The Last Thanksgiving
– (2020) – A group of cannibals terrorize those who don’t appreciate Thanksgiving. Pretty rotten right out of the gate, as this immediately focuses on characters you wouldn’t want to spend any time with, let alone a holiday. Kills are few and the atmosphere is too airy, rendering this a lame drama with corny horror inclusions.
Moon of the Wolf
– (1972) – Someone or something killed a pregnant woman in a small town, and locals are eager to find the culprit. Though there’s barely any horror, and the wolf is rather paltry when it does arrive, the character camaraderie, however typical, is easy to enjoy. Doesn’t run long, so this never bores, but the drama does begin to stale by the end.
Alice in Terrorland
– (2023) – A young woman is told stories from Alice in Wonderland that she repeatedly dreams about. There isn’t a single moment in this that warrants its own existence. It’s basically two similar scenes shown in a repetitive loop that never form a single plot point. It’s graciously short, but still feels endless thanks to an impossibly languid pace.
Terrifier 3
– (2024) – Art the Clown is out and about killing people at Christmastime. That’s pretty much it. There’s something of a story involving the previous film’s survivor living with an overly cutesy family, but they only serve to bore us until the kills arrive. Granted, the gore F/X are nifty, but by now have become repetitive, even though they account for maybe 20% of the elongated length. Brutal at times, but tries patience.
Little Bites
– (2024) – A woman allows herself to be eaten by a demon as a means to protect her daughter. The premise is unique, but unique doesn’t necessarily equate high quality when the bulk of the output is so drab. The pace is too slow, the character plights are ordinary, the acting is hit and miss, and there’s absolutely zero suspense throughout.
Deer Camp ’86
– (2022) – A group of friends go hiking in a terrain where they’re picked off my a mysterious figure. Looks and sounds nothing like 1986, so I’m not sure what that’s all about, but as far as narrative films are concerned, this is about as average as a movie can get. The plot is ordinary, characters are either annoying or common, while the horror inclusions are incredibly dry. Never outright bad, but never really involving.
your a-z guide to obscure & classic horror movies
– (1977) – A self-thinking computer traps a woman in her house with the intention of impregnating her. Aside from the preposterous amount of time that passes without anyone knowing what’s going on, this is one messed up and creepy movie. Moves too fast and is too trippy to get bogged down by some silliness.
– (2006) – Soldiers and doctors oversee experiments on men who can eventually see ghosts while experiencing violent rages. The horror makes no sense, the drama is too heavy handed, and the point is immediately lost. Takes corn to new levels of disgrace.
– (1987) – An author vacates to a windy portion of Greece where she’s stalked by an non-intimidating lunatic. Generates some claustrophobia via atmosphere, but none of the characters elicit an ounce of care. A noisy and stagnant bore.
SexSquatch
– (2013) – A group of friends decide to party in the realm of a raping, murdering yeti. Purposefully cheap and cheesy, and never pretends it’ll end up in the annals of credible filmmaking. Provides plenty of fun with some truly funny lines and sight gags. Not for everyone, but only runs 58-minutes.
Jaws
– (1975) – A shark terrorizes a beach community that thrives on summer business. A solid outing held steady by great characters and an overall sense of danger. The shark moments range from creepy to cheesy, but more often than not create necessary tension.
Breakdown Lane
– (2017) – A woman with car issues becomes stranded in a vacant area where the living dead outnumber the living. While this does attempt a variety of action and horror scenes, they’re so badly constructed it’s often hard to tell what the overall point is. Whitney Moore is easy on the eyes, but the rest of this is rather repugnant.
From Beyond the Grave
– (1973) – Anthology of four stories that focus on a haunted mirror, a voodoo woman, a shoulder phantom and a mysterious door. Provides some amusement and creepy atmosphere, but loses too many bouts with sluggishness and silliness.
Carnival of Souls (1998)
– (1998) – Ensuing a watery car accident, a woman has premonitions of an abusive clown… who’s dead. Tries hard to come off as weird, and certainly is, but nothing straight nor uneven has any meaning or depth. Raises curiosity, but the results are always lame.
Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy
– (1990) – Lingerie clad nurses, servants of Nazi bosses, entice and kill men. Seems as though an indecipherable piece of garbage was toyed with in the voice over department to make sense of nothing. A punishment that lacks a single commendable moment.