Gretel & Hansel

★½☆☆ – (2020) – A banished girl and her brother happen upon an evil woman who tries teaching them the ways of the witch. Despite some great scenery, there’s not much else to please the senses as this is one of the slowest films in recent memory. Never builds dread because nothing is original, and never builds characters since everything they whisper is ordinary.

 135 total views

In the Land of the Cannibals

★★☆☆ – (2004) – Soldiers venture into a jungle on a search and rescue mission, but encounter enraged cannibals. Begins as an obvious rip-off of Cannibal Holocaust before becoming an obvious rip-off of Predator. The amount of plagiarism has to be seen to be believed, yet is the only redeeming quality.

 216 total views

Blood Massacre

★★★☆ – (1991) – Armed robbers hole up in the house of a seemingly ordinary family, yet the tides quickly turn on them. The first third is pretty ordinary, but from then on becomes a surprisingly morbid tale with more than one unexpected twist. Has a couple of lags, but dishes out a high degree of blood and insanity.

 208 total views

Halloween at Aunt Ethyl’s

★★☆☆ – (2018) – A few friends try to stop an old woman from killing children on Halloween. The horror aspects pretty much stink, since the whole idea is nothing new, and the lack of any police activity is simply preposterous. However, the first forty minutes are filled with genuine moments of humor, so not all time is wasted.

 199 total views

Septic Man

★½☆☆ – (2013) – A man searching for the end to a viral outbreak becomes trapped in a sewer by a giant and his evil brother. Has a gleefully vile opening scene that only opens the door to the sheer boredom that follows. Grisly throughout, but otherwise offers nothing that isn’t disgusting (i.e. a point).

 145 total views

Raw

★★★☆ – (2016) – A freshman in college is hazed into eating meat, and steadily grows a hunger for human flesh. A far-from-standard story that never fully explains itself, which only fuels the intrigue. Some scenes of violence are hard to watch, while the story takes hold early on and never lets go.

 159 total views

Exit to Hell

★½☆☆ – (2013) – Gang members who shoot up a Russian strip club end up victims of a sadistic family ensuing escape. Blends an ordinary gangster movie with an ordinary Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoff and ends up an ordinary bore. Has some great nudity early on, and some okay violence, but everything else is too familiar.

 144 total views

The 13th Warrior

★½☆☆ – (1999) – A man on a mission of peace ends up battling a horde of cannibals alongside twelve other warriors. A trivial mess that somehow turns sword battles into tests of endurance. Characters have no depth, the story is too basic, and the victories throughout too easily won. More along the lines of a Lord of the Rings film without any purpose or meaning.

 140 total views,  1 views today

Trouble Every Day

★★½☆ – (2001) – Newlyweds honeymoon in an area where a woman is eating people and a doctor who might know why disappeared. Has a deliberately slow pace and never identifies what it’s about, yet manages to hold attention through some grisly and sexually charged moments. An atypical structure further enhances the confusing creepiness.

 163 total views

Holocaust Cannibal

★☆☆☆ – (2014) – Nazis are separated from one another ensuing a plane mishap and end up in woods where cannibals dwell. Runs 96 minutes, but if you remove all the slo-mo shots this would easily lose a half hour. Though a few rants are humorous, there are more close-ups of butt cheeks than anything that advances an actual plot.

 150 total views