Schlock

★½☆☆ – (1973) – The missing link runs amok while terrorizing people, going to the movies, and playing a piano. It’s clear from the first second that this never intended to be anything but a cheesy comedy, but the problem is that it’s never funny. Easy to get through thanks to a short length, but still tries patience early on.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

★½☆☆ – (2018) – A few dinosaurs are rescued from a volcanic realm while a newly constructed breed makes trouble in a facility. Peaks 30-minutes in after an exciting lava chase, but the rest is a contest in which means less: the stale plot or the stale characters. Has some dark moments, but when the only sympathy is geared toward CGI monsters, something is seriously wrong.

A Quiet Place

★★☆☆ – (2018) – A small family continues to outlast creatures that attack anything that makes noise. Somehow won the world over, most likely those in for some decent scares and those who’ve never seen Tremors. While there are inventive moments, there are some illogical ones as well, along with predictability and the sad fact that we have no idea who these people are.

Bed of the Dead

★½☆☆ – (2016) – Two couples share a bed that has the power to kill them once they hop out. The entire set-up lacks conviction, as the characters are up to something most believe is a bad idea. Some horror moments are okay, but the logic is woefully inept while the pace is disastrously slow. A movie about a bed shouldn’t make you want to fall asleep, but here we are.

Mighty Peking Man

★★☆☆ – (1977) – A giant ape is brought to a major city as an attraction, to the dismay of the blonde bombshell he raised. Not unlike any other King Kong knockoff, but this one stands above the others for its overall absurdity and explosive violence. Drags at times, but is ultimately a fun time killer.