They Don’t Cut the Grass Anymore

They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore

★★☆☆ – (1985) – Two hillbillies mutilate men and women who lead better lives than them. Complete garbage from a cinematic standpoint, but does have impressive backyard gore. Ambitious in its strive to nauseate, but the story is worthless.

Posted in Campy, Hillbilly, Slasher/Serial | Leave a comment

Kill for Me

KIll for Me

★½☆☆ – (2013) – Best friends come to blows over the deaths of their ex-boyfriends. Has a scene or two outside exploitative lesbianism than means anything, but most of what occurs is laughably melodramatic. Too self-absorbed to realize how unoriginal it is.

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The Bates Haunting

Bates Haunting, The

★★☆☆ – (2012) – A girl who’s still not over her friend’s death at a Haunted Hayride is put on a killer’s chopping black. Despite some rancid comedy, the scenario and horror aspects aren’t half bad. Typical, but not hard to get through at a scant 76-minutes.

Posted in Slasher/Serial, Torture | Leave a comment

Taintlight

Taintlight

★½☆☆ – (2009) – A brooding girl falls for a goofy vampire who has issues with flamboyant werewolves. Spoofs Twilight in too-obvious fashion, and never exploits the true weakness of those films: languid self-importance. Has a moment or two worth chuckling over, but is never entirely fun.

Posted in Horror Comedy, Vampire, Wolf | Leave a comment

Freakshow Apocalypse: The Unholy Sideshow

Freakshow Apocalypse

★½☆☆ – (2007) – Circus freaks come to blows with a pair of magicians who determine the fate of mankind. Feels more like a commercial for a “sadistic” sideshow than a legitimate weird vs. evil film. Mercifully short, but hard to tell what’s going on and why.

Posted in Freak/Mutant, Special Powers | Leave a comment

13/13/13

13-13-13

★½☆☆ – (2013) – The world goes to psychotic shambles on the exact date Leap Year avoided. Takes a silly premise too seriously, which is a problem that’s never overcome. Has shades of originality, but too often succumbs to idiocy.

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Slash

Slash

★½☆☆ – (2002) – A rock band travels to a locale where a scarecrow-type killer is picking them off. Shows promise in the scenario, but never takes off since nothing new ever occurs. Standard nonsense that never rises above mediocrity.

Posted in Scarecrow, Slasher/Serial | Leave a comment

Dark House

Dark House

★☆☆☆ – (2009) – An acting troupe is hired to experience a faux haunted house that’s actually haunted. Miserable from the start thanks to pitiful acting and characters that elicit zero sympathy. Induces far more unintentional laughs than actual fear.

Posted in Ghost, Haunted House, Insanity | Leave a comment

The Tomb

Tomb, The

★½☆☆ – (2009) – A man already in love is seduced by a woman who needs souls to prolong her life. Nearly impossible to watch thanks to whisper quiet dialog and bombastic sound effects, but even on mute the sight of so-so actors scraping the bottom of barrel is depressing. Drab, incoherent, and lacks involvement.

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The Crucifier

Crucifier, The

★☆☆☆ – (2005) – A drug addict with religious delusions crucifies scantily clad women. Hard to say what the purpose is outside pretentious dialog, awful music, and repetitive close-ups of victimized girls. A dull and rambling void.

Posted in Religious, Slasher/Serial, Torture | 1 Comment