Little Bites
– (2024) – A woman allows herself to be eaten by a demon as a means to protect her daughter. The premise is unique, but unique doesn’t necessarily equate high quality when the bulk of the output is so drab. The pace is too slow, the character plights are ordinary, the acting is hit and miss, and there’s absolutely zero suspense throughout.
Deer Camp ’86
– (2022) – A group of friends go hiking in a terrain where they’re picked off my a mysterious figure. Looks and sounds nothing like 1986, so I’m not sure what that’s all about, but as far as narrative films are concerned, this is about as average as a movie can get. The plot is ordinary, characters are either annoying or common, while the horror inclusions are incredibly dry. Never outright bad, but never really involving.
Salem’s Lot (2024)
– (2024) – An author returns to his hometown to pen a new novel, but finds himself battling vampires instead. Lacks the key component of what made the book and prior films successful: character camaraderie. As such, this feels like any other run of the mill vampire flick. The rare spots of violence are okay, but too many ill-advised ideas are just plain corny. A fangless bore.
WNUF Halloween Special
– (2013) – A faux news broadcast takes us inside the house of a notorious murder, but things don’t go as planned. An absolutely whimsical experience in presentation alone. This looks, feels, and sounds exactly like an 80’s telecast. Moreover, the structure is equal to a live event of any decade in that the bulk consists of commercials while the main event comes and goes as it pleases. It’s funny in all the right places, and succeeds admirably in its design.
Terror Toons 4
– (2022) – Anthology of four stories that focus on killer bees, a mad scientist’s experiments, a demon summoned thorough a film script, and woodland deformities. It’s hard to imagine why this exists, or why anyone would lend their “talent” to it, since there could never have been an indication that this would end up as anything but terrible. The plots are inane while the green screen usage is entirely overmuch. Some of the F/X are ambitious, but they only serve to enhance pointless drivel.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1991) – A family moves to Nilbog and discovers that the inhabitants are goblins. Cheap F/X, rancid acting, and brain dead wit normally suggest a worthless time, but every event is so laughably awful it’s hard not to become amused. A bottom of the barrel curiosity.
– (2018) – A priest and a prospective nun investigate a suicide at a convent and slowly unravel a dark secret. Despite showcasing stark atmosphere and ghoulish imagery, there’s not much happening here storywise. This is by-the-numbers religious hodgepodge with an underused and unscary villain. Another Conjuring spinoff letdown.
– (1995) – The last of the vampire killers kills the last of the vampires. Features everything that makes a terrible vampire movie, especially the creation of new rules while pandering to every old cliche. An incoherent and irrelevant waste of time.
Just Before Dawn
– (1980) – Five campers fall prey to inbred twins. Starts with a horrific bang, then slowly becomes a so-so tale of survival with obvious plotting and irritating characters. Not without a share of horror, but everything else is unoriginal and bland.
Crocodile (1979)
– (1979) – Ensuing a massive hurricane, a giant crocodile attacks a small river community. The moments of ridiculousness and bloody mayhem are okay, but the bulk is insatiably dull. Borrows heavily from Jaws, but can’t mimic an ounce of suspense.
Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated
– (2009) – The sounds of NOTLD are set to visual variations of modern mobile/immobile artworks. A unique idea with interpretations that range from simple computer filters to impressive artistic spins. Worth a look for the sake of curiosity, but why not just watch the original film?
Zombie Nightmare
– (1986) – A guy who’s struck down by a car is resurrected to exact revenge on his assailants. Fails to generate much interest, mainly because the lead villain is killed only two-thirds in. The slow pace doesn’t help, but some of the stupidity is amusing.
Camp Blood 2
– (2000) – A film crew intends to make a movie based on real camp murders, and bring along the only survivor, but find someone else picking them off. As far as zero-budget backyard sequels go, this isn’t the worst, but the story and character angles are missing. Has moments of brutality, but it’s too cheap and drab to consider a success.
Class of Nuke ‘Em High 3: The Good, the Bad and the Subhumanoid
– (1994) – Subhumanoid twins on opposite sides of good and evil battle for the fate of Tromaville. Piles on enough lame humor and meaningless action to congest a global fallout shelter. Never the good kind of bad.