Final Destination: Bloodlines
– (2025) – A family that should never have existed is picked off by death itself after their matriarch is killed. Does everything you’d expect from this series, from creative deaths to expository dialog, but does so in a rather upbeat way. This could be the funniest entry, as it rarely takes itself too seriously while piling on one ridiculous kill after another (usually involving sudden head trauma).
Girl House
– (2014) – A young woman moves into a manor where girls are willingly filmed (and sometimes killed) around the clock. Begins with the promise of plentiful smut and gore, but each aspect is mostly held in check throughout. Even though suspense is also lacking, this is a wholly watchable film with solid production values and better-than-average acting.
Street Trash (2024)
– (2024) – A few homeless people aim to stop a corporation from killing off bums with an experimental drink. While the practical F/X are nice and disgusting, they all involve characters who never amount to much, whether on the side of good or evil. There’s an awful lot of screaming throughout, leading to an obnoxious experience that all the goo in the world can’t save.
Daddy’s Head
– (2024) – A boy who loses his father to a sudden accident experiences a rash of unusual hauntings. On one hand this a good-looking movie with above-average atmosphere and competent acting. On the other hand, the pace is so slow you might find yourself eyeing your remote’s fast forward button. Does provide a creepy moment or two, but after a while I was more concerned that it ended rather than how.
Matinee (1989)
– (1989) – Two years after someone is killed in a movie theater, citizens of a small rural town are picked off by an unknown assailant. While professionally made and packed with distinct characters, the story is so dull that it’s hard to want to sort out who the killer is when you’re so enticed to sleep. The fast-moving opening scene is by far the highlight, but what follows is nearly catatonic.
Easter Sunday
– (2014) – The soul of a deceased killer possesses someone who murders in order to become immortal. The bad horror elements are one thing, as this doesn’t do anything outside the norm of similarly lame movies, but what absolutely destroys the experience is any attempt at comedy. Folks, this movie is not funny. The killer’s one liners, the poorly-delivered dialog, and the mannerisms of the lead actor never fail to irritate. Just plain awful.
– (2007) – Ensuing acts that leave her deformed, a brutalized girl believes she’s her own twin sister. A muddled distaster that turns anything remotely serious into comedic gold. Lindsay Lohan notwithstanding, this is an awkward, confusing, and directionless wreck that somehow manages to amuse.
– (1981) – Astronauts continuously fight with each other over an extraterrestrial presence on thier ship. Dull from the first frame and lousy in every filmmaking aspect. Only the short length can compensate for its blatant attempt to rip-off Alien.
– (1998) – A murderer plays vicious games with the writer who threatens to turn him in. Seems to go out of its way to ignore logic, believability, and realism. Profoundly stupid, and barely entertaining as such.
Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead
– (2009) – Fugitives try to escape the woods where a deranged hillbilly is stalking them. The premise is little more than an excuse to have macho men posture at one another, which gets tiring in a hurry. Some of the kills are worthwhile, although most are CGI. Not a complete disaster, but comes close.
Night Creature
– (1978) – A man who’s isolated on an island to hunt a black cat gets an unexpected visit from his family. Annoying characters and an overblown metaphor ruin what the pace couldn’t kill. Dreadfully dull.
Demon Slaughter
– (2008) – Some sort of gangster takes on some sort of zombies while some sort of demon breathes down his neck. A sloppy concoction of scenes where bullets are constantly fired at humans or the undead. Somehow escaped from the bottom of cinema’s barrel.
Shrunken Heads
– (1994) – Three murdered teens have their heads shrunken by a local voodoo priest and seek revenge on the gang that killed them. Calling this weird would be an understatement. Calling this good would be a lie. Goofy, but so absurd and morbid that it’s hard to look away from, despite lame villains and a horrendous love story.
Secrets of the Clown
– (2007) – A group of friends fall victim to unexplained powers ensuing someone’s death. Has something to do with a soul trapped in a clown doll, but there’s so much slop going on in between it’s hard to tell what the overall purpose is. A badly conceived and horribly acted mess.
Psycho Sleepover
– (2008) – Escaped lunatics crash a slumber party of girls who aren’t ready to become victims. Takes place in the ’80s for some reason, but doesn’t serve as a throwback or homage to slashers of that era. Instead, this is a lame joke among those involved, although a few bits are kind of funny.