Amityville Aliens
– (2026) – Anthology of five stories that focus on disco-clad aliens, Halloween night aliens, aliens fighting thugs, an alien eating everything in sight, to a news segment about aliens. Begins with a telling of what actually happened within the coveted Amityville house, but then shifts gears toward short films that have nothing to do with the location. Despite some slight creative ambitions, this is just another dreadful means for friends to “make a movie” and pretend they’ll succeed in the industry. Fat chance, suckers.
Frenzy Moon
– (2025) – A group of friends stay at a cabin near where werewolves roam. The main answer: absolutely nothing. The main question: is anything about this remotely unique? Has a few brushes with cheese, notably a monster that that’s not unlike a hairy sock puppet, but most of this is remarkably stagnant. Much of the acting is stiff, and the lone gunman sounds too much like Jigsaw to take seriously. Would have worked better with more goofiness.
Minnie’s Midnight Massacre
– (2026) – Several years after seventh grade students torment a girl named Winnie Minnie, she plots her revenger against them while dressed as a mouse. Follows the same basic patterns as approximately five-thousand other revenge slashers, yet this one comes close to working. The acting isn’t half bad, some humor lands, and the finale does an okay job of setting up a sequel. The main problem is that even at its best this is merely okay.
Ready or Not 2: Here I Come
– (2026) – Two sisters fall prey to a cult that wants them dead over family purposes. Picks up where the previous entry left off, and straightaway suffers from the same issue: it’s not as funny as intended, especially when most of the “comedy” is the result of slapstick buffoonery. However, when this stops acting childish and takes itself seriously, there’s much to enjoy. The dialog between sisters is rank and the plot is a basic rehash of the original, but it moves fast, spills blood, and darkens enough toward the end to fully entertain.
Amityville: La Llorona
– (2025) – A middle aged pansy relies on the help of his zen partner to get over the deaths of his father and ex-girlfriend; then enters a ghost to make matters even more pathetic. This is okay at first in how uncomfortable the lead actors make every moment feel, but once the supposed “horror” begins unintentional hysterics reign in. Never forms a point, and only serves as a reminder as to why toddlers (or unserious adults) shouldn’t make movies.
Amityville Chupacabra
– (2025) – A few unsightly scientists engage with an escaped creature they ultimately intend to erase from their dimension. A no-budget snore with rotten acting, a poorly conceived script, an overly-bright ambiance, and a monster that resembles a broken Spirit Halloween animatronic. Pure junk (that has very little to do with the titular house), and quickly becomes a never-fun experience that (luckily) doesn’t last long.
– (1965) – Martians resurrect Godzilla and Rodan to take on their nemesis, Ghidrah. Has too little monster activity until the obnoxiously loud finale, as most of the plot focuses on chintzy aliens and their manipulative designs. Tedious, but too goofy to cause irritation.
– (1989) – A man moves into an old train car where a murdering, possessive ghost lurks. Not a whole lot happens, but the plot is involving enough to hold some interest. Makes one too many jokes, and horror is scarce.
– (2023) – A bear that ingests cocaine goes on a killing spree, much to the chagrin of the drug dealers who want their stock back. Pretty good when the bear is on the prowl, but rather drab when focused on the humans who aren’t as quirky as intended. Peaks with a wild paramedic scene, then gradually becomes a bore.
Slashed Dreams
– (1975) – A camping couple struggle to recover from or subdue their yokel assailants. Gets off to a busy start, then spends far too much time with two characters who don’t do much. The point is tired and the music is terrible.
Santa Jaws
– (2018) – A shark from a comic book ends up in shallow waters at Christmastime, and only the creator can end its reign. A deeply ridiculous outing that seems to have been built around the title, despite an appalling lack of holiday atmosphere. Still, it’s moderately fun and has an acceptable amount of cheesy charm.
Stag Night of the Dead
– (2010) – A group of friends hunt zombies during an overlong bachelor party. A horrible experience right out of the gate thanks to shoddy production values and impossibly unfunny humor. If this dud couldn’t bring an end to the zombie genre, nothing will.
Curse III: Blood Sacrifice
– (1991) – A pregnant woman becomes the target of a voodoo curse. Has an amazingly boring first 80-minutes before ending with an out-of-the-blue creature that offers too little too late. Too talky and hard to decipher.
Reunion Massacre
– (2014) – A young woman is invited to a high school reunion in an abandoned building where a masked killer lurks. It’s hard to classify this as an actual movie since nothing really happens throughout the incredibly long hour. Phones calls are made, decorations and put up, a sandwich is fixed, etc. There is a guy killing a couple of people, but his motive is as thin as one can get.
Bride of Killer Nerd
– (1992) – A complete imbecile and his moronic companion do away with their enemies on a joint spree. Improves upon the original simply because scenes don’t drag as long and the overall length is shorter. An inept attempt at entertainment.