Hallowarrior
– (2026) – The supposed last girl on Earth spends Halloween alone (naturally) until she’s visited upon by three other survivors and multiple human monsters. A post-apocalyptic dud that only identifies a few characters, yet can’t do anything significant with any of them. The entirety takes place in one location, so there’s no chance new sets will distract anyone from the monotony. Worse still, the lead is referred to as “Pumpkin” so many times that one might actually want to smash her against pavement.
Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
– (2006) – An electrocuted serial killer who refuses to die is buried alive, but escapes to murder his captors. On the plus side this is rather grimy and features some staged brutality, but ill advisedly begins with scenes depicting real animal torture as a lame means to get a rise from an audience. Without that inclusion this movie is bad, with it the experience is sour.
– (1964) – A woman tries to keep her daughter-in-law and a local man apart by using demonic tactics. Mainly fueled by character drama that’s deep and often enjoyable. Never heavy or horrific, but has some provoking moments.
– (1978) – A man who’s isolated on an island to hunt a black cat gets an unexpected visit from his family. Annoying characters and an overblown metaphor ruin what the pace couldn’t kill. Dreadfully dull.
Hunter’s Blood
– (1986) – A group of men go hunting and end up in a violent war with hillbilly deer poachers. A Deliverance/The Hills Have Eyes wannabe that takes an incredibly long time setting up everyday men in kooky situations before getting to the meat of the plot. Sometimes worthwhile, but mostly a silly drag.
Deep Blue Sea
– (1999) – Sharks used in Alzheimer’s research turn on a team of scientists. Terrible whenever characters stop to speak, but okay as a dumb adventure. Showcases some tension from time to time, but forces too many groans.
Curse of the Screaming Dead
– (1982) – Friends camping near a Confederate graveyard fall under attack from lousily dressed zombies. The acting’s bad, the FX are bad, the plotting’s bad, the setting’s bad, the drama’s bad, the horror’s bad… which almost amounts to a good time. Almost.
Victor Crowley
– (2017) – The survivor of Hatchet III is trapped in a downed plane with those looking to bank on the legend of Victor Crowley. Despite a few lags, this has a ton of great jokes, awesome kills, and an overall sense of fun. Doesn’t reinvent the genre, but shows how to breathe new life into a fourth entry.
Carnival of Souls (1998)
– (1998) – Ensuing a watery car accident, a woman has premonitions of an abusive clown… who’s dead. Tries hard to come off as weird, and certainly is, but nothing straight nor uneven has any meaning or depth. Raises curiosity, but the results are always lame.
The Nightmare Never Ends
– (1980) – An author who claims God no longer exists is taunted by a demonic Nazi who doesn’t age. Has a lot going on, from religion to disco, but doesn’t stand on solid enough ground to take seriously. A bit too muddled at times, but gets credit for attempting a plot as outlandish.