Knock at the Cabin
– (2023) – Four people quietly invade a vacationing couple and their adopted child over a matter of life-altering sacrifices. A muddled and unemotional experience that takes too long to get going without ever finding an impactful point. Constructed in such a way that figuring out what’s actually happening is worth anticipating, but the ultimate reveal is a silly letdown.
Subspecies V: Blood Rise
– (2023) – A crusader once torn from his dark heritage realizes his role as a bloodsucker while in search of a sacred stone. Though the story is muddled and blood kept in low supply, this has great looking atmosphere and a wonderfully creepy antagonist. Doesn’t actually end, but leaves the door open another gloomy entry, which is fine as long as Anders Hove is still involved. A treat for fans of the series.
Munchies
– (1987) – Small creatures that can multiply wreak havoc on a small town and its quirky inhabitants. There’s barely a plot and little-to-no character progression, but what more could be expected from a Gremlins inspired cash grab? Despite its many flaws, there is a lot of activity and no scene lingers long enough to bore.
Pillow Party Massacre
– (2023) – A group of friends who once participated in a prank gone wrong gather for a retreat where they’re picked off by an unknown assailant. Follows the basic pattern of an ordinary slasher, from obvious red herrings to stock characters, and even manages some cheap CGI along the way. Pretty much stinks in that it’s so bland, but it is relatively well made.
Slashlorette Party
– (2022) – A group of men and women vacate to a cabin for a pre-marital celebration and are picked off by obvious sources. Pretty bad out of the gate, and only worsens the more each character speaks. It’s short, but checking to see how much time is left is more fun than the movie itself, though some of the gore is ambitious.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2005) – Students researching water stumble upon a genetically enhanced fish monster. Showcases a variety of fast moving garbage, but is neither involving nor funny. Low budget nonsense that lacks enjoyment.
– (2008) – A man in glasses tries to steal a crest ring from vampires in bad wigs. A pathetic concoction of pointless farting, pitiful gore, and plentiful cameltoes. Hasn’t a plot to speak of, while the cheap locations suggest a two-day shoot.
– (1977) – A priest made to validate past exorcisms reawakens the demon that once possessed a recovering Regan. Credible for not duplicating the original, but too awkward and muddled to praise. A sour experience that fails to make much sense. Notoriously bad with good cause.
Girls with Balls
– (2018) – A female volleyball team becomes hunted by masked hicks in a wooded terrain. A horror/comedy that fails miserably in both categories because nothing’s funny nor remotely suspenseful. Aims for zany camp, but is too blisteringly stupid to come up with a single moment worth retaining.
Killer Crocodile 2
– (1990) – A crocodile hatched from a radioactive egg spells trouble for many jungle inhabitants. Has all the signs of a lame sequel, from flashbacks to duplicated footage, but manages to provide some grisly fun throughout. The music still rips off Jaws, and nothing rises above stupid, but diversions are provided among the doldrums.
Severed
– (2005) – An experimental sap infects humans and turns them against lumberjacks and tree huggers. Not completely awful when the horror is presented, but the nonsense between characters is trite. Stark atmosphere is wasted on a schlock script.
Shrunken Heads
– (1994) – Three murdered teens have their heads shrunken by a local voodoo priest and seek revenge on the gang that killed them. Calling this weird would be an understatement. Calling this good would be a lie. Goofy, but so absurd and morbid that it’s hard to look away from, despite lame villains and a horrendous love story.
Camp Blood 3 (aka Within the Woods)
– (2005) – A reality show is filmed on the grounds where the previous entries took place and, sure enough, someone in a clown mask is picking everyone off. Attempts something unique (for the time), but still succumbs to the same low-budget trappings that destroys its independent credibility. A humorless, goreless, careless waste of time.
Pigs
– (1972) – A troubled woman hides out at a farm where the farmer feeds dead humans to pigs. There are certainly pigs afoot, but they don’t exactly do much. Too much time is spent between boring characters who have nothing of interest to say. A lifeless drama.