Alien: Covenant

★★½☆ – (2017) – A space crew hones in on a beacon sent from a planet with reproduction issues. Takes a while to get going, and has plenty of slow spots, but does manage to excite on occasion. Answers questions posed in Prometheus, but not in an air tight manner. Certainly entertaining, and worthy of the franchise.

The Amityville Legacy

★½☆☆ – (2016) – A toy monkey from the Amityville house has a man envisioning the ghost of the notorious Long Island killer. At the very least has something to do with the original film, unlike most recent sequels, but the output is too cheap to respect. Does have murders that correlate with the legend, but there’s virtually no conclusion. Runs less than an hour before the slow credits roll, which is the ultimate blessing.

Amityville: Vanishing Point

☆☆☆☆ – (2016) – A girl goes missing from a boarding house in Amityville. The plot is nearly impossible to discern since every line of dialog is an exercise in how not to speak, and is often spoken alongside music of equal volume. This is clearly the work of someone with a camcorder, five dollars, and friends who are willing to ruin their low-level acting careers in one fell swoop. Ugly, erratic, and irritating.

The Amityville Playhouse

★½☆☆ – (2015) – A group of friends become trapped in a haunted theater in a town called Amityville. Spends the bulk of its overlong length having incredibly bad actors rambling on with incredibly bad dialog. When horror does arise, it’s of such low quality you’ll find yourself wishing for more chatter. The actors do amuse with their complete inability to make any conflict seem real.

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

★★½☆ – (2016) – While trying to determine the cause of death of an unknown woman, a pathologist and his son unleash evil forces. For every instance that makes you say, “Well, duh,” there’s another that makes you say, “Oh, s**t!” Has some truly unique and tense inclusions, but isn’t exactly flawless in its logic.

Amityville Death House

★☆☆☆ – (2015) – A group of friends stop at a house in Amityville, NY that has ties to Salem, MA. A pathetic attempt to cash in on notorious New York murders when it’s perfectly clear this is not a New York production. The characters, and everything they do and have happen to them, are useless, bland, and pedestrian.