– (1995) – A vampire spreads his curse while Van Helsing and others aim to stop him. Packs a ton of jokes into the scant running time, but very few actually work. Considerably lame on most occasions, though it does move fast and has a light, carefree tone.
– (2016) – A vampire in a shiny leather coat aims to stop her kind from fighting werewolves in shiny leather coats. Yet another preposterous, pompous, and pretentious entry in a never-ending series that continues to take itself too seriously despite a severe lack of originality. Bloated CGI mumbo jumbo for an audience that couldn’t possible be asking for more entries.
– (1985) – A high school student looking to lose his virginity is bitten by a female vampire who won’t leave him alone. Moves incredibly fast and has plenty of outlandish moments, but the humor is rather stale and the plot too flimsy to worry about. Shows signs of Jim Carrey’s bright future, but here he’s as underplayed as all the other characters.
– (1973) – An average man who discovers a famous magician’s cloak becomes a famous magician. The plot to get things going is bad enough, but too many other aspects are thrown in to render this a conglomeration of bad scenes that form one nonsensical concoction. A complete mess that disappeared for a reason.
– (1966) – A space crew bound for Mars picks up a green woman who has an appetite for plasma. A dorky experience that explains too much through assumed dialog and not nearly enough through direct action. The female-alien-breeding-eggs motif is a prelude to Alien films, but this dud certainly didn’t influence their excitement.
– (2004) – Vampires spread throughout a town of human enemies and complicate already touchy relationships. The first hour has plenty of violent and sleazy progressions amid decent characters, but the final third succumbs to familiar vampire nonsense. Spirals into complete boredom right down to the improbable final shot.
– (2006) – While searching for a five legged goat with two heads, a reporter ends up in a town inhabited by vampires, zombies, and sluts. Somewhere within the juvenile jokes and self-aware atrocities is a story with significant ambitions. Strives too hard for laughs, which is an uphill battle since the humor is abominable.