Meth Gator
– (2023) – An alligator goes on the attack after eating a supply of meth. The title and concept might suggest a cheesy good time, but one aspect kills the entire experience: it’s flat out boring. You’ve seen these characters before, you’ve seen this plot before, you’ve seen the shoddy CGI before. Bad, but not in a fun way.
Strange Darling
– (2023) – A serial killer gets more than they bargained for after assaulting a victim who doesn’t want to be victimized. The greatest aspect is how expectations are manipulated, as quite a few surprises are offered throughout. Unfortunately, some truly awful decisions are made from a logical standpoint, but this is still an innovative watch despite the few missteps.
Crackcoon
– (2024) – A raccoon goes ballistic after eating rancid crack. There’s not much to discuss regarding a narrative story, as the sole purpose is for the critter to kill as many pathetic characters as possible. As a sleazy bloodbath this is pretty decent, but you’ll want to plug your ears whenever someone speaks.
Amityville: Where the Echo Lives
– (2024) – A young woman who lost her father investigates his death through psychics. Has nothing to do with Amityville, and even less to do with horror. The overabundance of surreal imagery (green screen nonsense) only renders this an art house flop or a failed film school product. The lead actress is game, but the pace is so slow the movie sometimes feels as though it’s moving backwards.
Camp Blood: Clown Shark
– (2024) – The severed head of a killer clown conjoins with a fish in a lake and becomes a murderous shark. There’s sort of a story involving the girl who killed that clown and the town that’s grateful for his demise, but that’s the only progression provided. Almost has a great homage to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre III trailer, but the overall cheapness sours that aspect as well.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2004) – A college initiation prank leads to the resurrection of a murderous scarecrow. Spends most of its time dealing with a few hospitalized victims, rather than have the titular villain establish a body count. The F/X are awful, the characters are dumb, and the marine inclusions are useless.
– (1986) – A comet causes machines on Earth to act on their own and attack humans. Begins as the dumb kind of bad, then considerably slows and becomes the boring kind of bad. Ineffectual and stupid straight through to the lazy conclusion.
– (1973) – A crippled farm boy goes bonkers after killing his mother and her new husband. The brushes with violence are okay, but the story and its characters are barely involving. Aims for psychological thrills, but never hits their mark.
Two Thousand Maniacs!
– (1964) – Southern hicks celebrating their town’s centennial kill Northerners in unique ways. The overall premise and variety of kills are inventive, but everything else is dull and irritating. Could possibly feature the worst songs ever recorded by man.
The Nest
– (1988) – Experimental cockroaches terrorize an island community. Outside of the short length and some nifty ’80s F/X, this is pretty useless since there isn’t a character involved who’s worth caring about. A dissatisfying drag.
Phantasm
– (1979) – A tall mortician is crushing the dead and shipping them to another planet, but locals are out to stop him. Slow going, but always unique and inventive as every scene offers something new and memorable. Has a strong, subtle tone and a great sense of camaraderie among the leads. One of a kind.
The Kiss
– (1988) – When the sister of a dead woman moves in with her sibling’s family, people begin to die. The plot isn’t very sound, and the voodoo motif makes no sense, but much of what’s here is worthwhile on a low level. Has an almost-exciting ending, but that too comes up short.
Sorority Slaughterhouse
– (2016) – A clown puppet possessed by a college dean’s soul goes on a killing spree in a sorority house. Pretty awful on the surface, since killer dolls and bitchy sorority girls have been done to death, but the overall corniness does make for an easy watch. Lacks gore and nudity, but does have a quick pace and decent characters.
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
– (2006) – A fast food chicken restaurant that’s built over an ancient Indian burial ground serves meals that turn patrons into chicken zombies. A horror/musical with some truly funny moments, a boat load of gore, and tons of social commentary. The musical aspect all but disappears toward the third act, but this is still sick fun overall.