The Ugly Stepsister
– (2025) – A supposedly unattractive young woman goes great lengths to become beautiful in order to win over a prince. Showcases the physical and mental strains some women go through to impress those not worthy of their efforts. This is great looking, appropriately quirky, and at times downright disturbing. Wouldn’t be as effective without the lead actress’s pitch-perfect dissolve from hopelessly romantic to helplessly forlorn.
Scary Movie (2026)
– (2026) – Someone’s stalking the children of the main characters of the original Scary Movie. That’s basically the entire plot, since any other story intentions are lost to an assault of jokes. While there are no huge laughs, and some humor lands with a thud, there’s plenty to chuckle over throughout thanks largely to the antics of returning cast members from prior entries (this is Part 6). Feels as though it was edited with a hand mixer, as scenes come and go without cohesion, but by the end just-enough fun is had.
The Serpent’s Skin
– (2025) – A new girl in a violent town befriends a tattoo artist who becomes a demon. Mainly consists of drama among relationships, whether casual or exclusive, and doesn’t do too much as far as horror is concerned, which is fine because anything related to horror is the lesser aspect. Not the worst as far as dramas go, but still drags us through one same-old motion after another.
Arbor Day
– (1990) – A boy who once saw his parents get mauled by a bear on Arbor Day murders people when the holiday rolls around again. Though some jokes don’t work, and one character is particularly annoying, when the humor lands a lot of laughs are had. It’s cheap, it’s crude, and it’s nonsensical, but all of those factors lead to a surprisingly fun time.
Lee Cronin’s The Mummy
– (2026) – The demonic soul of a mummy is vomited into a small child, which turns her evil much to the chagrin of her family. Has some brushes with decency when piling on blood and gore, but that only accounts for a small portion of the proceedings. Most of the overlong 135-minute length is dedicated to drop dead dull dramatic progressions. Also, there’s barely a mummy, as this is basically a dry hybrid of The Exorcist and Evil Dead. All of which begs the question: who’s Lee Cronin?
Faces of Death (2026)
– (2026) – An online content moderator investigates supposed snuff videos that imitate the 1979 Faces of Death “documentary.” The premise isn’t half bad, as it intends to turn faux tragedies into real crimes, but the execution is far too bland to work. The concept simply can’t excite since it falls victim to every lame horror movie trope, notably the sluggish pace and paltry acting. Plus, the whole algorithm remake theory isn’t entirely plausible.
– (2005) – A guy puts together a reality show on an island that’s inhabited by zombie pirates. The editing stinks, the soundtrack is distracting, and the production is dirt cheap. However, the length is short, the pace is fast, and fun is almost had.
– (2010) – Survivors in and around a hospital try to outlast a zombie outbreak. Acts as though it’s the first undead movie in creation, though every single moment (from tired horror devices to corny dramatics) has been seen a thousand times. A sad excuse for horror and film in general.
– (1998) – An Internet predator lures men and women into his homemade torture traps. One of the first films to test the waters of web-based horror, and one of the last thanks to trite characters, cliched advancements, and a corny villain. A ridiculous and soulless experience.
Halloween II (2009)
– (2009) – Laurie Strode nears the brink of madness while coping with her previous and recent encounters with Michael Myers. A vast improvement over the remake thanks to sympathetic characters, a brisk pace, and an absolute killing machine in Myers. A nightmare constructed of brutal violence and surreal imagery. Not for the weak.
Spring Break Shark Attack
– (2005) – Teens on vacation encounter a swarm of killer sharks. The horror plays second fiddle to pubescent dramatics, but the situations are never outright bad. Could have used more bite, but is easily digestible.
The Supernaturals
– (1986) – Soldiers on a training mission encounter dead Civil War troops. Gets off to a somewhat promising start, but tends to drag more often than not. The zombie activity is scarce, but the mysteriousness isn’t bad.
Vault of Horror
– (1973) – Anthology of five stories that focus on vampires, a neat freak, a magical rope, a buried man and a voodoo artist. Each tale is pretty bland, but they often finish unpredictably. Moves fast, but never raises the creep factor above moderate.
The Devil’s Rejects
– (2005) – A depraved family wreaks havoc on innocent civilains while a disturbed cop tracks them down. Follows a different path than its predecessor, House of 1000 Corpses, and as such is much more focused and absorbing. The violence is brutal, yet the despicable “bad guys” are hard to root against. A dynamic study of humanity’s darkest roots.
Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator
– (1989) – A wealthy married couple takes role playing games to heights of murder. Has a ton of twists that are hard to see coming, but that’s as good as this gets. Too many scenes drag and characters are surprisingly hollow considering the great lengths they go to entertain themselves.