The Dark and the Wicked
– (2020) – Ensuing the suicide of their mother, two siblings experience more than a few twisted happenings on their farm. While this does feature components of a successful horror movie, notably gore and unpredictability, two key elements are missing: character depth and movement. A slow pace is fine if it helps us get to know the participants, but nobody in this is fleshed out beyond their reactions to terror.
Scream 7
– (2026) – Someone in a Ghostface mask is stalking the daughter of Sidney Prescott and anyone in her path. Begins by focusing on a mother with a dark past who’s trying to live a regular life and eventually has to help her child survive a supposed killer-returned. The only thing better than the nifty kills is the lack of tedious dialog that overwhelms Parts 4-6 when trying too hard to tie themselves to modern horror tropes. This is the most straightforward sequel since the original trilogy and, even though the killer’s reveal is just as lame as every other recent entry, the overall effort is mostly satisfying.
Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Blood and Porridge
– (2024) – A group of friends vacate to an isolated manor where they’re terrorized by people dressed as storybook characters. To say there’s nothing more to this would be a massive understatement. At its most clever this finds ways to reference the original Goldilocks story, but everything else is just another dry retread of The Strangers. Mostly well made, but does nothing at all memorable.
Backrooms
– (2026) – A down-on-his-luck furniture salesman discovers within his store a portal to a maze of rooms. Begins as a character study of the downtrodden coming across the unexpected, but that’s where the film peaks. The surreal imagery is too bright to offput or unnerve, while the lead becomes less engaging the more he progresses through a waking (soft) nightmare. Whether there’s an overall point or not I don’t know, but getting to the end gradually becomes a test of endurance.
Hokum
– (2026) – A misanthropic writer travels to an inn to spread his parents’ ashes, then finds himself dealing with a witch. From a horror perspective this isn’t bad. The scenery is stark and a couple of moments are truly chilling. From a dramatic perspective, however, this is mostly hollow. Most character interactions are simple on their own yet become convoluted when piled atop one another. The lead’s backstory is lifted straight from The Mutilator, yet is the only engaging arc of anyone involved. Decent, but dry.
The Ugly Stepsister
– (2025) – A supposedly unattractive young woman goes great lengths to become beautiful in order to win over a prince. Showcases the physical and mental strains some women go through to impress those not worthy of their efforts. This is great looking, appropriately quirky, and at times downright disturbing. Wouldn’t be as effective without the lead actress’s pitch-perfect dissolve from hopelessly romantic to helplessly forlorn.
– (1979) – Anthology of three stories that focus on an urban legend, a green light, and a murderer. The told stories are awful in an ordinary sense, but the wraparound is unusually lame. Slow and repugnant nothingness that takes twenty long minutes just getting to the actual tales.
– (2005) – A paranormal investigator explores ancient relics that have ties to his orphan past. Moves quickly, which is pretty much the only upside to a sloppy plot that’s filled with hollow characters. A concoction of incoherent scenes.
– (2008) – The environment spreads a suicide plague that some dopey survivors attempt to outlast. Has a few surprising moments of violence, but none mean anything since the victims are either annoying or unknown. At best, the awful script and acting induce chuckles.
Return to Blood Fart Lake
– (2012) – A crew of spirit hunters travel to the spot of past killings, and eventually find the killer. Gets off to a humorous start, and remains so if you’re used to the humor of the director and his cast of regular cronies. The plot isn’t much, and horror comes in dribs and drabs, but there’s often an infectious sense of fun occurring amid extreme vulgarity.
Sharknado
– (2013) – A massive storm spreads sharks throughout the coasts of California. The premise leads to some dumb fun, but most of what happens is too purposefully idiotic to consider an honest mistake. Tries to mean something, but is merely a cause to enjoy better films.
Plan 9 from Outer Space
– (1959) – Human space aliens resurrect the dead on Earth. Ambitious to a nutty degree, but weighed down and destroyed by pitiful dialog. Bad on every filmmaking account, and annoyingly preachy, but its reputation suggests a fun watch which this certainly is not.
The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute
– (2012) – Hookers kill others and themselves in the name of a depraved pimp. Has something to do with voodoo, but is mostly a wannabe crime flick where the gangsters are impossible to take seriously. Mostly well made, but the inclusions of demonism don’t add up to anything.
Hell House LLC: Lineage
– (2025) – A woman is tormented by visions of the dead while on the path to her own supposed suicide. While competently shot, this is an impossible bore weighed down by a stale plot and whisper-quiet attractions. Nothing frightening ever occurs, nor anything of significant importance. Characters just talk, and talk , and talk about nothing at all engaging.
Tromeo & Juliet
– (1996) – A boy and girl of rival families fall in love, resulting in a ton of bloodshed. An often clever take on the Shakespeare story that never lets you forget it’s a Troma movie above all. Enjoyable throughout with plenty of humor and violence.