Exit to Hell

★½☆☆ – (2013) – Gang members who shoot up a Russian strip club end up victims of a sadistic family ensuing escape. Blends an ordinary gangster movie with an ordinary Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoff and ends up an ordinary bore. Has some great nudity early on, and some okay violence, but everything else is too familiar.

The 13th Warrior

★½☆☆ – (1999) – A man on a mission of peace ends up battling a horde of cannibals alongside twelve other warriors. A trivial mess that somehow turns sword battles into tests of endurance. Characters have no depth, the story is too basic, and the victories throughout too easily won. More along the lines of a Lord of the Rings film without any purpose or meaning.

Trouble Every Day

★★½☆ – (2001) – Newlyweds honeymoon in an area where a woman is eating people and a doctor who might know why disappeared. Has a deliberately slow pace and never identifies what it’s about, yet manages to hold attention through some grisly and sexually charged moments. An atypical structure further enhances the confusing creepiness.

Cannibal Doctor

★☆☆☆ – (1999) – A young woman applies for a secretary job yet is fondled and stripped nude over the course of an hour. That’s it. That’s the movie. Granted, Erin Brown is extremely attractive, but watching her get humiliated for such a long stretch is discomforting. Eventually winds down on a note of eating the lead actress, which is the most plot this offers.


★½☆☆ – (2008) – A football team crash lands in the Himalayas and are picked off by a Sasquatch. Takes the key components of Alive, and throws in a ridiculous looking monster to further disrupt the lives of atrocious brats. Has a few awful/fun moments, but most are just plain awful.

The Thirteenth Reunion

Thirteenth Reunion, The

★★☆☆ – (1980) – A journalist investigates the murder of a man who’s not placed in his coffin. The mystery elements and drawn characters are decent at first, but the story gradually becomes more and more sluggish. The twist ending is okay, and the final shot is a good one, but overall this is a bit dry and uneventful.

Bone Tomahawk

Bone Tomahawk

★★½☆ – (2015) – Four men travel in search of those abducted by a savage band of Indians. Has a slew of great lines and shocking moments, but they’re all dragged out through 132 long minutes. Commendable for its brutal and effective violence, but the pace prohibits higher regard.

The Green Inferno

Green Inferno, The

★½☆☆ – (2013) – Naive college students protesting a jungle development crash land in hostile territory. Hard to believe a director who waited two years to exploit the torture genre with Hostel would wait thrity to a exploit a genre that was best left to infamy. A polished version of movies you simply can’t duplicate.