Bad Ronald
– (1974) – A young man who accidentally kills a girl hides in the secret room of his house, even after his mother dies and new owners move in. Has a wonderful concept the script isn’t able to live up to. It’s incredibly short, so there’s little set-up to the main character, and he never does enough to warrant any rising suspense. It’s thoroughly watchable, but thoroughly empty.
Amityville Turkey Day
– (2024) – A film crew making a movie about a cannibal from Amityville are picked off by a talking turkey. An ugly looking and pitifully acted no-budget pile of slop whose best moments ripoff ThanksKilling. The only reason to see this through to the end is to witness blatant plagiarism taking effect. The rest isn’t even uniquely bad, it’s just bad.
The Substance
– (2024) – An aging aerobics star injects herself with a serum that causes a younger version of herself to morph from her body. As nuts as the premise sounds, every ensuing event only ups the ante as far as deranged progressions are concerned. While there’s little emotional investment in the characters, the whole scenario reeks of the desperation one faces when youth slips away. Ranges from profoundly nauseating to ridiculously over the top, but is always a bombastic sight to behold.
Vamp U
– (2011) – A student falls for her professor, who happens to be a vampire who’s been fang-impotent since killing his love. Starts off kind of rough since it doesn’t appear to be heading anywhere noteworthy, but somewhere alone the line you just might find yourself emersed. Characters are vibrant, actors are above average and, most importantly, the humor is actually pretty funny.
The Mouse Trap
– (2024) – A bunch of friends and enemies are picked off by someone who’s possessed by Steamboat Willie. Though the whole film is constructed on the expiration of a copyright, it has a surprisingly watchable first half. The filmmaking is decent, characters have personalities, and the acting is above average. However, the killer’s identity is dull, his murders are repetitive, and the pace increasingly slows before the film just ends without warning.
The Little Vampire
– (2000) – An American kid who’s new to Scotland manages to find a singular friend in a 300-year-old vampire. Begins as a standard new-kid-is-bullied yarn, and while always remaining formulaic does branch out when exploring an undead family. Feels endless in the third act, but does wind down on a touching note.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1983) – A man with the personality of a slug investigates his brush with aliens. So slow and lifeless that the rise of events, straight through to the happy ending, mean nothing. Starts in the ’50s, ends in the ’80s, stinks in all decades.
– (2018) – A dance school student participates for an academy run by witches. Follows the basic premise of the original, but the events are completely different and somehow even freakier. Characters aren’t a strong point, but this succeeds admirably in creating unique scenarios while uncomfortably spilling some blood and puke along the way.
– (1988) – A destitute gang leader quits to spend time with his girl, until rivals obliterate his good intentions. An uncomfortable trip through dysfunction that’s highlighted by violence of the most extreme order. The somewhat familiar topic is brought to near perfection with atmosphere so gritty you can almost smell the blood and puke.
You Can’t Kill Stephen King
– (2012) – A group of friends drive to Maine to see Stephen King’s house, and are picked off by someone who requires silence. Moves fast and has a lot going on, but nothing unique ever occurs despite the clever title. Somewhat fun, but has too many moments worth groaning over, especially the ones dealing with racial stereotypes.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey
– (2023) – Five years after they’re abandoned by Christopher Robin, Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet embark on a killing spree. Doesn’t have a single trace of plot progression or character development, since its only agenda is focused on sadistic violence. Works well as a bloodbath, and does manage some creepy vibes, but everything in between is more than a little hollow.
Curse of the Screaming Dead
– (1982) – Friends camping near a Confederate graveyard fall under attack from lousily dressed zombies. The acting’s bad, the FX are bad, the plotting’s bad, the setting’s bad, the drama’s bad, the horror’s bad… which almost amounts to a good time. Almost.
Hoodoo for Voodoo
– (2006) – A group of friends travel to New Orleans where they fall victim to murderous possessions. Has a few inventive kills and moves relatively fast, but the humor is pitiful and the production too murky. Aims to please, but hits too many lame marks.
Ghosthouse
– (1988) – A radio and computer “expert” investigates a distress call coming from a house where people died 20 years earlier. Some of the atmosphere is strong, and the rare occurrences of gore are highly commendable. The awkward acting and cheesy dialog, however, nearly ruin all positive achievements.
Igor and the Lunatics
– (1985) – A Manson-esque clan wreak havoc on locals. Hard to make sense of due to a lack of character and plot motivations. There’s no gore, no cheap laughs and no overall purpose.