Range 15

★☆☆☆ – (2016) – A group of soldiers take on the zombie armageddon with much glee and cursing. This is one of those occasions where if you don’t laugh within the first five minutes, you won’t laugh at all (unless you’re high). Constantly attempts jokes amid a common horror backdrop, but aside from a chuckle or two, nothing is funny and the bro jargon gets old fast.

Schlock

★½☆☆ – (1973) – The missing link runs amok while terrorizing people, going to the movies, and playing a piano. It’s clear from the first second that this never intended to be anything but a cheesy comedy, but the problem is that it’s never funny. Easy to get through thanks to a short length, but still tries patience early on.

The Battery

★★☆☆ – (2012) – Two baseball players try to survive a living dead outbreak in rural America. Not the worst thing to happen to the zombie genre, but far from the best since it never does anything particularly new. The few characters are engaging at first, but like the story around them, they don’t take long to not do anything special.

Witching and Bitching

★★★☆ – (2013) – Jewelry store robbers, one of their young sons, and a cab driver end up the targets of witches who plan mankind’s fall. Begins as a humorous heist film with no traces of horror, but waiting for the witch scenario to take flight is worth the effort. Eventually does whatever it wants to do to provide shocks and humor, and ultimately stands out as a mark of pure lunacy.

Cheap Thrills

★★★½ – (2013) – Two former friends in turmoil reunite at a bar and come in contact with someone who offers them money to perform violent acts. Enjoyable from humorous start to brutal finish, and packs in a ton of twists along the way. There’s never a dull moment, and plenty of cringe-worthy and laugh-out-loud moments.

Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins

★½☆☆ – (2009) – A group of teens and a talking dog try to solve a ghostly problem in their high school. Good for a chuckle or two if your child-self is watching, but to the adult-self this is pure misery. The jokes grow old fast, the story is hard to invest in, and the characters barely resemble the cartoon cast or even the actors from the first two live action films.