Camp Blood: Clown Shark
– (2024) – The severed head of a killer clown conjoins with a fish in a lake and becomes a murderous shark. There’s sort of a story involving the girl who killed that clown and the town that’s grateful for his demise, but that’s the only progression provided. Almost has a great homage to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre III trailer, but the overall cheapness sours that aspect as well.
He Sees You When You’re Sleeping
– (2024) – A kid who once saw Santa butcher his family is later tricked by his relatives to garner his inheritance, but nothing goes according to their plans. This looks professional, and the drama isn’t the worst, but only one character isn’t an unbearable louse, and she’s just a supporting role. Also suffers from tonal shifts, as the family plights and the slasher plot don’t perfectly gel. Means well, but misfires.
Krampus: The Return
– (2022) – A young woman who recently lost her brother to alleged suicide travels with her friends to the terrain of a monstrous killer. Moves slower than a loaded dump truck sliding uphill, but somewhere along the line we’re met with some decent acting, good-enough drama, and a nifty creature design. The murders aren’t very rewarding, and the conclusion isn’t very fulfilling, but there’s much worse in the Christmas/horror subgenre. (A.K.A. Return of Krampus.)
Santastein
– (2023) – Santa, who’s accidentally killed by a child on Christmas, is resurrected with an affinity to kill. A tongue-in-cheek slasher that focuses more on comedy than terror, but as such results in a goofy good time. The pace is brisk, the characters are distinctive, and the preposterous plot never overstays its welcome.
Down the Chimney with a Shotgun
– (2022) – Anthology of five stories that focus on a vengeful scarecrow, noise insanity, a psychic doll, a baking witch, and a wraparound involving Krampus. There’s really no point or ironic lesson to any of these stories, as they simply present ideas that are easy to shoot with a small cast. Short, but somehow unbelievably long.
Hell on the Shelf
– (2021) – A paranormal team investigates the spirit of a dead boy who moves a doll around. Repeats the same patterns so often most every scene becomes predictable: ghost is asked a question, ghost replies with one word, humans reiterate that word. Even when the repetition ends there’s not much here to praise, aside from an okay third act twist.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2012) – Prehistoric piranha attack patrons at a sleazy water park. The horror scenes are badly staged and there’s an overall lack of focus, but much of the comedy works well. A cinematic joke (that runs only 70-minutes minus credits) that has plenty of stunning amusements.
– (1983) – A giant snake that has ruined lives both physically and emotionally is on the prowl. The B-move serpent mayhem is okay, but the drama is a bit too serious and the psychic angle fails to convince. A short length and quick pace help.
– (1970) – A book of spells awakens monstrous trouble for couples on a picnic outing. Best when serving up banter between characters and showcasing awkward F/X, but there’s no weight to the abundant drama. Fun as an ambitious curiosity.
Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud
– (2007) – The squash demon is called upon to settle a ridiculous family feud. Gets off to a terrible start, then suddenly and somehow becomes involving. Not awful, but has too many low points to consider more than fun crap.
Black Sheep
– (2006) – Sheep infected with a biological disease attack, devour and mutate humans. The killer sheep almost make for a decent time, but the weresheep do nothing but reiterate a familiar legend. Not without mild amounts of humor and fun, but falls flat overall.
Resident Evil: Retribution
– (2012) – Men and women with high tech weapons battle the creations of a high tech facility. Stages one action scene after another, without ever worrying about a little thing called plot. Occasionally nifty, but mostly empty.
The Plague of the Zombies
– (1966) – A doctor investigates voodoo related incidents that cause the dead to rise. Steadily builds an involving mystery through minimal horror and witty dialog. Hard to judge since the genre took the zombie notion to more exciting heights, but even for the atmosphere alone this is commendable.
It: Chapter Two
– (2019) – A group of friends reunite 27 years after battling an evil force that feeds on fears. Does a good job showcasing an assortment of unique F/X sequences, but the human element is too shallow. The kids have become types, and by focusing too much on their past the reasons to save their hometown in the present is lost. Entirely too long, and could have used less false scares against characters we already know survive their childhoods.
The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie
– (1989) – Toxie takes a job with an evil corporation to earn money for his blind girlfriend. Lacks the punch of part one and the charm of part two, but isn’t without its own uniqueness and grotesqueries. Muddled and wearisome, but worth the time.