– (1991) – A sorceress abducts the winners of a sword fighting tournament and turns them into a stone army. Sounds like a goofy good time, but too much of this focuses of one droll fight after another. As repetitive as a film can get, but has enough corniness and nudity to make the watch an unharmful one.
– (1988) – A warrior and a princess set out to claim one of two stones before an evil ruler gathers both. Has a few eye opening moments of the lamest varieties, but most other progressions are mundane. Doesn’t last long and moves relatively fast, although the only highlights are ones the creators shouldn’t be proud of.
– (1987) – A warrior and a princess aim to reclaim her kingdom from a clone created by an evil magician. There’s a goofy charm persistent throughout, which is a major saving grace since this is pretty dry even with the campy tone. Swords, sorcery, and zombies and in supply, but the plot sustaining them is a bit too thin.
– (1983) – A warrior quests for magical items and a princess in a realm of monsters and other warriors. Has an abundance of fighting and nudity, but that’s about it. The plot is particularly bland, and when all is said and done most everything is easy to forget. However, this does work well as an 80’s time capsule.
– (1977) – A thawed abominable snowman, who’s generally kind, wreaks havoc when exploited by an oil tycoon. Everything featuring the monster is a blast (except when he sleeps for ten minutes), but everything else is rather dull. The combination leads to a decent time with one whopper of a highlight that involves a falling woman and her timely rescue.
– (2005) – A journalist and a reporter head to Romania to investigate a cult that can summon deadly storms. Reaches absurd levels of stupidity five minutes in and rarely disappoints in the realm of idiocy thereafter. A bit too slow to hold in higher bad movie regard, but a lot of what occurs between dialog, acting, F/X, and plot points is truly absurd.
– (1988) – A murdered cop is resurrected as a cyborg to take on a vampire amid a drug war. Works sort of well when dealing with the ridiculous horror aspects, but most of this involves stunningly dull action scenes and character interactions. Manages to amuse on occasion, but is more often prone to bore.
– (1957) – A pilot and government personnel investigate several sightings of a massive, murderous bird. Most of what happens is typical of 50’s monster movies, but what works so well here is how seriously the plot is taken versus how awful the monster looks. Has mystery and action, but is prone to repeat itself.
– (1999) – Already frightened passengers are further disrupted by a hijacker who has no choice but to let one of them land the plane. The plot is the pits, as the villain’s motive lacks any conviction or merit. There is one awesomely bombastic murder, but everything else is stale and dopey.
– (2018) – U.S soldiers trapped in Germany discover Nazi experiments that bring the dead back to life. Gets off to a rip roaring start before settling onto a long path of mediocrity. Not the first of its kind, and won’t be the last, but somehow won critics over despite offering nothing fresh (the Dead Snow and Outpost films provide just as much).