Immaculate
– (2024) – An American nun who’s new to an Italian convent becomes pregnant under mysterious circumstances. While the concept and location hold promise, the execution falls flat because nothing feels authentic. The acting, especially the lead, is by the numbers and humdrum, while any attempted shocks come across as overwrought and purposeless. Not long, thank God, but crawls even during its fastest moments.
Lisa Frankenstein
– (2024) – A quirky high school outcast inadvertently lures a dead man from his grave, which leads to matters of quirky deaths. This is a tale of two halves. Half the plot is intriguing, while the other half is full of cliches. Half the jokes are truly funny, while the other half are pretty lame. All told, though, this is a fun, fast moving, and easy watch.
Meth Gator
– (2023) – An alligator goes on the attack after eating a supply of meth. The title and concept might suggest a cheesy good time, but one aspect kills the entire experience: it’s flat out boring. You’ve seen these characters before, you’ve seen this plot before, you’ve seen the shoddy CGI before. Bad, but not in a fun way.
Strange Darling
– (2023) – A serial killer gets more than they bargained for after assaulting a victim who doesn’t want to be victimized. The greatest aspect is how expectations are manipulated, as quite a few surprises are offered throughout. Unfortunately, some truly awful decisions are made from a logical standpoint, but this is still an innovative watch despite the few missteps.
Crackcoon
– (2024) – A raccoon goes ballistic after eating rancid crack. There’s not much to discuss regarding a narrative story, as the sole purpose is for the critter to kill as many pathetic characters as possible. As a sleazy bloodbath this is pretty decent, but you’ll want to plug your ears whenever someone speaks.
Amityville: Where the Echo Lives
– (2024) – A young woman who lost her father investigates his death through psychics. Has nothing to do with Amityville, and even less to do with horror. The overabundance of surreal imagery (green screen nonsense) only renders this an art house flop or a failed film school product. The lead actress is game, but the pace is so slow the movie sometimes feels as though it’s moving backwards.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (2002) – A small band of mystery hunters reunite at a “haunted” amusement park. A few moments of humor work, and energy is always high, but the plot steadily becomes more convoluted than necessary. Features a ton of F/X sequences, but not enough joy.
– (1983) – A tabloid writer and his daughter move into an infamous haunted house. Not a lot happens, especially concerning the 3-D, and the plot never develops a single unique idea or character. Mainly focuses on the haunts, but can’t come up with anything remotely suspenseful.
– (1961) – A disabled woman insists she’s seeing her father’s ghost, but nobody believes her. The lead actress does all she can to make the story believable, but the story is too thin to fully involve. Makes less sense when overly explaining itself.
Shark Night
– (2011) – College friends vacationing at a lake are terrorized by hillbillies and man eating sharks. Works best during the goofy B-movie moments, but anything serious is impossible to care about. Steadily worsens, and has lousy villain motives, but maintains a moderate level of enjoyment.
Birdemic 3: Sea Eagle
– (2022) – A marine biologist and a human cell scientist become closer acquaintances before they’re besieged by angry birds. Every line of dialog either preaches about global warming or waxes poetic about Hitchcock’s Vertigo, while the winged activity is much lesser this time around (the birds first arrive 57-minutes in). Still amusing in a so-awful-it’s-good way, but also drags more than the previous entries.
Phantasm: Oblivion
– (1998) – Reggie hunts for Mike again, while Mike questions his fate as the new Tall Man. Moves slow and asks more questions than it answers, but when something does happen, more often than not it’s worthwhile. Meshing old footage is a neat gimmick, but only leads to more confusion.
Gothic Harvest
– (2019) – A girl is abducted by an affluent family that has ties to a voodoo curse. Pretty pitiful out of the gate, and worsens the more the story is explained. There’s simply too much corn in every character and plot point, and far too many close-ups of irritating actors.
Scary Movie 2
– (2001) – Students and their perverted professor spend a night in a haunted house. A complete rush-job, as there’s virtually no narrative during the 75-minutes of varying gags. Moves fast, however, and provides quite a few scattered laughs throughout.
Meat Weed Madness
– (2006) – A group of girls smoke weed laced with human meat, take their clothes off, and are harassed by cheap monsters. Takes zaniness to new levels of nothingness, and can never be classified as a narrative film. The nudity is impressive, but most everything else is rotten.