Things II
– (1998) – An author tells an aspiring writer two stories about a creature involved in a robbery and a creature involved in the disappearance of a model. A zero budget outing that will never win points for drama, but some of the acting is above average while the scant plots move quickly. Could have used more gore, but that would only have added to an already bleak budget.
Poor Things
– (2023) – A woman with a child’s brain tries to come to terms with her own body before coming to terms with the world at large. A humorous and well-written fantasy about rare second chances at life and how mankind always veers toward personal domination. The atmosphere is as unique as the plot, and never feels artsy on purpose. Instead, this is a superior looking film to coincide with superior human performances.
Night Swim
– (2024) – An injured baseball player moves his family into a house whose pool harbors an evil secret. It’s hard to say which is worse, the morose characters, the languid attempts at horror, or the by-the-books investigation into a weak mystery. An insanely dull and humorless venture that pits a force we know nothing about against characters we care nothing about.
Undying Love
– (1991) – A suicidal misanthrope hooks up with a vampire who grants him eternal life. If you’ve seen any other vampire movie you’ll know what to expect from this one. Does absolutely nothing new, but does it rather competently despite the meager budget. Takes itself a bit too seriously, but some unintended humor and a quick pace help cast aside some of the negatives.
Shock-O-Rama
– (2005) – Anthology of three stories that focus on a junkyard alien, a bathtub zombie, and a giant brain that explores dreams. While the final tale tends to drag, the first two are chock full o’ stuff great B-movies are made of; notably the high abundance of nudity and cheese. The first two stories are zany, fast moving, and surprisingly funny. In all, an imperfectly fun time.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2019) – Survivors of a zombie outbreak go in search of one of their own in dangerous terrain. Does what it can to entertain in a variety of ways, but nothing is particularly original or as funny as intended. Comes and goes without causing irritation, but once it’s over it’s easy to move on from.
– (2010) – Two sets of friends go camping in the realm of a blood addicted killer. Does a better-than-average job pretending it’s from the ’80s, mainly in clothing and technology, and adds an abundance of humor. Loses steam when the killer’s aspect takes over, but still provides plenty of mindless stupidity and fun.
– (2015) – A small group of men and women form a search party in the woods, only to end up the prey of a legendary monster. A lagging bore with few locations, a nonsensical story, and stereotypical characters. There’s enough gore to call this horror, but the monster is surprisingly never seen outside feathers and close-ups of an eye and a foot. Makes less sense as it goes.
Two Thousand Maniacs!
– (1964) – Southern hicks celebrating their town’s centennial kill Northerners in unique ways. The overall premise and variety of kills are inventive, but everything else is dull and irritating. Could possibly feature the worst songs ever recorded by man.
Lake Placid 3
– (2010) – Giant crocodiles are terrorizing a dysfunctional family and campers. Has a few moments that should provide fun, but no character is worth the bat of an eyelash and the crocs look distractingly horrible. Has the lone distinction of moving fast.
Frozen Scream
– (1975) – A cult that wants to live forever randomly attacks people. When the movie itself isn’t making sense, a narrator comes in to interrupt the events without clarifying anything. “Bad” isn’t the word, though “pathetic” might be.
Alabama’s Ghost
– (1973) – An average man who discovers a famous magician’s cloak becomes a famous magician. The plot to get things going is bad enough, but too many other aspects are thrown in to render this a conglomeration of bad scenes that form one nonsensical concoction. A complete mess that disappeared for a reason.
Killjoy’s Psycho Circus
– (2016) – After escaping Hell, a devious clown hosts a talk show before realizing he should leave Earth. Has so much going on that any accurate description might take pages, yet the maniacal structure is the saving grace. Incredibly ambitious for something shot on the cheap, and has aspirations to please fans of pure lunacy.
Plutonium Baby
– (1987) – A child born of a radioactive mother can’t escape his ill-fated past. The first half is okay when dealing with bloodshed in the woods, but the second half (which takes place ten years later even though everything looks the same) is flat out dull. Initially fun, but ultimately torturous.