Satan War

Satan War

★☆☆☆ -(1979) – A married couple moves into a house that inverts crosses and spews gook. Begins with an overlong satanic ritual that paves the way for the sheer boredom that follows. There’s hardly any dialog, barely any movement, and not one inkling of suspense. For some reason ends with a voodoo ritual.

The Rite

Rite, The

★½☆☆ – (2011) – An aspiring priest who’s skeptical of God assists in an exorcism that goes wrong. The lead’s plight doesn’t make sense, and only serves as an excuse to have him change in the end. Wrought with over dramatic scenarios already seen in a slew of Exorcist rip-offs.

Jaws of Satan

Jaws of Satan

★½☆☆ – (1981) – Killer snakes make trouble for a town that’s preparing to open a canine race track. Apparently, Satan has manifested himself into one snake that can control others, which never comes across as believable or frightening. More than a little slow, and does nothing not unseen in other serpent movies or Jaws rip-offs.

Tales of Halloween

Tales of Halloween

★½☆☆ – (2015) – Anthology of ten stories that focus on multiple aspects of Halloween, from killer humans to killer pumpkins. The tales range from barely okay to outright idiotic, despite thriving for holiday themes. The F/X are utterly awful, but somehow the acting is worse.