.
Hunter’s Blood
– (1986) – A group of men go hunting and end up in a violent war with hillbilly deer poachers. A Deliverance/The Hills Have Eyes wannabe that takes an incredibly long time setting up everyday men in kooky situations before getting to the meat of the plot. Sometimes worthwhile, but mostly a silly drag.
Santa Jaws
– (2018) – A shark from a comic book ends up in shallow waters at Christmastime, and only the creator can end its reign. A deeply ridiculous outing that seems to have been built around the title, despite an appalling lack of holiday atmosphere. Still, it’s moderately fun and has an acceptable amount of cheesy charm.
Black Sunday
– (1960) – Murdered apprentices of Satan return from the dead and make trouble for castle inhabitants. The atmosphere isn’t bad, and the plot is almost okay, but not a lot happens and the pace crawls. A polished bore.
The Plague of the Zombies
– (1966) – A doctor investigates voodoo related incidents that cause the dead to rise. Steadily builds an involving mystery through minimal horror and witty dialog. Hard to judge since the genre took the zombie notion to more exciting heights, but even for the atmosphere alone this is commendable.
Camp Blood: Clown Shark
– (2024) – The severed head of a killer clown conjoins with a fish in a lake and becomes a murderous shark. There’s sort of a story involving the girl who killed that clown and the town that’s grateful for his demise, but that’s the only progression provided. Almost has a great homage to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre III trailer, but the overall cheapness sours that aspect as well.
Night Beast
– (1982) – An alien arrives in a small town and immediately causes minor and mass destruction. Gets off to a cheesy and explosive start before slowing into common Z-grade slop. Has some okay gore, but not a lot happens overall.