Shocktopus
– (2026) – An electrified octopus from outer space lands on Earth, prompting attention from locals and government agents. The title and premise might earn a chuckle, but the results certainly don’t. While there is some ridiculous monster activity here and there, most of the 70-minute length is spent on dull, meandering characters. Might look fun, but quickly becomes a torturous trial of patience.
When Evil Lurks
– (2023) – A man who’s infected with evil is taken to a further location where, as expected, his evil spreads. From decent outset to tiring conclusion, this is consistently fueled by an entirely implausible plot that could have been averted if a character at the mid-point was summoned to cure evil at the start. Almost every step the characters take is blatantly wrong, as they all break rules they know shouldn’t be broken. Some of the horror aesthetics are pleasing, but the whole scheme is a mishmash of annoyances and dopiness.
Soulm8te
– (2026) – An A.I. companion (i.e. sex robot) almost immediately starts to take control of her surroundings, and rather violently. The plot and characters are remarkably underdeveloped, but the only remedy would be to bloat the length, yet any time spent with these dullards would have made the film unbearable. As is, this is still a colossal bore with no one to root for or against. There’s also no suspense or feelings of danger. What we’re left with is basically M3GAN meets Species meets excrement.
Lookout Weekend: Cruel Summer IV
– (2025) – The cast and crew of previous Cruel Summer films find themselves the target of a killer, and boy do they like to argue about it. Attempts to take us behind the scenes of filmmaking, but never feels authentic since this “real” crap only represents fictional crap. The plot is somewhat more ambitious than the prior entries, but the cast continues to falter from their overabundance of cursing rather than emitting authentic human responses to obtainable situations.
Cruel Summer III: Pray for Fall
– (2024) – Survivors of the previous two duds cope with their horrid pasts as their troubles persist. An excruciating experience that worsens by the second thanks to piss poor writing and a cast that stumbles over most every line. It doesn’t help that most characters are overly aggressive and drop F-bombs as though they’re going extinct. This is the kind of bad that makes you mad at the device that’s allowing it to stream.
Sequel: Cruel Summer – Part II
– (2022) – Survivors of multiple murders intend to turn their trauma into a stage play to cope with their traumas, while a masked killer murders random people. An incohesive pile of gibberish that has too much going on at once while never clarifying a single event. There are hardly any deaths and a distinct lack of all-around talent. Annoying.
– (2006) – Teens who avoid a roller coaster mishap are picked off by death itself. Lacks the dire impact in the opening tragedy that carried the first two entries, and only gets worse from there. A carbon copy of the original with much longer murder set-ups, but those murders sure are entertaining.
– (2000) – A man whose bones easily break singles out an indestructible security guard as a comic book hero. Slow going and a bit murky, but the premise is unique and the performances are believable. A solid origin story that doesn’t necessitate a follow up.
– (2015) – Deplorable characters take their prank show to a friend’s honeymoon and eventually encounter real horror. A painful look into the atrocious acts of idiots, cameras, and terrible senses of humor. Makes no sense, yet somehow pretends to have a point. A film by dumb bros for dumb bros.
Evil Bong 888: Infinity High
– (2022) – A bong oversees the kitchen of a new restaurant and provides an ingredient that makes guests horny. This is the kind of movie that’s stupid because it wants to be, and offers nothing more than cheap humor amid glorious nudity. Virtually plot free, as characters come and go without conflict or resolution, but overall it’s a silly way to spend an hour.
Primate
– (2025) – A group of friends vacate to Hawaii in an estate where they’re stalked and slaughtered by a rabid chimp. A throwback to simple slasher times when types gather to get mauled by a killer, only now the psycho is short and hairy. Doesn’t win points for plot progression or character growth, and too much time is spent in a pool, but the violence is satisfyingly grim.
Juan of the Dead
– (2011) – A band of deadbeats take on waves of undead Cubans. Borrows the tone and some themes from Shaun, but does enough on its own to certify legitimate merit. The finale is questionable, but getting there is fueled by fun characters and loads of humor.
The Plague of the Zombies
– (1966) – A doctor investigates voodoo related incidents that cause the dead to rise. Steadily builds an involving mystery through minimal horror and witty dialog. Hard to judge since the genre took the zombie notion to more exciting heights, but even for the atmosphere alone this is commendable.
Ghost of Camp Blood
– (2018) – The spirit of a dead serial killer possesses a paranormal investigator. Has the gall to believe anyone is longing for more Camp Blood movies, and has even more of a nerve by expecting anyone to want this cruddy series to continue. There’s simply nothing new here, and it’s all stunningly cheap, horribly acted, and misses the mark in providing any fun.
Frostbiter
– (1995) – When the spirit of a Wendigo is disrupted, hell breaks loose for hunters and a girl who’s tied to the legend. Has a ton of cheap craziness in the first half, but dissolves into a bore with cheesy highlights. Terrible, but not fun enough.