Pinocchio Unstrung
– (2026) – An orphaned kid is introduced to a boy made of wood who hopes to become human by ingesting human flesh. A remarkably dull jaunt that asks us to either care about children we barely know over a goddamn puppet. As horror this is okay since there is a lot of bloody violence, but as a narrative drama this lacks everything that could possibly create a single emotional experience. Kudos to the practical FX, but the script is garbage.
Dream Scenario
– (2023) – Many people in a small community are dreaming about the same mild-mannered professor, which is a quirk for all until their dreams become violent. Begins as a curious comedy that darkens as it goes while consistently building sympathy for the hapless protagonist. Has some issues with pacing and tone, and the conclusion isn’t fully embraceable, but this is often humorous, sad, and surprising in all the right ways.
Popeye IV: Resurrection
– (2026) – The survivor of a mutant killer becomes entangled with a cult that revives said killer. Most of this is a contrived drama about helping others as a means of persevering, but try not to lose track of how many times you yawn through the dull progressions. Gets slightly better when violence finally arrives, but only because there are less derivative characters to put up with. The worst entry in a series of absolute wretch.
Popeye III: Requiem
– (2026) – A drug enhanced super sailor escapes from a science facility and lays waste to anyone in his way. Barely has a plot, as this only serves to exploit a well-known IP by attempting to add comical violence to what was once considered family friendly harm. Well, I’m not laughing. I’m not cringing, either, as all of the carnage is repetitive, poorly staged, and created with feeble FX. An unoriginal waste of time and resources.
Popeye Returns
– (2026) – A sailor with mutant strength takes out his militaristic problems on the small world around him. Looking for a plot? Grab a telescope and twist the lens for miles. You won’t find one. Luckily this is short, because the scarce violence and bland characters do nothing to hold concentration. A weary void that manages to end with one credible threat: “to be continued.”
Party Night
– (2017) – Three couples decide to party at an abandoned house after the prom, but find themselves stalked by a killer. While there’s absolutely nothing new to this, the female acting isn’t bad and the script delivers some realistic lines. Sadly, the gore scenes are all but ruined by blood that has too much of an orange tint, as though vodka sauce runs through everyone’s veins. Generic, but more enjoyable than many other no-budget slashers.
– (1946) – The daughter of an evil scientist is haunted by nightmares and hounded by a malicious shrink. An incredibly short but incredibly drawn out yarn where characters endlessly talk about nothing relevant. The horror is limited to footage of bats, while the mystery is left to banal writing.
– (2022) – A woman rents a house that’s already occupied by another guest, and matters significantly worsen from there. Explaining anything else would give away too many surprises, as some developments are too outrageous and suspenseful to spoil. Although the final five minutes kind of stink, getting to them is one hell of a ride.
– (2003) – Friends and enemies collide in an area where the bad become worse when possessed. Some of the friendship interactions feel authentic, but the dim plot gets in the way of their progress. The lackluster drama is better than the weak horror, which is good because there’s more of it.
I Spit on Your Grave (2010)
– (2010) – A women who’s attacked and raped by five men exacts creative revenge. The first two thirds are pretty rough, as they focus too much on overly aggressive men and their over-the-top tendencies. Takes off once the murders begin, as they’re unbelievably cruel and bloody.
Man’s Best Friend
– (1993) – A dog who’s mixed with the DNA of other animals is unleashed as his bad behavior worsens. The experiment angle has some engaging moments, but everything that takes place in suburbia gets tiring in a hurry. The characters (and dog) are too unlikable to root for or against.
Hell of the Living Dead
– (1980) – A virus turns the dead into the living. Outside of some nifty gore, this is little more than a Dawn of the Dead / Cannibal Holocaust rip-off without the impact of either. Most attempts at entertainment fail under the weight of lousy filmmaking, but some guilty enjoyment is had.
White Zombie
– (1932) – A couple travels to Haiti to become married, but an owner of undead slaves wants the woman for himself. Aside from expectedly lame dialog and unfortunate racism, this is a pretty creepy story that’s far ahead of its time. Dark, moody, and mostly effective.
Ghosthouse
– (1988) – A radio and computer “expert” investigates a distress call coming from a house where people died 20 years earlier. Some of the atmosphere is strong, and the rare occurrences of gore are highly commendable. The awkward acting and cheesy dialog, however, nearly ruin all positive achievements.
Coons!
– (2005) – Raccoons attack various forms of morons at a campground. Unbelievably stupid, but purposefully so and often a riot at that. Dirt cheap, but always amuses with high and low levels of comedy.