V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
Boorman and the Devil
– (2025) – Documentary that explores the creation of Exorcist II: The Heretic, one of the worst movies ever concocted by humans with actual talent. A mostly-fascinating recount of how a thought-promising script became a filming nightmare thanks to so many unforeseen circumstances. We often snicker at films that bomb financially, yet the final third illustrates the sadness of those involved as no one intends to create art worth laughing at. Informative and ultimately emotional.
Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma
– (2026) – A queer director is hired to reboot a horror series about a killer who was raised as a boy and a girl. Takes a meta approach to storytelling that tries to keep this from becoming an ordinary slasher, but neither the movie itself, nor the movie-within-the-movie works very well. The results aren’t as thought-provoking nor as emotionally complex as intended since the wussy music is a distraction against conventional angst, the killer’s air vent design is laughably distracting, while the whole point is swallowed up by an uneven narrative tone. Simply put: a mess.
– (1995) – A deranged ice cream vendor terrorizes the neighborhood by means of his trade. Begins with a twisted blend of horror and adventure, but ends on a sour note. Goes from bad fun to just plain bad in a blink.
– (1986) – Norman falls for an ex-nun who looks like one of his victims, but his dead mother is getting in the way. Basically a retread of the first two films, but sprinkled with explicit violence. The same old mother/son nonsense keeps this down, but it is the creepiest and most involving of the series.
– (2005) – Nine contestants compete for a million dollars on a reality show that spells doom for the losers. Has an okay idea that never takes advantage of its potential for violence and human fear. A little too silly overall, but moves relatively fast and doesn’t annoy.
Madison County
– (2011) – Four friends search for an author in the backwoods realm of a serial killer. Yet another dud in a long line of Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip-offs that can’t generate one ounce of suspense. Characters are bland, the plot is a mess, and nothing at all new is ever presented.
Birdemic 2: The Resurrection
– (2013) – Pissed off birds rise from the La Brea Tar Pits and attack the environmentally unsound. As unintentionally unfunny as the original, but this time around has a moment or two of genuine humor. Terrible in countless ways, yet hard to condemn since it’s so unabashedly stupid.
Dead of Night (1977)
– (1977) – Anthology of three stories that focus on a time traveling car, vampires, and a summoned dead kid. The last story provides a minor amount of interest and tension, but the others are too dull to hold attention. Well-made, but the short length suggests a “good enough” attitude.
Hoodoo for Voodoo
– (2006) – A group of friends travel to New Orleans where they fall victim to murderous possessions. Has a few inventive kills and moves relatively fast, but the humor is pitiful and the production too murky. Aims to please, but hits too many lame marks.
Funnyman
– (1994) – Some kind of harlequin attacks a specific group of people in excruciatingly unfunny manners. Has nothing resembling a plot, and all attempts at artsy comedy fail miserably. Ugly and far from amusing junk.
Rabid Grannies
– (1988) – A family that’s reuniting for a birthday party spend the night running and hiding from their elders who turn into demons. The humor only works every so often, and the horror highlights are minimal. Works best when paying homage to Evil Dead and Demons, but can’t match the impact of either.