Poor Things
– (2023) – A woman with a child’s brain tries to come to terms with her own body before coming to terms with the world at large. A humorous and well-written fantasy about rare second chances at life and how mankind always veers toward personal domination. The atmosphere is as unique as the plot, and never feels artsy on purpose. Instead, this is a superior looking film to coincide with superior human performances.
Night Swim
– (2024) – An injured baseball player moves his family into a house whose pool harbors an evil secret. It’s hard to say which is worse, the morose characters, the languid attempts at horror, or the by-the-books investigation into a weak mystery. An insanely dull and humorless venture that pits a force we know nothing about against characters we care nothing about.
Undying Love
– (1991) – A suicidal misanthrope hooks up with a vampire who grants him eternal life. If you’ve seen any other vampire movie you’ll know what to expect from this one. Does absolutely nothing new, but does it rather competently despite the meager budget. Takes itself a bit too seriously, but some unintended humor and a quick pace help cast aside some of the negatives.
Shock-O-Rama
– (2005) – Anthology of three stories that focus on a junkyard alien, a bathtub zombie, and a giant brain that explores dreams. While the final tale tends to drag, the first two are chock full o’ stuff great B-movies are made of; notably the high abundance of nudity and cheese. The first two stories are zany, fast moving, and surprisingly funny. In all, an imperfectly fun time.
The Unknown
– (1927) – A man who fakes not having arms goes great lengths to win over a woman who’s in love with someone else. By and large a love triangle/drama that only veers toward horror in the final half. Takes some sadistic turns, but wimps out in the end by not going far enough with the antagonist’s plan. Having a happy conclusion is fine, but this story begs for a bleaker outcome.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1987) – Some schmuck who survives a suicide attempt recovers with a deja-vu mission and supernatural powers. Nearly competent, but too muddled and outlandish for its own good. A little more wit and a shorter length would have helped.
– (2013) – Radioactive tacos mutate Tromaville students into singing, murdering annoyances. Feels like zaniness for the sake of zaniness, and never forms a significant social point. One or two characters are worth investing time in, but there’s little camaraderie among friends or foes. A rare Lloyd letdown.
– (2010) – A legendary porn actor signs up for a movie he knows nothing of, which quickly becomes a dangerous mistake. Takes sex and violence to new levels of depravity by showcasing one demented act after another. Hard to take seriously since it’s so deliberately deranged, but has what is perhaps the most brutal conclusion in cinematic history.
Blood Salvage
– (1990) – A family is abducted by hillbillies who kill humans for their parts. Has shades of better movies, but never does anything to stand out as a singular creation. Moves too slow to hold interest, and barely covers any ground.
Sharktopus
– (2010) – A former soldier is hired to bring in a genetically altered shark/octopus alive, but all the thing wants to do is kill people. Nothing unlike the dozens of other mutant-animal-attack movies, but does begin with a sense of fun at the expense of stupidity. Slows an hour in and becomes repetitive, but does have some dopey highlights.
Trailer Park of Terror
– (2008) – Troubled teens on a religious retreat become stranded in a trailer park where dead inhabitants dwell. Has some good ideas, but most of their executions are sloppy and awkward. The horror elements help maintain interest within all the familiar aspects.
Shock ‘Em Dead
– (1991) – A waste of life sells his soul to become the world’s biggest rock star, but has to become a band member to get started? Doesn’t make sense, but moves at a steady pace, has Traci Lords, and offers some okay ideas. Equally bad and amusing.
Clown
– (2014) – A man dons a clown costume he can’t remove, only to discover he’s wearing demon skin. Has a few innovative moments and spots of dark humor, but drags its feet when it needs to pick up the pace. Ruins its own creativity with too many implausible and predictable moments.
Dance or Die
– (1987) – A recovering drug addict is pursued by criminals between scenes of awful dancing. Appears a mix of two separate films, as the dancing and crime plots have nothing in common. The best parts involve sex and gunshot wounds, but everything else is too muddy to make sense of.