Popeye IV: Resurrection
– (2026) – The survivor of a mutant killer becomes entangled with a cult that revives said killer. Most of this is a contrived drama about helping others as a means of persevering, but try not to lose track of how many times you yawn through the dull progressions. Gets slightly better when violence finally arrives, but only because there are less derivative characters to put up with. The worst entry in a series of absolute wretch.
Popeye III: Requiem
– (2026) – A drug enhanced super sailor escapes from a science facility and lays waste to anyone in his way. Barely has a plot, as this only serves to exploit a well-known IP by attempting to add comical violence to what was once considered family friendly harm. Well, I’m not laughing. I’m not cringing, either, as all of the carnage is repetitive, poorly staged, and created with feeble FX. An unoriginal waste of time and resources.
Popeye Returns
– (2026) – A sailor with mutant strength takes out his militaristic problems on the small world around him. Looking for a plot? Grab a telescope and twist the lens for miles. You won’t find one. Luckily this is short, because the scarce violence and bland characters do nothing to hold concentration. A weary void that manages to end with one credible threat: “to be continued.”
Party Night
– (2017) – Three couples decide to party at an abandoned house after the prom, but find themselves stalked by a killer. While there’s absolutely nothing new to this, the female acting isn’t bad and the script delivers some realistic lines. Sadly, the gore scenes are all but ruined by blood that has too much of an orange tint, as though vodka sauce runs through everyone’s veins. Generic, but more enjoyable than many other no-budget slashers.
Big Baby
– (2025) – A struggling writer attempts to bring life to a murderer he’s dreaming about, but said killer might already exist in reality. Aims for something unique with the narrative, but gets bogged down by moments taken so seriously they come across as camp. The lead actor’s disjointed performance doesn’t help either, since his slip into madness comes dangerously close to comical. Starts okay, but worsens as it unfolds.
Abomination: The Evilmaker II
– (2003) – A spirit makes trouble for those who return to the house in which she died. Despite a lot of ghoulish happenings, they’re mostly bogged down by a dragging pace. Far from expertly made, but ties well with the first film and is competent enough to make for a relatively easy watch, especially since it’s only 79-minutes long.
– (1990) – Wizards and warriors team up with a scholar to battle hoards of monstrous enemies. A bit too manic and unfocused, but has enough moments of horrific insanity that boredom is never an issue. The style and design easily win out over the plot, if one can even be found amid the mayhem.
– (2009) – A group of friends sporting in the desert encounter pitiful looking aliens. Presents no reasons as to why time, energy, and money went into its creation. The F/X stink, the acting stinks, and the writing stinks. Avoid.
– (2015) – The western and eastern US seaboards are in line for a storm that brings sharks. A series that thrives on stupidity now expects everyone to have fun with forced manipulation. Strange in that it takes itself so seriously one moment, then exploits its own ineptness in another. Enough already.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
– (2006) – A vacationing family becomes stranded in a former nuclear test site where the hills conceal a cannibalistic clan of mutants. Best when faithful to the original, but lags when venturing off on its own. A violent bloodbath with great F/X and plenty of tension.
Beaks: The Movie
– (1987) – Angry birds attack people on land and in air. The smirking characters seem to know how stupid the concept is, yet all the so-called suspense scenes are played completely straight. Too many slow motion shots and bad acting ruin the already bleak.
Pet Sematary (1989)
– (1989) – A doctor and his family move to a new house beside an ancient burial ground that can bring the dead back to life. A great concept is carried further by spooky atmosphere, gruesome developments, and a strong performance from the mighty Fred Gwynne. Some of the other acting is pitiful, but the horror far outweighs the drama.
Cryptz
– (2002) – Three friends are forced into a strip club housed by vampires. Does the best it can with a dirt cheap budget, though the standard plot only leads to an okay-at-best time. Gets by on likable characters and a few horror moments worth noting.
The Fun Park
– (2007) – Teens in an abandoned amusement park are captured and tortured by a notorious clown. Rips off a few sub genres, but does nothing noteworthy of either. A quiet bore with an unrelenting amount of quick zooms.
Redneck Zombies
– (1987) – Radioactive waste dumped into a moonshine still causes rednecks to mutate and savor the living. The acting and pace are chief among the flaws, but they’re easily overlooked thanks to an abundance of zany humor and graphic violence. Maybe the best shot-on-video gorefest ever made.