The Last Voyage of the Demeter
– (2023) – A ship crew carrying vicious cargo must decide how to fulfill and survive their journey. An overly bland excursion that contains too much chatter among dull characters that only pad scenes between the few bouts of mayhem. Worse, the monster itself is rather shoddy looking and never instills fear.
Outpost (2022)
– (2022) – A woman with a checkered past takes on a job as a forest lookout ranger to get away from it all. A well-intended story of a character descending into madness, but we never know enough about her to fully grasp her plight, which makes it hard to root for or against her. Colorful secondary characters highlight what’s ultimately a misfire when it comes to exploring trauma and isolation.
Talk to Me
– (2022) – A group of friends partake in a game where they either become temporarily or permanently possessed. The plot is less than intriguing, the characters are less than engaging, and the fear factor is less than zero. A sluggish bore that crawls through basic advancements with players that are nearly impossible to root for. Features shades of It Follows, but contains none of its suspense.
Haunted House on Sorority Row
– (2014) – A young woman buys a house to use for a sorority, but finds it’s haunted by a dead pledge. Takes a while to get used to, as the acting is abysmal and the story all too common, but gradually does expel some horror and truck load of nudity. Never does anything truly eventful, and takes forever to figure out how to end.
Sorority Nightmare
– (2016) – A young woman with a troubled past joins a sorority that increasingly worsens her life. Begins as a pretty solid drama about a girl choosing between her roommate and a club, but gradually descends into a ridiculously over the top tale of deceit. By the time this becomes a Cruel Intentions ripoff it’s clear that if anyone’s going to enjoy this, they must enjoy pure cheese.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1987) – Ash continues battling demonic forces — and himself — with help from locals and those with ties to the Book of the Dead. Offers something unusual or memorable with every passing second, and only slows to set up the next gag. Creative, stylish, and ultimately groovy.
– (2007) – A group of strangers try to survive the battle between a creature and its pursuer. Jam packed with everything that makes a movie fail: lack of distinct characters, a plot thinner than toilet paper, grade school F/X and lousy acting. A cheap waste of time that provides no amusements.
– (1988) – A radio and computer “expert” investigates a distress call coming from a house where people died 20 years earlier. Some of the atmosphere is strong, and the gore is fantastic, but the acting and dialog almost ruin all achievements.
SexSquatch
– (2013) – A group of friends decide to party in the realm of a raping, murdering yeti. Purposefully cheap and cheesy, and never pretends it’ll end up in the annals of credible filmmaking. Provides plenty of fun with some truly funny lines and sight gags. Not for everyone, but only runs 58-minutes.
3-Headed Shark Attack
– (2015) – A group of people go head to head to head against a tri-noggin shark. Has all the makings of a bad-on-purpose movie, but is too drop dead dull to elicit any fun. Has amusing spots, but pretty much stinks overall.
Zombie 90: Extreme Pestilence
– (1991) – After a plane shipping chemicals crashes, the dead start appearing out of nowhere. The highlight should have been the gore, but the worst dubbing ever recorded takes center stage. When dialect becomes the highlight of a zombie movie, you know you’re in trouble.
Gothic Harvest
– (2019) – A girl is abducted by an affluent family that has ties to a voodoo curse. Pretty pitiful out of the gate, and worsens the more the story is explained. There’s simply too much corn in every character and plot point, and far too many close-ups of irritating actors.
The Fun Park
– (2007) – Teens in an abandoned amusement park are captured and tortured by a notorious clown. Rips off a few sub genres, but does nothing noteworthy of either. A quiet bore with an unrelenting amount of quick zooms.
Night Beast
– (1982) – An alien arrives in a small town and immediately causes minor and mass destruction. Gets off to a cheesy and explosive start before slowing into common Z-grade slop. Has some okay gore, but not a lot happens overall.