Buddy
– (2026) – When the mascot of a children’s show starts killing its co-stars, the survivors flee to a protected realm. Meanwhile, in the real world, a woman who believes she forgot about having one of her children is sucked into the show. In other words: huh? The first act is by far the highlight as the morbidity is both disturbing and humorous, but this runs out of gas shortly thereafter. Though some sadism remains, repetition creeps in and drags down the initial enjoyment.
V/H/S/Mixtape
– (2026) – Anthology of four stories that focus on singing puppets, a couple trapped in a cube, a mysterious musician, and a killer recording her murders. If the sole intention of each story was to create a massive headache, then congrats filmmakers, you succeeded admirably since each segment is magnanimously earsplitting. Some of the practical F/X are fine, but they don’t come close to saving the weak stories, the irritating acting, and the utterly meaningless interludes.
Mark of the Witch
– (1970) – A woman who was hung as a witch returns 300 years later in the body of a college student. That’s pretty much all this is about, aside from two guys who try (and fail) to set things straight with the spiritual happenings. It’s goofy enough to skirt by on camp, but nothing that occurs ever raises a pulse.
Onslaught
– (2026) – Three lab enhanced super soldiers make their way to a trailer park where a former sniper keenly protects her daughter. This might be in the same universe as The Guest, but isn’t close to the same league. The mother/daughter drama feels forced while the action/horror dynamic feels underdeveloped. Some of the violence is okay, but there’s simply not enough of it to counteract the dull drama. Essentially, this is about an eternally pissed off woman who takes on cartoon warriors.
4 Halloween
– (2023) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a masked mutilator, a haggard witch, murderous pizza, the undead, and (making this the fifth premise despite the title) clowns from outer space. There isn’t much to say about this that’s remotely positive, so I’ll start with the good news: it ends. Every moment is repulsive, from the acting to the cheap aesthetic to the total lack of competent storytelling. Trust me, you’ll have more fun stomping out a flaming bag of dog shit.
Boorman and the Devil
– (2025) – Documentary that explores the creation of Exorcist II: The Heretic, one of the worst movies ever concocted by humans with actual talent. A mostly-fascinating recount of how a thought-promising script became a filming nightmare thanks to so many unforeseen circumstances. We often snicker at films that bomb financially, yet the final third illustrates the sadness of those involved as no one intends to create art worth laughing at. Informative and ultimately emotional.
– (2003) – Survivor of the disease that led to bug mutations photographs deadly insects. The characters provoke ire, the gimmick rips off Rear Window, and the horror is too badly lit to redeem any value. Only runs 76-minutes, but feels like 76-days.
– (1973) – Members of a biker gang commit suicide for a shot at everlasting life on the road. Some of the street shots aren’t bad, but the story is a lifeless bore that can’t tell if it wants to be serious or campy. A trial of patience.
– (2023) – A lousy real estate agent is tasked with selling a haunted house within three days or he’ll lose his job. First off, the actual Amityville house is only shown in the opening shot, as the rest takes place in a domicile that looks nothing like it. That aside, this is one of the rare Amityville titles to feature a functioning plot. It’s not a great plot, but there are advancements and a few rising stakes. Moves along just fine until abruptly ending without much resolution.
The Howling: New Moon Rising
– (1995) – A werewolf mistaken for a mountain lion occasionally kills someone in the hillbilly capital of America. Hard to say which is worse, that such a simple plot is over explained, that the highlights are clips from previous entries, or that an actual werewolf doesn’t appear until the final 30-seconds. Shockingly bad in all avenues (even without the line dancing).
3-Headed Shark Attack
– (2015) – A group of people go head to head to head against a tri-noggin shark. Has all the makings of a bad-on-purpose movie, but is too drop dead dull to elicit any fun. Has amusing spots, but pretty much stinks overall.
Beyond Re-Animator
– (2003) – Herbert West, locked up for the past 13 years, reintroduces his death serum to a prison run by an evil warden. Gets off to a great, bloody start, and continues growing until about the mid-point when new ideas start to taper off. Sometimes effective, but often slow and skittish.
Black Demons
– (1991) – Some guy records a voodoo ritual that awakens six zombie slaves. The horror can’t compensate for the rotten dialog and acting, since there are only two decent kills throughout. A boring failure that ruins what could have been an intriguing venture.
Reunion Massacre
– (2014) – A young woman is invited to a high school reunion in an abandoned building where a masked killer lurks. It’s hard to classify this as an actual movie since nothing really happens throughout the incredibly long hour. Phones calls are made, decorations and put up, a sandwich is fixed, etc. There is a guy killing a couple of people, but his motive is as thin as one can get.
The Last Horror Film
– (1982) – A lunatic movie fan travels to Cannes to pursue his favorite actress. Never bad, and always tries to mean something, but can’t grip and worsens toward the end. Good intentions are weighed down by slapdash movie making.