Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (1988) – An abused child once plagued by visions of ghosts sees them again in her “stable” adulthood. Tries building a credible mystery in a ghostly city landscape, but good luck not comparing this to The Sentinel. Far from unique, but does offer some horror attempts and quite a few nude scenes.
– (2007) – A psychiatrist and an accused murderer enter an asylum where an evil chair summons mischief. The demon itself is nifty, but the highlights end there. The self-aware humor is pitiful, while the philosophic outlook is completely incompetent.
– (1987) – Mysterious murders are occurring at a camp for cheerleaders, but nobody enthusiastic seems to care. Has some nifty gore, but not nearly enough to rescue the lame comedy. Holds interest, but is too routine.
Demented Death Farm Massacre
– (1971) – Jewel thieves on the run from the law lay low on a farm run by a short tempered hillbilly and his “attractive” wife. Incredibly stupid (on purpose) but moves too fast to irritate. Colorful characters highlight the ordinary and immature story.
Grizzly II: The Concert
– (1983) – A killer bear is stalking grounds near a highly attended rock concert. Though the monster never made this unfinished cut, everything else points to a terrible/cheesy time with or without a fake grizzly. However, way too much time is spent on the awful musical acts.
The Midnight Hour
– (1985) – A group of high school friends inadvertently awaken undead vampires on Halloween. The plot is flimsy and not much makes sense, but the 80’s atmosphere is thick and the pace is quick. A goofy, mostly-fun time.
Child’s Play (1988)
– (1988) – A dying serial killer possesses a doll who must transfer his soul into a 6-year-old boy. Could easily have failed if not handled properly, but the premise is carefully constructed through believable acting and some tense moments. Rightfully memorable for hitting a few horrific and dramatic notes.
Camp Blood 3 (aka Within the Woods)
– (2005) – A reality show is filmed on the grounds where the previous entries took place and, sure enough, someone in a clown mask is picking everyone off. Attempts something unique (for the time), but still succumbs to the same low-budget trappings that destroys its independent credibility. A humorless, goreless, careless waste of time.
Meat Weed Madness
– (2006) – A group of girls smoke weed laced with human meat, take their clothes off, and are harassed by cheap monsters. Takes zaniness to new levels of nothingness, and can never be classified as a narrative film. The nudity is impressive, but most everything else is rotten.