Don’t Say Its Name
– (2021) – Something moves and kills people really fast in a snowy region of proud locals. The atmosphere is solid and the length is short, but that’s where praise ends. Half of this consists of characters giving rambling speeches about heritage and community, which only adds to the sluggish pace. Also, the killer looks just like Svengoolie, which does nothing to instill fear.
Demon Cop
– (1990) – A probation officer violently seeks a cure for whatever turned him into a beast. Thanks to slapdash editing and actors who stumble over their own words, it’s almost impossible to tell what’s going on. With more monster activity this could have gone down as one of the best/worst movies, but with so much human drama it doesn’t provide enough unintentional humor to fully entertain.
Piglet
– (2025) – A killer in a pig mask stalks a group of girls on a birthday retreat. There isn’t one second of this that stands apart from any other no-budget slasher, from stiff characters to shoddy camerawork to lazy murders. A maddening bore that tries patience, even though it only wastes 82-minutes of your precious life.
Companion
– (2025) – Sex robots aid humans in a robbery, but quickly find themselves opposed to one another. Despite some initial twists, the script never identifies what it wants to say about the future of animatronic mates. Instead, characters piss and moan about the timeworn woe-is-me plights of the modern world. There’s a high supply of violence, but the story isn’t nearly as clever as it thinks it is.
Wolf Man
– (2025) – A small family retreats to a wooded terrain where the father is bitten by, and gradually becomes, a werewolf. With so few characters there’s little to fear for, as neither of the female leads ever feel as though they’re truly in danger. The wolf itself is also weak, since these are the laziest looking creatures ever committed to the genre. Casting also misfires, considering how the mother looks old enough to be the daughter of the eventual monster. Woof, man.
Heart Eyes
– (2025) – A young woman who’s afraid of relationships is targeted by a killer who only murders couples. While this does get off to a rough start, as most every character is an insufferable windbag, this works well when eventually turning a silly, unrealistic rom-com into a silly, unrealistic bloodbath. Often funny and charming, but equally routine and lacking in any true surprises.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2016) – Survivors of a vampire outbreak contend with their enemy’s new leader. Borrows heavily from familiar horror tropes, yet does establish some of its own merit. Incredibly slow and common, although there’s not much to root for.
– (1997) – Someone’s picking off scantily dressed girls in an ice cream parlor. Barely runs an hour, but focuses more on cleavage and job tasks than on plot and characters. The horror aspects are few and redeem nothing.
– (1997) – Three kids take a magical hairball to an underwater city where giant creatures vigorously fight over them. Has a lot going on and most always holds attention, but there’s only so many scenes of monster action one can handle. Repetitious, to say the least, but still provides some impressive fun.
Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
– (1990) – A couple on a road trip to Florida encounter a cannibalistic clan in Texas. Doesn’t feature the heaviest of plots, but has plenty of tense and grotesque moments to outweigh the dramatic faults. Despite having gone through post-production hell, the end result still packs some heavy punches.
King Kong (2005)
– (2005) – A film crew on a monstrous island discovers a giant ape who prefers a blonde female. Takes forever to get to the action, then lays on a mountain of special F/X that are too overblown to compute. Badly miscast, overlong by an hour, and offers too many groans with some embarrassing activities.
Resident Evil: Degeneration
– (2008) – The virus from a depleted Racoon City crash lands in a new location with familiar results. A CG action movie with more humor than its human counterparts, but the video game dialog wears thin and it’s hard to relate to software characters. Still, there’s plenty of inventive action and the story never bores.
The Plague of the Zombies
– (1966) – A doctor investigates voodoo related incidents that cause the dead to rise. Steadily builds an involving mystery through minimal horror and witty dialog. Hard to judge since the genre took the zombie notion to more exciting heights, but even for the atmosphere alone this is commendable.
Amityville Clownhouse
– (2017) – A guy who dressed as a clown and murdered his family is the supposed result of a possessed toy monkey. Following the plot is rather difficult since it’s hard to ascertain what’s legit horror and what’s straight humor. (Envisioning this as an intended comedy is your best bet.) Tries to link itself to the original haunted house series, but for a film with “Clownhouse” in the title, with no mention of an actual clown house, this is just as bad as the other pretenders that have “Amityville” in the title.
The Toxic Avenger
– (1985) – A nerd is tricked into a vat of toxic waste and mutates into a monster superhero. Will never win awards for production or acting, but has more shock value than movies that run twice its length. A utopia of violent, low budget cheese.