Psycho Killer
– (2026) – A police officer pursues the man who kills her husband (a fellow cop) as he continues his spree in the name of Satan. Though the plot does have elevations, they’re so languid and unoriginal that halfway through one might not find themselves caring about the outcome. Worse are the moments of implausibility, as one singular film has rarely featured so many laughably illogical moments. Sadly, even the violence is lacking.
Amityville Shark House
– (2023) – A lousy real estate agent is tasked with selling a haunted house within three days or he’ll lose his job. First off, the actual Amityville house is only shown in the opening shot, as the rest takes place in a domicile that looks nothing like it. That aside, this is one of the rare Amityville titles to feature a functioning plot. It’s not a great plot, but there are advancements and a few rising stakes. Moves along just fine until abruptly ending without much resolution.
Hungry
– (2026) – A group of people on a trip through a swamp encounter a massive hippo that shipwrecks them in the middle of nowhere. Harkens back to the nature amok films of the ’70s and ’80s in that the monster activity is saved until the end. Big mistake. Getting to any kind of creature mayhem feels like infinity since we’re stranded with some of the dullest characters ever complied for one film. Even when the beast does attack nothing memorable occurs.
Return to Silent Hill
– (2026) – A man is baited into a mysterious town by his former lover, but instead finds another version of her among demonic creatures. Although the pace is slow enough that every point should be crystal clear, the plot (if you can call it that) is a jumbled mess. The human aspects don’t take long to mean nothing, though the horror aspects are fairly decent as the atmosphere and bouts of gore are noteworthy. On par with the less-than-stellar prior entries.
The Laksman
– (2026) – A group of friends attend a Halloween attraction where a masked killer lurks. While that’s the basic premise, there’s little follow through to an actual story since most scenes consist of a female hick who simply won’t shut up. Her perpetual screeching would ruin any particular scene, yet she appears in the bulk. That annoyance aside, this is still an abysmal output since the killer has no central meaning and his murders are few.
Amityville Rex
– (2026) – A priest, a cop, and a woman accused of financial fraud contend with a demonic dinosaur. Sort of fun when dealing with the cheap FX, but loses interest when pretending to have a plot. The acting isn’t great, either, but it’s only 69-minutes and does move briskly. Entertains when doling out cheese, and is slightly better than many other Amityville crapfests.
– (1981) – Scientists travel to a radioactive island where a zombie is on the loose. The movie itself is rotten, but the graphic sex scenes are almost justified by characters who otherwise face standard movie situations. Features a lot more porno than holocaust.
– (1964) – A man who returns home with a new bride is tormented by the “ghost” of his dead wife. Moves at a crawl and has more talking than progressive action. A total dramatic bore that lacks human emotion.
– (1995) – Cave dwellers are hunted by a hairy beast with a knack for killing. Works best when showcasing the monster in its goofy glory, but too many moments are wasted on characters sitting around. The carnage is beneficial, but there’s not much of it.
Terror at Blood Fart Lake
– (2009) – A group of friends vacate to a wooded cabin where a masked killer lurks. Amusing early on, but the highly energetic characters and their jokes can’t help but beat themselves to death after a short while. Funny and creative one moment, kind of annoying the next. Still fun, though.
White Dog
– (1982) – A dog trained to kill African Americans is put through trials of rehabilitation. Makes a strong case for social injustice through animals, but some actions are more improbable than innovative. Mostly enjoyable, and ultimately upsetting.
Range 15
– (2016) – A group of soldiers take on the zombie armageddon with much glee and cursing. This is one of those occasions where if you don’t laugh within the first five minutes, you won’t laugh at all (unless you’re high). Constantly attempts jokes amid a common horror backdrop, but aside from a chuckle or two, nothing is funny and the bro jargon gets old fast.
Shock ‘Em Dead
– (1991) – A waste of life sells his soul to become the world’s biggest rock star, but has to become a band member to get started? Doesn’t make sense, but moves at a steady pace, has Traci Lords, and offers some okay ideas. Equally bad and amusing.
Evil Bong 777
– (2018) – Friends and enemies travel to Las Vegas to share in puppet debauchery. An assortment of gags, mostly of the smut variety, that never feel like part of an actual movie. This series has clearly been shot at once and chopped into short segments that, while outrageous, never mean squat.
Father’s Day
– (2011) – A vigilante who once killed the wrong person hunts for the culprit who’s murdering fathers. Tries hard to offend through religion, rape, and self-mutilation, but is too dull to warrant any concern. The gimmick of having been shot in the ’80s simply doesn’t work, as this is clearly drivel of the ’10s.