– (1979) – Exiled from Transylvania, Count Dracula travels to New York City to claim a cover model. There’s not much of a plot, and nothing is all that funny, yet it doesn’t do anything annoying, which helps. Bland, but doesn’t overstay its welcome.
– (2016) – A vampire in a shiny leather coat aims to stop her kind from fighting werewolves in shiny leather coats. Yet another preposterous, pompous, and pretentious entry in a never-ending series that continues to take itself too seriously despite a severe lack of originality. Bloated CGI mumbo jumbo for an audience that couldn’t possible be asking for more entries.
– (1985) – A high school student looking to lose his virginity is bitten by a female vampire who won’t leave him alone. Moves incredibly fast and has plenty of outlandish moments, but the humor is rather stale and the plot too flimsy to worry about. Shows signs of Jim Carrey’s bright future, but here he’s as underplayed as all the other characters.
– (1973) – An average man who discovers a famous magician’s cloak becomes a famous magician. The plot to get things going is bad enough, but too many other aspects are thrown in to render this a conglomeration of bad scenes that form one nonsensical concoction. A complete mess that disappeared for a reason.
– (1966) – A space crew bound for Mars picks up a green woman who has an appetite for plasma. A dorky experience that explains too much through assumed dialog and not nearly enough through direct action. The female-alien-breeding-eggs motif is a prelude to Alien films, but this dud certainly didn’t influence their excitement.
– (2004) – Vampires spread throughout a town of human enemies and complicate already touchy relationships. The first hour has plenty of violent and sleazy progressions amid decent characters, but the final third succumbs to familiar vampire nonsense. Spirals into complete boredom right down to the improbable final shot.