Sequel: Cruel Summer – Part II
– (2022) – Survivors of multiple murders intend to turn their trauma into a stage play to cope with their traumas, while a masked killer murders random people. An incohesive pile of gibberish that has too much going on at once while never clarifying a single event. There are hardly any deaths and a distinct lack of all-around talent. Annoying.
Cruel Summer
– (2021) – High school juniors gather for one last shot at fun, but find themselves terrorized by a masked killer and his hick family. While this does feature some cheap gore to keep eyes open, everything else is dreadfully languid. It’s not the worst film ever made, but it is on par with every other backyard slasher that pretends it’s new while ripping off a hundred ideas from better movies.
Coffintooth
– (2024) – A hillbilly family is out an about tormenting people on Halloween Eve. Has hardly any holiday atmosphere, and as such feels more akin to summer flicks along the lines of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which this consistently rips off). Far from great but, for what it’s worth, does have an abundance of cheap gore and gratuitous nudity.
Sorceress II: The Temptress
– (1997) – A witch allows women to infiltrate the dreams of men in order to steal their souls. Mainly feels like a soap opera regarding players of the cosmetic industry, and too infrequently features something that places this in the horror genre. Not even the concluding sorceress battle can save this from the the dregs, but it’s short and has one constant: breast implants.
Sorceress
– (1995) – A man has visions of the woman he killed on the night she summoned the death of a lawyer. Mainly consists of softcore smut, since the plot always takes a backseat to lusting characters. Kind of gets into horror near the end, but two victims getting bludgeoned with a sauna rock isn’t exactly enthralling. Short, but often feel endless.
Summerween
– (2026) – A killer clown escapes from a mental facility and finds his way to a party attended by a cop’s daughter. This is little more than a standard slasher that could have been slightly unique if it lived up to its criminally wasted title. What exactly is Summerween? Why is it celebrated? Why are the characters so eager to throw a great party over its existence? Nothing of the sort is explained. Instead, we’re treated to just another humdrum clown on a rampage flick.
– (2013) – A group of friends decide to party in the realm of a raping, murdering yeti. Purposefully cheap and cheesy, and never pretends it’ll end up in the annals of credible filmmaking. Provides plenty of fun with some truly funny lines and sight gags. Not for everyone, but only runs 58-minutes.
– (1996) – Vampires from space battle on Earth over the death of someone’s father. A badly written and acted stinker that feels like a rehearsal video from the world’s worst film school. The only amusement derives from watching Roger Daltry’s acting career hit a low.
– (1980) – Farmer Vincent uses human victims as the special ingredient in his smoked meats. Odd on every account, but easy to take seriously thanks to a somber tone and likeable characters. Unique and morbid with a blue-ribbon finale.
Loony in the Woods
– (2013) – A group of obnoxious degenerates vacate to the woods where they’re harassed by an obnoxious degenerate. Strives for weirdness, but never realizes that trying too hard to look odd quickly implodes. Seventy-nine wasted minutes of non-existent horror and miserable comedy.
Zombeavers
– (2014) – A trio of females, and their unexpected male companions, fight for their lives against toxic beavers. As stupid as a movie can get, but has the good sense to not pretend to have a single mark of wit. Features highly amusing scenes of gore and nudity that help fuel the overall sense of joy.
Cemetery of Terror
– (1985) – A wandering corpse who kills with his bare hands stalks the innocent on Halloween night. A disjointed mess with three concurrent plots: police hunting the stiff; teens partying in an abandoned house; kids trick-or-treating. All segments eventually come together, but never in an entirely meaningful way. Plot aside, the gore is okay, the scenery is stark, and the abundance of cheese is high.
Voodoo Dawn
– (1990) – Two guys on a weekend away from Manhattan end up trapped in a locale of black magic. A scene or two of voodoo horror remind of what could have been, since most of the plot is dull and lacks worthy elements. Short, but hollow.
Terrifier 2
– (2022) – Art the Clown is out and about killing people around Halloween. That’s pretty much it. There’s something of a story regarding a small family, but it’s just flimsy glue to hold the gore scenes together. A 138-minute excursion that’s billed as a wall-to-wall splatterfest, but most of this is padded with never ending scenes of ordinary characters going through ordinary motions.
Toxic Crusaders: The Movie
– (1991) – Toxie and his mutant crusaders protect Tromaville from a villain who wants to pollute everyone and everything. Feels more like three cartoon episodes strung together. The self aware humor works, but all else is pretty cruddy.