Funeral
– (2025) – A small group of people gather for a closed casket funeral during a snow storm, then find they can’t escape the parlor. While this does touch on themes of youth, old age, death and commitment to country, there’s never a sense of exactly what’s happening or why. When the end results are rendered? Good luck not groaning with disapproval. Probes the meaning of life, but does so through a haphazard screenplay.
Amityverse: Infinity
– (2026) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on a suicide, a radio, singing ghosts, a devious shrink, shark-crabs, a shitting spirit, a cult leader, a dentist, a killer director, and hand puppets. While each story is so short we’re quickly put out of our misery, they’re still a trial to sit through. Every segment is cheaper than dirt, and range from mostly bad to impossibly irritating. Might have been fun for those who created this hell, but the rest of us are made to suffer.
Deathwoods
– (2026) – A group of friends vacate to the woods where they’re picked off by a killer when not hounded by local hillbillies. Yet another run-of-the-mill slasher that pits a so-called legendary killer against people with ordinary issues. There’s some blood n’ boobs here n’ there, but not enough to salvage a dull experience that isn’t as provoking as it wants to be.
Amityverse
– (2025) – Anthology of 10 stories that focus on Halloween night, a murderous clown, an evil spoon, a skeletal cop, a mime, a lawn ornament, a toilet, an invisible person, a killer dirtbag, and a hammer. While nothing presented can be considered prime entertainment, each segment moves too fast to leave behind the lingering stench of failure. Every tale breezes through shoddy action and dollar store F/X, and as such forms a harmless yet forgettable dungheap.
Spider Island
– (2026) – Influencers attending a new island resort encounter a murderous breed of arachnid, which the owner finds a minor inconvenience. Takes some digs at the annoyances of online attention whores, but there’s not much actual horror taking place. The spider activity is incredibly sparse, cheap, and ineffective, while the drama can’t handle the bulk of the remaining length.
Leviticus
– (2026) – Two young men are terrorized by an apparition that appears as each other. Begins by offering insights into homosexuality and religion, but not long after becomes just another tale of who’s who among drab characters in any form. It’s well made and has spouts of violence, but the whole time I kept longing to watch It Follows instead.
– (2003) – Warring vampires and werewolves wage another battle amongst themselves over a vamp/wolf union. Pretends it’s more than a Matrix rip-off by acting as though it’s a Shakespearean tragedy. Ridiculous, pompous, and overdramatic trash, but fans of leather will be pleased.
– (2008) – Historic criminal figures cross paths with a historical horror legend… and not much happens. The parts dealing with the somewhat-represented 1930s are okay, but the horror angles are awful. The title may seem amusing, but the output in nonsensical.
– (1975) – Bikers make trouble for a bunch of chicks on a bus trip with their teacher. Not very good from the start, but steadily worsens as few moments of interest occur. Resembles Last House, but without the dread.
Violent Shit II
– (1992) – Son of the original maniac goes on a killing spree that makes the original look tame. Has more narrative than the previous entry, which is to say it actually has a narrative, and the violence includes more than one weapon. Still junk, but has some eye opening gore that’s sure to please the horror masses.
Play Dead
– (1983) – A woman with a vendetta against her family magically persuades a dog to kill them. Anything dealing with the drama is the pits, but the dog inclusions are so manically awful they’re hard not to appreciate. Bad, but entertaining for all the wrong reasons.
Oasis of the Zombies
– (1982) – Men and women seeking buried treasure are gradually attacked by the undead. This is a movie that literally blows, as the bulk of the activity derives from the sound of wind. Character and zombie actions are hard to come by, and aren’t exactly enthralling when they do arise.
Hoodoo for Voodoo
– (2006) – A group of friends travel to New Orleans where they fall victim to murderous possessions. Has a few inventive kills and moves relatively fast, but the humor is pitiful and the production too murky. Aims to please, but hits too many lame marks.
Camp Blood First Slaughter
– (2014) – Students enter the domain of a notorious killer only to become the target of another murderer. Has moments that resemble an actual movie, but most of this is shoddily constructed. The F/X are particularly bad, but at the very least a credible body count is attempted.
Blood Junkie
– (2010) – Two sets of friends go camping in the realm of a blood addicted killer. Does a better-than-average job pretending it’s from the ’80s, mainly in clothing and technology, and adds an abundance of humor. Loses steam when the killer’s aspect takes over, but still provides plenty of mindless stupidity and fun.