Jakob’s Wife

★★★☆ – (2021) – A minister’s wife faces a grim lifestyle change after she’s bitten by a vampire. A study of a stale marriage made lively through a multitude of deaths that has plenty of unexpected turns. Character motivations aren’t always air tight, and some spots are flat out goofy, but thanks to a quick pace and a fistful of violence, this is enjoyable straight through.

 54 total views,  2 views today

Pool Party Massacre

★★½☆ – (2017) – A group of bratty young women gather for a party while a killer stalks the premises. As a narrative this is atrocious, but as a comedy where bitchy girls constantly exchange insults this is pretty funny. The ultimate motive is as narcissistic as the setup, which equates an amusing time that’s often easy on the eyes.

 48 total views,  1 views today

Honeydew

★☆☆☆ – (2020) – A couple with car trouble takes shelter in the house of strange clan only to find themselves held captive by them. Seems to run a contest over which is the lesser aspect of itself, the plot or the characters (they tie for least). A resounding mess that reeks of a pretentious college project, and irritates far more than it invigorates.

 64 total views,  1 views today

Skinned Deep

★☆☆☆ – (2004) – A young woman is abducted by a twisted family that can seemingly alter reality. An odd concoction of obnoxious characters and over-the-top antics that’s probably best enjoyed on heavy drugs. Forgotten not because it’s atypical, but because it tries too hard to come across as offbeat while lacking any merit in story or characters.

 59 total views,  2 views today

Godzilla vs. Kong

★★☆☆ – (2021) – Kong is released from his habitat to protect humans against Godzilla, while a new enemy aims for supremacy. The human characters are worthless, which is expected, but the biggest problem is that the monster battles have no stakes. The CGI mayhem is fairly decent when it does arise, but it’s still just CGI mayhem that lacks any sort of tension since it simply doesn’t matter who wins or loses.

 98 total views,  2 views today

Promising Young Woman

★★☆☆ – (2020) – A damaged woman seeks revenge against those who harmed or betrayed her assaulted friend. A slow building vigilante story that seems ordinary on the surface, but becomes less traditional the more the protagonist takes action. The problem is that (A) few of her deeds are actually seen and (B) her final plan is more aggravating than shocking since the outcome doesn’t necessitate the severity she invites.

 99 total views,  1 views today

Return to Splatter Farm

★★☆☆ – (2020) – A group of friends travel to a farm where murders that occurred 33 years ago suddenly appear again. There isn’t much of a plot to speak of, but there are some mild pleasures in the cheap gore and unexpected humor. Reeks of amateurishness, which is all part of the Z-grade charm.

 112 total views

Scrotal Vengeance

★★☆☆ – (2001) – A perverted ape and his human sidekick take on a few vampires. There’s not much of a story here, but plenty of (mostly lame) jokes and bloodshed. Funny in spots, but never due to anything that will live in comedic lore, though Teen Ape does offer a few sleazy amusements.

 106 total views

Garden Tool Massacre

★☆☆☆ – (1997) – Someone’s picking off people in a small town, ruining their opportunity to do nothing. There’s little more to this than watching characters perform random tasks before they’re killed, and not exclusively by gardening tools. Lacks a plot and a point, but at least it’s short.

 108 total views,  2 views today