Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
– (2005) – Drugs created from a zombie mist find their way to a Halloween party. Illogical and meaningless with some truly pathetic acting and actions. Tries too hard to provide humor, and every attempt fails.
– (2014) – A group of friends inadvertently summon ghosts upon playing with an infamous board game. Characters are stiff, and scares are too reliant on noise, but there are some grim plot advancements. Busy, but only moderately enjoyable.
– (2020) – African refugees flee to England where they’re housed in a tenement full of ghoulish surprises. Has some stark scenes of horror that contrast the wicked outside world, and provides a few chills along the way. The main problem is that the leads aren’t drawn enough to feel total compassion for, despite how tragic their lives are.
Animals
– (1999) – A group of dirtbags torment an innocent family in the woods. A couple of moments feel real, but the bulk is familiar nonsense that could never match the highs of The Hills Have Eyes. Unoriginal and ugly, but does have something of an energetic spark.
Beaks: The Movie
– (1987) – Angry birds attack people on land and in air. The smirking characters seem to know how stupid the concept is, yet all the so-called suspense scenes are played completely straight. Too many slow motion shots and bad acting ruin the already bleak.
Nudist Colony of the Dead
– (1991) – Bible thumpers on a religious retreat use music to find strength as nudist zombies deplete them. An obvious attempt to gain a midnight cult, but features too much wretchedness to garner more than one viewing. The songs are awful and repetitive, while the narrative does nothing convincing. Ambitious, at best.
The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute
– (2012) – Hookers kill others and themselves in the name of a depraved pimp. Has something to do with voodoo, but is mostly a wannabe crime flick where the gangsters are impossible to take seriously. Mostly well made, but the inclusions of demonism don’t add up to anything.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
– (1988) – After a big top spaceship lands in a small town, alien clowns start to consume humans. Has a unique look, and some outlandish scenes of horror, but it’s too slow overall and the comedy is too immature. Not as much fun as the title and cult following suggest.
Purge
– (2010) – In an alternate future, people are genetically enhanced to not show emotion in their provided social status, but some oppose this action. Does an okay job attempting a dystopian look from a technological standpoint, but the budget is simply too small to make it fully work. The story is a pitiful blend of confusion and characters who lack any sort of emotional significance.