– (2016) – The survivor of the previous entry watches a movie with her mother and recounts past footage to a shrink. One of the laziest, ugliest, and least resourceful heaps of dung to ever disgrace an internet stream. Built on scenes from other lousy movies, while anything new is preposterously inept.
– (2016) – A group of friends visit the site of past murders and are stalked by a killer in a clown mask. How bad is this? Let’s count the ways. 1. There are too many stagnant shots of random things. 2. The acting stinks. 3. The story and its flashbacks make no sense. 4. Has an open ending as though anyone would want this garbage to continue.
– (2005) – A reality show is filmed on the grounds where the previous entries took place and, sure enough, someone in a clown mask is picking everyone off. Attempts something unique (for the time), but still succumbs to the same low-budget trappings that destroys its independent credibility. A humorless, goreless, careless waste of time.
– (2000) – A film crew intends to make a movie based on real camp murders, and bring along the only survivor, but find someone else picking them off. As far as zero-budget backyard sequels go, this isn’t the worst, but the story and character angles are missing. Has moments of brutality, but it’s too cheap and drab to consider a success.
– (2014) – A tri-cloven hoofed animal is spreading terror among small town citizens. A slow builder that requires patience, but midway through one can clearly realize this isn’t going anywhere special. The characters mumble from one dry scene to the next, and never capture the emotion necessary to make the attempted tension work.
– (2016) – A creature is picking off dimwits who f**k on its killing ground. Essentially has no f**king plot, as this is merely a means to have lousy f**king actors have partially clothed sex. Good for some okay f**king nudity, but anyone looking for solid f**king entertainment need steer f**king clear.
– (2014) – Nazis are separated from one another ensuing a plane mishap and end up in woods where cannibals dwell. Runs 96 minutes, but if you remove all the slo-mo shots this would easily lose a half hour. Though a few rants are humorous, there are more close-ups of butt cheeks than anything that advances an actual plot.
– (2015) – A large man who carts around large pancakes is picking off teens from a church retreat. There’s virtually no plot, and most everything from a slasher sense has been seen before, but this doesn’t take itself seriously and has a ton of momentum, which helps it stand out from the pack. Provides plenty and boobs and blood, and has a particularly creative kill when someone is halved.
– (2012) – A group of friends drive to Maine to see Stephen King’s house, and are picked off by someone who requires silence. Moves fast and has a lot going on, but nothing unique ever occurs despite the clever title. Somewhat fun, but has too many moments worth groaning over, especially the ones dealing with racial stereotypes.