– (2016) – Three scientists and an MTA worker hunt the harbinger of ghosts to prevent Armageddon. Strives to become a big budget F/X extravaganza for the ages, but quickly becomes a waste of money thanks to an abundance of dead jokes and irritating characters. Busy in structure, but barely entertaining.
– (2016) – Godzilla resurfaces in Japan and spawns into a huge problem. Moves at bullet speed, has few shots that last longer than four seconds, and never lingers long enough to get to know anyone. Does have one great night scene of Godzilla mayhem, but the bulk of this consists of rapid discussions of how to bring him down.
– (2016) – Whirlwinds of sharks (and cows) wreak havoc across the country, laying waste to washed up celebrities and those with no future. Gets off to an awesomely bombastic start in Las Vegas, but then settles into the safe corn this series thrives on. Goes to absurd places, and does have some fun vibes.
– (2017) – Five cars race across America and aim for pedestrians as their point achievements. A remake that keeps some of the original’s craziness, but the tongue-in-cheek nature of such oddities is lost to an overall lack of focus. One of cinema’s worst edited movies in existence as scenes and events come and go with little to no cohesion. Also, the F/X are terrible.
– (1993) – Scientists head to a bayou to explore the presence of an alien with human DNA. Despite a few attempts to elicit excitement in the final act, nothing that appears throughout comes close to meaning anything. Humor, sleaze, and monster activities are all lacking, though scenes of uselessness are in high supply.
– (1994) – An alien with human DNA is hunted by separate parties whose intentions are exploiting or destroying the rubber beast. At first appears as low-level wretch, but gradually includes so much appreciative cheapness that fun becomes a valid option. Has blood, nudity, and enough humor to provide a moderately good time.
– (2010) – In an alternate future, people are genetically enhanced to not show emotion in their provided social status, but some oppose this action. Does an okay job attempting a dystopian look from a technological standpoint, but the budget is simply too small to make it fully work. The story is a pitiful blend of confusion and characters who lack any sort of emotional significance.
– (2016) – Reggie wanders through time and space seeking his friends while trying to destroy his adversary. Works well as a continuation of the surreal series, but comes up short as the definitive outcome. Feels as though nobody will ever explain what the franchise means, and at some points gives the notion that the creators figured it was best to make one more entry while everyone was still alive. Has moments that will please Phantasm fans, but newcomers will be lost.
– (2005) – Tourists and business investors fall victim to genetically engineered meat eaters. Some character interactions aren’t terrible, but that’s the most this crap offers. Everyone involved drifts from place to place, while others remain stagnant, as scenes of action/horror lie in wait. The F/X are appalling, and rarely in a humorous way.
– (1983) – A repairman investigates an elevator that’s causing mysterious deaths. Aside from one great decapitation, this focuses more on the mystery of computer chips than anything related to horror. The characters are somewhat distinct, but there’s not much for them to do but wade from one flat scene to the next.