Scrotal Vengeance

★★☆☆ – (2001) – A perverted ape and his human sidekick take on a few vampires. There’s not much of a story here, but plenty of (mostly lame) jokes and bloodshed. Funny in spots, but never due to anything that will live in comedic lore, though Teen Ape does offer a few sleazy amusements.

 96 total views,  7 views today

Vampires vs. the Bronx

★½☆☆ – (2020) – A small group of friends discover vampires living in and buying out their hood. Has an okay start that blends comedy with horror elements, but quickly becomes tiresome when characters never shut up about vampire lore. The final act is especially off-putting as absolutely nothing new is presented. As for the acting… the less said the better.

 107 total views

The Blood Drinkers

★½☆☆ – (1964) – A vampire travels to a small town to find a heart for the woman he loves. Has the distinction of using different color tints for certain scenes, but none of that adds anything of value. The film itself has a goofy idea and silly horror inclusions, but it’s awfully slow and dull.

 262 total views

Curse of the Vampires

★½☆☆ – (1966) – A vampire plague spreads through an affluent family with melodramatic results. At best some of the atmosphere is spooky, but there’s not much else to commend. There’s barely any horror and the drama drags on for ages. Too much schmaltz, not enough fangs.

 334 total views

Halloween Horror Tales

★½☆☆ – (2018) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a killer clown, a targeted scream queen, murderous vegetation, and a small town vampire. None of the stories feature anything close to innovative, let alone anything that takes place on Halloween. A dirt cheap outing with atrocious storytelling and worse acting.

 329 total views,  1 views today

Fangs of the Living Dead

★½☆☆ – (1969) – A woman inherits a castle inhabited by vampires. Goes through typical motions in the set-up, follow through, and conclusion, while only providing highlights in hideous dialog. The settings are authentic, but the story and characters do nothing to rouse intrigue.

 329 total views

Robo Vampire

★½☆☆ – (1988) – A murdered cop is resurrected as a cyborg to take on a vampire amid a drug war. Works sort of well when dealing with the ridiculous horror aspects, but most of this involves stunningly dull action scenes and character interactions. Manages to amuse on occasion, but is more often prone to bore.

 280 total views

Little Red Riding Hood and the Monsters

★½☆☆ – (1962) – A young girl and a skunk intend to save a wolf and an ogre from certain death. Perhaps the most traumatic children’s movie in creation, as dark creepiness, uncomfortable progressions, and nods to Satan aren’t uncommon. An absurd curiosity that’s hard to believe exists, but any joy experienced by such a travesty is ruined by repetition, aggravation, and irritation.

 286 total views,  1 views today

Tales from the Hood 2

★★½☆ – (2018) – Anthology of four stories (with an elongated wraparound) that focus on slave toys, a necromancer, vamps, and racial politics. While some of what occurs is drop dead dumb, there’s enough humor and positive social messages throughout to keep enjoyment rolling. Not as stark as the original, but certainly amusing.

 260 total views

The Transfiguration

★★☆☆ – (2016) – A young man who drinks the blood of his victims has a hard time maintaining a new friendship. Enjoyable for its quiet take on vampires, but feels a but too much like a film it mentions, Let the Right One In. This is also slow enough to add weight to your eyelids, but still serves as middle-tier entertainment.

 246 total views