Amityville Shark House
– (2023) – A lousy real estate agent is tasked with selling a haunted house within three days or he’ll lose his job. First off, the actual Amityville house is only shown in the opening shot, as the rest takes place in a domicile that looks nothing like it. That aside, this is one of the rare Amityville titles to feature a functioning plot. It’s not a great plot, but there are advancements and a few rising stakes. Moves along just fine until abruptly ending without much resolution.
Hungry
– (2026) – A group of people on a trip through a swamp encounter a massive hippo that shipwrecks them in the middle of nowhere. Harkens back to the nature amok films of the ’70s and ’80s in that the monster activity is saved until the end. Big mistake. Getting to any kind of creature mayhem feels like infinity since we’re stranded with some of the dullest characters ever complied for one film. Even when the beast does attack nothing memorable occurs.
Return to Silent Hill
– (2026) – A man is baited into a mysterious town by his former lover, but instead finds another version of her among demonic creatures. Although the pace is slow enough that every point should be crystal clear, the plot (if you can call it that) is a jumbled mess. The human aspects don’t take long to mean nothing, though the horror aspects are fairly decent as the atmosphere and bouts of gore are noteworthy. On par with the less-than-stellar prior entries.
The Laksman
– (2026) – A group of friends attend a Halloween attraction where a masked killer lurks. While that’s the basic premise, there’s little follow through to an actual story since most scenes consist of a female hick who simply won’t shut up. Her perpetual screeching would ruin any particular scene, yet she appears in the bulk. That annoyance aside, this is still an abysmal output since the killer has no central meaning and his murders are few.
Amityville Rex
– (2026) – A priest, a cop, and a woman accused of financial fraud contend with a demonic dinosaur. Sort of fun when dealing with the cheap FX, but loses interest when pretending to have a plot. The acting isn’t great, either, but it’s only 69-minutes and does move briskly. Entertains when doling out cheese, and is slightly better than many other Amityville crapfests.
Don’t Turn Out the Lights
– (2023) – A group of friends on a road trip veer off their path and end up in the terrain of an evil force. While this is a very well made and solid looking film, it mostly fails thanks to two components: the script and the screaming. The story is a hodgepodge of characters wondering how things can get worse while they all endlessly yell at each other. Not much sense is made by the end, but the headache this leaves you with is formidable.
– (1979) – Investigative journey to a remote island quickly turns into an undead nightmare. Moves rather slow, and the plot is easy to ignore, but a foreboding aura of death always keeps attention high. Piles on quite a few memorable scenes, including an absurd shark fight and what could be the most nerve wracking murder in horror history (think broken wood).
– (2023) – Small town friends investigate a man who’s buried in ancient grounds and returns with serious behavioral issues. An unbelievably bland excursion that pits whispering, mumbling characters against a plot that barely moves. By the end not many advancements are reached, but the charitable length does help one maintain much needed patience.
– (1955) – An abusive husband is murdered by his wife and mistress, but the real problem arises when his body disappears. Has a quiet and slow building mystery with a couple of surprises, but the twist is rather predictable. Somewhat creepy, though tension is lacking.
2001 Maniacs
– (2005) – Friends and strangers on their way to Daytona end up in hillbilly hell. A fast paced and vivid outing with solid characters and loads of over-the-top gore. Not exactly rocket science, but enjoyable from start to finish.
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey II
– (2024) – Animals once abandoned by a human continue their destructive ways. There’s really not plot to speak of, as the only story relates to the occurrences of the first film, but I doubt anyone will show up for the narrative. Those coming for the violence certainly won’t be let down, as the murders deliver some truly heavy punches. Thin but brutal.
Trailer Park of Terror
– (2008) – Troubled teens on a religious retreat become stranded in a trailer park where dead inhabitants dwell. Has some good ideas, but most of their executions are sloppy and awkward. The horror elements help maintain interest within all the familiar aspects.
Massage Parlor of Death
– (2015) – A masseuse kills her patrons in the name of voodoo and resurrection. A 61-minute mess that barely has a story and is highlighted by some of the worst gore (spaghetti sauce) ever filmed. There are some amusements throughout, and every actor seems in on the joke, but it’s hard to consider this an actual movie.
Clowns of Halloween
– (2019) – Anthology of three stories that focus on a killer clown, a killer doll clown, and another killer clown. The first story shows some signs of life, but the second is a basic repeat only with a toy, while the third is a stagnant bore. Yet another backyard effort by those with no clue how to tell one tale, let alone three.
Blades
– (1989) – A lawnmower attacks golf course personnel during a tournament. Most amusing when spoofing Jaws, but does nothing original on its own. One the dullest lead actors in horror helps this go nowhere.