Satanic Panic

[rating:1.5] – (2019) – A pizza delivery girl becomes the target of a Satanic cult that’s in need of a virginal sacrifice. Attempts zaniness at every turn, yet usually comes across as disjointed and unfunny. Moves fast and doesn’t last long, but misses the mark in both horror and camp by trying too hard to pass off the mundane plot as a silly comedy.

Clue

[rating:1.5] – (1985) – A group of strangers with common blackmail issues gather at a mansion where mysterious murders transpire. There’s only 68-minutes of actual footage before the over-explained conclusions take over, and that scant time is wasted on cardboard characters and woefully inept comedy. Despite so much forced zaniness, this is incredibly dull.

The Dead Don’t Die

[rating:1.5] – (2019) – The dead are on the rise in a sleepy town, prompting its citizens to embellish their decapitation skills. Sets up a doomsday scenario that offers promise, but the outcome is crippled by a complete lack of originality. Too slow, too familiar, and worst of all, too unfunny. While you’re not laughing, good luck finding any character worth caring about.

Haunting on Fraternity Row

[rating:2.5] – (2018) Frat bros host a luau that’s interrupted by an evil spirit lurking in their house. Nothing new occurs, the camera style is unnecessarily distracting, and the characters are all worthy of choking out. However, there is an ambitious strive to entertain throughout, which does come through in the quick pace and the comedic horror scenarios.

The Cable Guy

[rating:1.5] – (1996) – A man having a relationship issue befriends a psycho who tries too hard to fit into his life. The protagonist’s dilemmas are too typical, while the antagonist adds nothing but corny excuses as to why TV might make someone nuts. Forces a social point in the end, but like all else before it, nothing is ever funny or convincing.

Tammy and the T-Rex

[rating:2.5] – (1994) – A young man who’s mauled by a lion has his brain implanted into a mechanical dinosaur. As preposterous as the plot sounds, this actually sort of works because it knows exactly how stupid it is. Moves fast and blends eye-rolling comedy with some genuinely humorous moments. Sounds like a children’s movie, but is far more risque.

Anna and the Apocalypse

[rating:2] – (2018) – A zombie outbreak forces high school students to face the trials and tribulations of a vicious world. Begins as an ambitious musical with a few catchy tunes, but gradually forgets to include songs and focuses too much on common zombie tropes and a useless human villain subplot. Hits a few high notes, but ends flat despite emotional strives.