Midget Zombie Takeover
– (2013) – A small group of friends attending a hot tub party encounter zombies, one of whom is short. This feels like nothing more than a weekend shoot among non-actors and non-filmmakers flaunting how characters with zero personalities can resist a handful of meandering zombies. Nice try, title, but the only midget involved sits within the brain of this dud’s creator.
Last Shift
– (2014) – A rookie police officer on her first night in a closing precinct experiences a wide variety of haunts. This is a constant battle between two elements: bad drama and bad horror. Each area lacks fleshing out, leaving us with a dull lead battling trivial ghostly shenanigans. There’s simply not enough known about anyone or anything involved, which cripples any chance this had at becoming suspenseful. You can’t fear what you don’t care about.
Don’t Move (2026)
– (2026) – Something is picking off patrons of a wooded religious retreat, prompting strangers to band together in the name of survival. A mostly lame experience that begins with perhaps the cheesiest family ever committed to film, yet the characterizations only worsen thereafter. There isn’t a single person who’s realistically relatable, so when the horror finally kicks in we accept reprieve in their deaths. Far more irritating that intimidating.
Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
– (1920) – Murders arise in a small town after a man is awakened from a 23-year sleep. Has a good concept, a solid mystery, and wins innumerable points for its visual design. A bit too monotone, but moves quickly.
– (1993) – A guy who swallows a jewel before dying becomes the focus of his partner in crime and necrophiliacs. The production is dirt cheap and sloppy, but few movies are as strange and offensive. Short and repulsively direct.
– (2021) – A minister’s wife faces a grim lifestyle change after she’s bitten by a vampire. A study of a stale marriage made lively through a multitude of deaths that has plenty of unexpected turns. Character motivations aren’t always air tight, and some spots are flat out goofy, but thanks to a quick pace and a fistful of violence, this is enjoyable straight through.
Lunch Meat
– (1986) – Vacationing friends come under attack from a family of hungry hillbillies. Has an awful beginning, but once the hicks start their attack the pursuit never stops. In more capable hands, this could have been a classic bloodbath.
Attack of the Sabretooth
– (2005) – Tourists and business investors fall victim to genetically engineered meat eaters. Some character interactions aren’t terrible, but that’s the most this crap offers. Everyone involved drifts from place to place, while others remain stagnant, as scenes of action/horror lie in wait. The F/X are appalling, and rarely in a humorous way.
The Child
– (1977) – Suspicion is raised over an adolescent girl and her nighttime “friends.” Tries to build a mystery with each dreary scene, but nothing is ever clear or convincing. Switches from child psychology to zombie schlock in a blink.
From Beyond the Grave
– (1973) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a haunted mirror, a voodoo woman, a shoulder phantom and a mysterious door. Provides some amusement and creepy atmosphere, but loses too many bouts with sluggishness and silliness.
Halloween Horror Tales
– (2018) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a killer clown, a targeted scream queen, murderous vegetation, and a small town vampire. None of the stories feature anything close to innovative, let alone anything that takes place on Halloween. A dirt cheap outing with atrocious storytelling and worse acting.
Monster in the Closet
– (1987) – A newspaper writer investigates a series of closet related murders. Has a funny running gag that involves eyeglasses, but all else is either typical, banal, or annoying. Over dramatic and dumb nonsense.