Thanksgiving
– (2023) – Someone is picking off those in connection with a Black Friday tragedy. Works well as a throwback to 80’s slashers, complete with annoying teens amid a whodunnit backdrop. This is basically My Bloody Valentine meets Happy Birthday to Me, which is perfectly fine. The pace is relatively brisk, some of the kills are hysterical, and the outcome is mostly satisfying.
Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor
– (2023) – A small group of ghost hunters investigate a mansion with a checkered past. Begins with promise when setting up what should be a spooky situation, but once the back story is out of the way the real troubles start creeping in. For one, the structure is repetitive. Nothing happens until BAM! a ghost appears. Rinse and repeat. Worse are the actors/characters. Rarely is a cast as screechy, whiney and hard to root for.
Five Nights at Freddy’s
– (2023) – To prove he’s capable of taking care of his younger sister, a man takes on a job at an abandoned restaurant. Unfortunately, his sibling befriends the animatronics within while others aim to destroy the property. An insufferable dud that focuses on the trivial plights of unrelatable characters while the main attractions waste more time building a fort than actually terrorizing anyone. There’s supposedly “lore” to understand, but I’d rather not further explore these mechanisms of outright boredom.
Suitable Flesh
– (2023) – A psychiatrist gets involved with a patient who’s succumbing to an evil entity that has the ability to alter bodies. Though the premise is intriguing, the output is bogged down by less-than-stellar performances and an overly pretentious villain. The brushes with gore are decent, but in all there’s simply no one to care for since anyone could be anyone else at any given moment.
Totally Killer
– (2023) – A young woman from 2023 travels back to 1987 and attempts to thwart an infamous massacre. Might have felt more original if not for 2015’s The Final Girls, but still has plenty of problems to call its own. The decade references aren’t always authentic, the time travel motif is too ridiculous to take seriously, while the characters are basically props in ’80s costumes. Does have a few clever moments, but its own wit comes across as smarmy.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2018) – A young man obliterates his dysfunctional family after a slow dissolve involving abuse, drugs, and infrequent haunts. A variation of Amityville II that doesn’t resort to as much corn, but rather tries to depict history in a more straightforward manner. Not always on point, and the Long Island accents are a bit much, but by the end this is wholly effective.
– (1991) – Freddy locates his offspring, who unwittingly brings him more victims in the form of troubled teens. The only thing that works is the back story of Freddy, but even some of that is weak. Attempts to end the series on a zany note, but essentially turns Freddy into a clown. A pathetic mess that is neither funny nor amusing.
Redneck Zombies
– (1987) – Radioactive waste dumped into a moonshine still causes rednecks to mutate and savor the living. The acting and pace are chief among the flaws, but they’re easily overlooked thanks to an abundance of zany humor and graphic violence. Maybe the best shot-on-video gorefest ever made.
King Kong (2005)
– (2005) – A film crew on a monstrous island discovers a giant ape who prefers a blonde female. Takes forever to get to the action, then lays on a mountain of special F/X that are too overblown to compute. Badly miscast, overlong by an hour, and offers too many groans with some embarrassing activities.
The Dead
– (2010) – Zombies are on the rise in Africa, pitting an American engineer against their masses. Does an okay job establishing a feeling of dread, as living corpses are everywhere, but has major struggles with pace and excitement. More a Fulci movie on barbiturates than a positive modern achievement.
From Beyond the Grave
– (1973) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a haunted mirror, a voodoo woman, a shoulder phantom and a mysterious door. Provides some amusement and creepy atmosphere, but loses too many bouts with sluggishness and silliness.
The Fun Park
– (2007) – Teens in an abandoned amusement park are captured and tortured by a notorious clown. Rips off a few sub genres, but does nothing noteworthy of either. A quiet bore with an unrelenting amount of quick zooms.
Play Dead
– (1983) – A woman with a vendetta against her family magically persuades a dog to kill them. Anything dealing with the drama is the pits, but the dog inclusions are so manically awful they’re hard not to appreciate. Bad, but entertaining for all the wrong reasons.