– (1988) – A murdered cop is resurrected as a cyborg to take on a vampire amid a drug war. Works sort of well when dealing with the ridiculous horror aspects, but most of this involves stunningly dull action scenes and character interactions. Manages to amuse on occasion, but is more often prone to bore.
– (1962) – A young girl and a skunk intend to save a wolf and an ogre from certain death. Perhaps the most traumatic children’s movie in creation, as dark creepiness, uncomfortable progressions, and nods to Satan aren’t uncommon. An absurd curiosity that’s hard to believe exists, but any joy experienced by such a travesty is ruined by repetition, aggravation, and irritation.
– (2018) – Anthology of four stories (with an elongated wraparound) that focus on slave toys, a necromancer, vamps, and racial politics. While some of what occurs is drop dead dumb, there’s enough humor and positive social messages throughout to keep enjoyment rolling. Not as stark as the original, but certainly amusing.
– (2016) – A young man who drinks the blood of his victims has a hard time maintaining a new friendship. Enjoyable for its quiet take on vampires, but feels a but too much like a film it mentions, Let the Right One In. This is also slow enough to add weight to your eyelids, but still serves as middle-tier entertainment.
– (2013) – A young man on vacation in a foreign land is attacked by, and gradually becomes, a vampire. Has the authentic feel of a reality show in the early stages, and the lead’s slow dissolve into vampirism is effective. By the end, however, anything insightful becomes routine, and the found footage gimmick feels unnecessary.
– (1978) – A magical author and a vampire manipulate the minds and necks of women. A second version of Lucifer’s Women that adds new scenes of horror hokum and in turn loses the smutty highlights of the initial version. Still doesn’t make much sense, but has enough going on to not consider a complete failure.
– (2012) – A sixteen-year-old vampire struggles with her existence alongside her mother. Takes its sweet ass time going about typical vampire dramatics, but has enough unique inclusions that set this apart from other tales of bloodsucker lore. Leans toward the dull side, yet you do care about character outcomes.