Scary Movie (2026)
– (2026) – Someone’s stalking the children of the main characters of the original Scary Movie. That’s basically the entire plot, since any other story intentions are lost to an assault of jokes. While there are no huge laughs, and some humor lands with a thud, there’s plenty to chuckle over throughout thanks largely to the antics of returning cast members from prior entries (this is Part 6). Feels as though it was edited with a hand mixer, as scenes come and go without cohesion, but by the end just-enough fun is had.
The Serpent’s Skin
– (2025) – A new girl in a violent town befriends a tattoo artist who becomes a demon. Mainly consists of drama among relationships, whether casual or exclusive, and doesn’t do too much as far as horror is concerned, which is fine because anything related to horror is the lesser aspect. Not the worst as far as dramas go, but still drags us through one same-old motion after another.
Arbor Day
– (1990) – A boy who once saw his parents get mauled by a bear on Arbor Day murders people when the holiday rolls around again. Though some jokes don’t work, and one character is particularly annoying, when the humor lands a lot of laughs are had. It’s cheap, it’s crude, and it’s nonsensical, but all of those factors lead to a surprisingly fun time.
Lee Cronin’s The Mummy
– (2026) – The demonic soul of a mummy is vomited into a small child, which turns her evil much to the chagrin of her family. Has some brushes with decency when piling on blood and gore, but that only accounts for a small portion of the proceedings. Most of the overlong 135-minute length is dedicated to drop dead dull dramatic progressions. Also, there’s barely a mummy, as this is basically a dry hybrid of The Exorcist and Evil Dead. All of which begs the question: who’s Lee Cronin?
Faces of Death (2026)
– (2026) – An online content moderator investigates supposed snuff videos that imitate the 1979 Faces of Death “documentary.” The premise isn’t half bad, as it intends to turn faux tragedies into real crimes, but the execution is far too bland to work. The concept simply can’t excite since it falls victim to every lame horror movie trope, notably the sluggish pace and paltry acting. Plus, the whole algorithm remake theory isn’t entirely plausible.
The Amityville Exorcist
– (2022) – Several men plead for online help from a priest they hope can salvage them from dark forces. Mainly accentuates close-ups of unsightly actors who tell stories of their plights before going haywire with drool. Zero budget slop that’s so visually unappealing you’ll beg for the plentiful Tubi ad breaks to salvage your woeful eyes. Cheap and purposeless dreck.
– (2016) – The son of a murderer and his stoner friend hide from controversy in a small town, but are uncovered and blamed for new murders. A bad experience in that very few jokes are funny, despite attempting the zany vibe of the Scary Movie franchise. Has energy, but nothing worth remembering.
– (2024) – A vampire makes life miserable for an entire community, notably a married couple, ensuing his pursuit of real estate. Despite the ballyhooed production values, there isn’t much to brag about when it comes to the script. Has plenty of instances where characters puke or have seizures, but nothing that showcases the human condition on either side of good or evil. Runs entirely too long for such a scant story, and is apt to elicit more snores than screams.
– (1993) – Someone’s decapitating doctors who have ties to a horrific accident. The lead characters don’t feel attached to the premise, and much of the plotting is erratic, but the horror is often outrageous and disturbing. Slows to a near stop toward the end, but eventually ties most points together.
Hellweek
– (2010) – Hillbillies in a warehouse kill college kids who tread on their grounds. Despicable characters, on both sides of good and bad, sink this turd before the lame story gets a chance to. Overlong garbage that bores and annoys.
Mighty Joe Young (1949)
– (1949) – A massive gorilla is unwisely put on display for human amusement. The relationship between Joe and his female owner is touching, and the reason for his freak out commendable, but the story leads to the unfortunate realm of schmaltz. Still, it’s amazing how much personality the stop motion ape elicits.
Zombie A-Hole
– (2012) – Separate parties hunt the same zombie who often has his violent way with the innocent. Scenes about nothing drag while those of interest (gore & nudity) come and go with the wind. Good title, but the real A-Hole is the one who believes this backyard effort is worth the time.
Voodoo Island
– (1957) – Constructors of a vacation spot return a zombie to the island that zombified him. The island isn’t reached until the 40-minute mark, when only minute actions finally occur. The bulk consists of drama that’s ruined by overly talkative characters.
Satan’s Storybook
– (1989) – Anthology of two stories that focus on a serial killer and a suicidal clown. The stories themselves are okay in that they strive for horror, but the overlong wraparounds spend too much time with a cheap production and pretentious demonic warbling. Has enough creepy merit to ensure one easy viewing.
Class of Nuke ‘Em High Part 2: Subhumanoid Meltdown
– (1991) – Scientists in the Troma Institute of Technology (get it?) create humans with mouths for belly buttons, for no great purpose. The intro is fast, furious and morbidly funny, but everything afterwards loses too many traces of progression. Bizarre on purpose and often worthless, but Tromie the mutant squirrel is a show stealer.