Don’t Turn Out the Lights
– (2023) – A group of friends on a road trip veer off their path and end up in the terrain of an evil force. While this is a very well made and solid looking film, it mostly fails thanks to two components: the script and the screaming. The story is a hodgepodge of characters wondering how things can get worse while they all endlessly yell at each other. Not much sense is made by the end, but the headache this leaves you with is formidable.
The Dark and the Wicked
– (2020) – Ensuing the suicide of their mother, two siblings experience more than a few twisted happenings on their farm. While this does feature components of a successful horror movie, notably gore and unpredictability, two key elements are missing: character depth and movement. A slow pace is fine if it helps us get to know the participants, but nobody in this is fleshed out beyond their reactions to terror.
Scream 7
– (2026) – Someone in a Ghostface mask is stalking the daughter of Sidney Prescott and anyone in her path. Begins by focusing on a mother with a dark past who’s trying to live a regular life and eventually has to help her child survive a supposed killer-returned. The only thing better than the nifty kills is the lack of tedious dialog that overwhelms Parts 4-6 when trying too hard to tie themselves to modern horror tropes. This is the most straightforward sequel since the original trilogy and, even though the killer’s reveal is just as lame as every other recent entry, the overall effort is mostly satisfying.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Blood and Porridge
– (2024) – A group of friends vacate to an isolated manor where they’re terrorized by people dressed as storybook characters. To say there’s nothing more to this would be a massive understatement. At its most clever this finds ways to reference the original Goldilocks story, but everything else is just another dry retread of The Strangers. Mostly well made, but does nothing at all memorable.
Backrooms
– (2026) – A down-on-his-luck furniture salesman discovers within his store a portal to a maze of rooms. Begins as a character study of the downtrodden coming across the unexpected, but that’s where the film peaks. The surreal imagery is too bright to offput or unnerve, while the lead becomes less engaging the more he progresses through a waking (soft) nightmare. Whether there’s an overall point or not I don’t know, but getting to the end gradually becomes a test of endurance.
Hokum
– (2026) – A misanthropic writer travels to an inn to spread his parents’ ashes, then finds himself dealing with a witch. From a horror perspective this isn’t bad. The scenery is stark and a couple of moments are truly chilling. From a dramatic perspective, however, this is mostly hollow. Most character interactions are simple on their own yet become convoluted when piled atop one another. The lead’s backstory is lifted straight from The Mutilator, yet is the only engaging arc of anyone involved. Decent, but dry.
– (2004) – A red hulk who’s brought to Earth from another dimension spends his life fighting evil while longing for a girl who has fiery powers. Stronger in character drama than action, as the cast elicits more emotion than anything involving CGI or villains. Never heavy, but does involve throughout despite repetition.
– (2008) – Hookers become demons that possess four of five male friends. A too-typical idea that’s demolished by atrocious acting, butt ugly hookers, and terrible CGI. All attempts at humor and horror fall completely flat.
– (1963) – A couple on their honeymoon encounter a vampire cult. Barely moves and doesn’t cover much ground. The mystery provides some mild involvement, but the rest is a total drag.
Hunters
– (2016) – Several innocent people fall victim to killers who won’t shut up about their takes on life. A miserable experience that does nothing but showcase one scene of torture after another. Has no plot, but displays high levels of hatred toward humanity.
Hungry
– (2026) – A group of people on a trip through a swamp encounter a massive hippo that shipwrecks them in the middle of nowhere. Harkens back to the nature amok films of the ’70s and ’80s in that the monster activity is saved until the end. Big mistake. Getting to any kind of creature mayhem feels like infinity since we’re stranded with some of the dullest characters ever complied for one film. Even when the beast does attack nothing memorable occurs.
My Boyfriend’s Back
– (1993) – A boy dies while saving the life of his crush, and returns to take her to the prom. Ridiculous in horror, comedy, and drama to the point where eye rolling becomes customary. Too corny to mean anything, but has a few funny bits.
Curse III: Blood Sacrifice
– (1991) – A pregnant woman becomes the target of a voodoo curse. Has an amazingly boring first 80-minutes before ending with an out-of-the-blue creature that offers too little too late. Too talky and hard to decipher.
Clownhouse
– (1989) – Three brothers are stalked by lunatic clowns while their parents are out. Has an okay concept that’s nearly destroyed by piss poor acting and a lagging pace. Provides clues to the behind-the-scenes controversy, but none affect how sour the story is.
Nightmare Weekend
– (1986) – A millionaire’s experiment with silver balls that can control and kill people leads to deceit. A complete mess that lacks any redeeming qualities. Never makes sense and ends without a resolution.