Things (1989)

★☆☆☆ – (1989) – Two friends encounter summoned creatures in a small house. Has moments that feel like a direct rip-off of The Evil Dead, but this can’t even plagiarize correctly. All that’s here are a bunch of scenes shot on the cheap, presumably without a script, for the sole purpose of making a “movie.” All parties involved should bow their heads in shame for barely trying.

 75 total views,  1 views today

Toxic Tutu

½☆☆☆ – (2017) – “Legendary” actor Mark Torgl comes out of seclusion only to run into radioactive troubles that stem from The Toxic Avenger. Destroys the credibility of a cult classic with a pitiful story that’s so haphazardly edited it’s almost impossible to tell what’s happening. I doubt even the most seasoned Troma fan will be able to withstand this virtually unwatchable mess.

 132 total views,  1 views today

Don’t Speak

★☆☆☆ – (2020) – A small family is stalked by a monster that hunts on sound. One of the lamest movies committed to film since there’s no credibility in the characters or monster. This is dull, ugly, unoriginal, and not even remotely suspenseful. Wants to be A Quiet Place (with Alien inclusions) but is far too inept.

 144 total views,  1 views today

Color Out of Space

★★★☆ – (2019) – A meteor crashes onto the property of an isolated family, and brings with it troubles of the colorful kind. Begins by building credibility in the few characters before tossing them into some truly dire situations. Not entirely deep from an emotional perspective, but gets by on unpredictability and dark surrealism.

 243 total views,  1 views today

Terror Toons 2

★½☆☆ – (2007) – Monstrous puppets of Hansel & Gretel invade a young girl’s birthday party. The persistent aim for cartoon camp only reaches levels of over-the-top irritation, even before the monsters are unleashed. The F/X are terrible, the plot is flimsy, and the strive for comedy never succeeds. Follows the basic pattern of the original, which is not a good thing.

 197 total views,  1 views today

The Sand

★★☆☆ – (2015) – A group of friends are stranded on a beach thanks to sand that devours people. An okay blend of Blood Beach, Tremors, and “The Raft” from Creepshow 2 that does nothing new but provides a variety of used ideas at a relatively even pace. The main distraction is the stale dialog, which is full of characters constantly yelling “Babe!” and “You need to!” Still, there’s worse.

 157 total views,  1 views today

From a Whisper to a Scream

★★★☆ – (1987) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a lonely murderer, a greedy thief, carnival lust, and young Civil War survivors. While none of the tales make much sense, each has its own creepy vibe and some violent moments that are hard to shake. A dark, atmospheric, and bloody good time that ends with a truly humorous line.

 183 total views

The Night of the Wererooster

★½☆☆ – (2015) – A small group of men and women form a search party in the woods, only to end up the prey of a legendary monster. A lagging bore with few locations, a nonsensical story, and stereotypical characters. There’s enough gore to call this horror, but the monster is surprisingly never seen outside feathers and close-ups of an eye and a foot. Makes less sense as it goes.

 200 total views,  1 views today

I Was a Teenage Wereskunk

★★☆☆ – (2016) – A rather old-looking high school student becomes a monstrous rodent when he’s aroused. Attempts to provide the cheese of 50’s monster movies, while heaping in a ton modern corn, and has its heart set on entertaining us in this manner. The problem is that the results range from incredibly lame to incredibly unfunny. Tries a little too hard to come across as offbeat.

 193 total views