– (2001) – A cop and a wildlife officer investigate murders that lead to a carnosaur creation facility. The plot is nothing new, and most every line spoken is an exercise in stupidity, but the pace is quick and the corn levels high. The monster mayhem is by far the highlight, but there’s not nearly enough of those moments.
– (2018) – A three-headed serpent is summoned to take down a dormant Godzilla. Sounds like a monster movie, but this really isn’t since Godzilla is hardly around and barely moves when he does show up. Most of this consists of verbal diarrhea from droll characters who splurt one philosophical rant after another.
– (2018) – Humans aim to destroy Godzilla to restore Earth’s environment to habitable conditions. The few monster moments are okay, but 95% of this consists of characters rambling on and on and on about what should be done instead of actually doing it. A mighty bore that even seasoned fans will yawn through.
– (2018) – Three scantily clad chicks and Santa Claus battle Krampus on Christmas Eve. While this is zany and fast moving enough to warrant a decent time, it’s not nearly funny as it wants to be. Piles on a ton of jokes and plot scenarios, but by the end is merely a serviceable comedy with unmet aspirations.
– (2018) – College students renovating a remote sorority house encounter a leprechaun who was killed nearby 25 years prior. Though some humor works, and the brushes with darkness are sometimes commendable, too much of this is silly and rather annoying. Mostly drab and unoriginal, but occasionally does something noteworthy.
– (2018) – Giant monsters invade Earth with aid from corporate scum, and it’s up to youth-controlled robots to bring them down. Exactly on par with the first film, from rancid dialog to slapdash action to the feeling that a lot of money was wasted during production. An obnoxious, empty headed children’s movie.
– (2012) – A young scientist brings his dog back to life, sparking an influx of resurrection mayhem. Has a whimsical and emotional beginning, but gradually piles on too many subplots that distract from the heart of the story. Innovative and busy, but lacks focus which ultimately harms the sentimental depths.
– (2018) – A team of female scientists and soldiers venture into a dimension nobody returns from. Has much to do about science terms and interdimensional mythology, but most of the occurrences come down to grand scale mumbo-jumbo. Offers a moment or two of tense violence, but this is mostly drab and soulless.
– (2018) – An alien with a knack for killing armed humans must also deal with eliminating his own species. Gets off to a vibrant, fast paced, and humorous start before running out of steam and becoming nonsensical and ho-hum. The story and editing are so sloppily handled it’s hard to tell what the overall purpose is.
– (1973) – The missing link runs amok while terrorizing people, going to the movies, and playing a piano. It’s clear from the first second that this never intended to be anything but a cheesy comedy, but the problem is that it’s never funny. Easy to get through thanks to a short length, but still tries patience early on.