Popeye: The Slayer Man
– (2025) – A group of friends investigating an old spinach factory encounter a legendary sailor who has an affinity for killing. A pretty lousy experience that skirts by on two things: 1. The acting isn’t half bad. 2. Some plot points are so ridiculous you can’t help but laugh. The violence is also okay, but the pacing is far too drab to rise above any other cheapie of this sort.
After School Massacre
– (2014) – A teacher who’s fired for talking to a student outside school embarks on a killing spree. The look is awful and the gore is pathetic, but some of the actresses are naturally bratty and as such pretty funny. Not the worst way to kill 74-minutes, but half a star was subtracted for the godawful rap song that plays during the closing credits.
Demonic Toys: Jack Attack
– (2023) – A clown and a jack-in-the-box make trouble for a few orphanage patrons. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, as the plot isn’t exactly air tight, but there are worse ways to kill an hour. The acting is decent, the pace is quick, and the violence is (mostly) supplied with practical F/X. Good, but far from great.
Baby Oopsie 3: Burn Baby Burn
– (2022) – A doll maker contends with a possessed friend and murderous toys while a priest is attempting to aid her. Picks up where the previous entry unwisely left off, and though there’s no proper reason as why this film was split, this one at least has more action, as mayhem does kick into high gear from the second half on. Short and meaningless, but somewhat fun.
Baby Oopsie 2: Murder Dolls
– (2022) – A troubled woman is coerced into creating two companions for her murderous doll. What’s here is decent as far as low budget cheese is concerned, but it’s merely a talky start to a conclusion that will be wrapped up in the next entry. Much like the plot, the plan to turn one movie into two makes zero sense, as this entry only provides the nagging feeling that the best will be saved for last.
Celia
– (1989) – A young girl who’s dealing with the loss of her grandmother also contends with a neighborhood that struggles with communists. Has more to do with a ban on rabbits than anything dealing with horror, but beneath the surface of the drama is a mildly unsettling tale of paranoia. Not exactly a brisk watch, but the wonderful lead actress does command attention throughout.
– (2000) – Angels of good and evil battle over a future god. Sluggish, even during scenes with a pulse, but doesn’t last long. Never amounts to anything significant, and doesn’t seem to try.
– (1983) – Aliens disguised as humans politely invade Earth and turn everyone against the ultimate enemy: scientists. The religious analogies are a but overmuch, especially when the whole alien purpose is to collect humans for food. Overlong and with cheap visual FX, but not everything is as bothersome.
– (1975) – A host of a children’s TV show goes on a killing spree against abusive parents. Not much redeems the overall blandness as the kills are weak and the killer acts like an idiot. The only thing uglier than the style is the cast.
Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud
– (2007) – The squash demon is called upon to settle a ridiculous family feud. Gets off to a terrible start, then suddenly and somehow becomes involving. Not awful, but has too many low points to consider more than fun crap.
Jaws: The Revenge
– (1987) – A great white travels around the globe to settle a score with the Brody family. Top to bottom foolishness that manages to amuse through incapable acting, a comically fake shark, and a pathetic attempt to link itself to the original. Awful, but too stupid to hold a grudge against.
The Return of the Living Dead
– (1984) – Toxins from a government issued canister cause the dead to rise. Some of the acting is blatantly over the top, but adds to the persistently quirky tone. Fast moving and gory fun with a great striptease and a ludicrously shocking finale.
Black Demons
– (1991) – Some guy records a voodoo ritual that awakens six zombie slaves. The horror can’t compensate for the rotten dialog and acting, since there are only two decent kills throughout. A boring failure that ruins what could have been an intriguing venture.
Clowntergeist
– (2017) – A girl who’s afraid of clowns is haunted by the ghostly form of one. Hard to condemn since it tries to have commendable characters and horrific moments, yet the payoff is lost to confusion in the skittish plot. Rather stupid and annoying, and the villain isn’t exactly menacing.
Bugged
– (1997) – Exterminators attempt to eradicate larger than usual insects. Cheap to the point where many cinematic liberties are cut, especially in regards to F/X and a climactic explosion. Still, what occurs is often funny, fast moving, and inventive.