Amityville Vibrator
– (2020) – A sex toy that’s picked up at a garage sale turns normal pleasure into the murderous kind. While attempting to fuse a plot, we’re treated to a skanky nun, a perverted puppet, and scenes of tattooed lesbian prowess. A repugnant sight to behold, but never pretends it’s more than what it is: a shoot among drugged up friends.
97 total views, 97 views today
Amityville Thanksgiving
– (2022) – A marriage counselor attempts to mend a bickering couple, but evil forces complicate matters. A staggeringly inept burden that showcases hideous actors spewing banal dialog, and only presents horror through speech and not action. After a while, this barely registers as an actual movie as random shots of nobodies badmouthing a therapist intercept the main plot. All around drivel.
211 total views, 71 views today
Amityville Scarecrow II
– (2022) – A scarecrow is terrorizing characters it didn’t kill the first time around. A slow, talky masterwork of boredom that does nothing right, from dialog to acting to horror to the lousy killer reveal. Only runs 79-minutes, but it feels as though 79-days pass by the time the lamebrain finale arrives. (This is a British production that has nothing to do with Amityville.)
316 total views, 67 views today
Amityville Gas Chamber
– (2022) – A quiet fellow reads The Amityville Horror novel to himself while occasionally farting. That’s it. That’s the movie. Strives to make a point that most Amityville movies are toilet waste, and you know something? He proves that point. If you get the joke this is pretty funny, but for those who haven’t suffered through one Amityville movie after the next this will probably come across as torture.
416 total views, 65 views today
Skinamarink
– (2022) – Two young kids explore their house on a night when a ghost appears. That’s pretty much it. The film isn’t interested in plot, but rather aims for mood with blurry darkness and off-centered shots. Does have uncomfortable moments, but getting to them is wrought with eye watering boredom. Unique from an artistic standpoint, but void of momentum and meaning.
517 total views, 69 views today
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2017) – A team of ghost hunters take on a variety of troubles while dealing with each other’s wacky personas. For every point of tedium there are some truly funny moments that distract from the disjointed plot. By now you should know what to expect from the cast and director involved, which is short, cheesy fun.
1,760 total views, 2 views today
– (2015) – Frat brothers retreat to the woods where a murderer continues a spree that began in two movies that don’t exist. The lost-film aspect leads to some truly witty moments, but the comedy gets obnoxious fast. Best when serving blood, though most of the time focuses on guys who won’t stop yelling.
1,713 total views, 2 views today
– (1940) – A wronged criminal turned invisible attempts to clear his name by exposing his enemies. The transparency gimmick is neat, but too many actions throughout are either childish or lack emotional weight. Too much stagnant drama, not enough inventiveness.
1,756 total views, 1 views today
Shark Night
– (2011) – College friends vacationing at a lake are terrorized by hillbillies and man eating sharks. Works best during the goofy B-movie moments, but anything serious is impossible to care about. Steadily worsens, and has lousy villain motives, but maintains a moderate level of enjoyment.
2,150 total views, 4 views today
Supercroc
– (2007) – Soldiers on foot, and higher ups in a command center, deal with a laughably fake crocodile. Feels like separate film school projects sewn together to aggravate the few suckers willing to withstand this crap. Almost off-the-charts bad, but manages some dumb fun.
2,069 total views, 1 views today
The Boneyard
– (1991) – Child murders lead investigators toward a zombie rampage in a mortuary. Never gets a chance to take off thanks to a staggeringly slow pace and only minor bouts of horror. Some of the FX are neat, but there’s not enough to spread around.
1,798 total views, 4 views today
The Kiss
– (1988) – When the sister of a dead woman moves in with her sibling’s family, people begin to die. The plot isn’t very sound, and the voodoo motif makes no sense, but much of what’s here is worthwhile on a low level. Has an almost-exciting ending, but that too comes up short.
2,629 total views, 2 views today
The Park (aka Chow lok yuen)
– (2003) – Obnoxious friends search for someone’s missing brother in a haunted amusement park. Nothing of interest occurs throughout, and the ten minutes in 3-D are lame. The exorcism-through-camera gimmick is dumb enough to murder brain cells.
2,371 total views, 4 views today
The Dark Side of Midnight
– (1984) – A killer’s on the loose in a town whose mayor is more concerned with building a university. The victims are the highlight early on, but a steady stream of repetitive banter quickly takes over. Unforgivably long, and has no idea how to build suspense or drama.
1,960 total views, 3 views today