The Mummy Returns

★★☆☆ – (2001) – A married librarian and soldier track down their kidnapped son who’s carrying a map to the Scorpion King. The plot is somewhat heavier than the original, but for every moment that builds characters there are ten more that pile on impersonal computer FX. Has equal traces of boredom and entertainment.

The Mummy (1999)

★★☆☆ – (1999) – A librarian finds a soldier to escort her to Egyptian lands where a mummy’s curse is reawakened. Loaded with sand FX and thin action that mean nothing when involving the childish characters. Some horror aspects are enjoyable, but they’re buried within an adventure that’s for more Indiana Jones than terror flick.

Dawn of the Mummy

★★☆☆ – (1981) – A mummy and his zombie army terrorize treasure hunters and a group of models. Not any different than other terrible Italian zombie flicks, but just when reaching the point of sheer boredom the ending becomes gory and rather exciting.

Tale of the Mummy

★☆☆☆ – (1998) – Archaeologists who unleash an ancient curse are attacked by mummy wrappings. The only thing lamer than watching people get victimized by cloth is when the mummy manifests into rubber. Features awful CGI, provides zero involvement, and is boring beyond comprehension.

Bubba Ho-tep

★★★★ – (2002) – Men who believe they’re Elvis Presley and JFK battle a soul stealing mummy in their rest home. A perfectly subtle tone and great acting make every over-the-top absurdity believable. A funny, exciting, and ultimately moving masterpiece that touches on the meaning of life: you’re not dead until you give up living.