– (2018) – Troubled young women performing community service on Christmas Eve end up working in the house of a killer. Gets off to an atrocious start, as a few characters are obnoxious beyond belief, but eventually settles into a dull rhythm of mediocrity. Horror doesn’t hit until after the hour mark, which doesn’t help matters.
– (2018) – Those who intend to end shark storms travel through time in order to save humankind. Despite the busy structure and occasional brushes with humor, the sense that this has all been seen before is overwhelming. Nothing occurs that didn’t already transpire in previous entries of this mostly awful series.
– (2018) – A murderous scarecrow who killed in the past is back to frighten people. Okay when setting things up, but the saving graces (blood and nudity) all but disappear after the first act. This is mostly a strained comedy that beats the joke of mistaken identity to death.
– (1973) – A presidential aide who’s bitten by a werewolf becomes one and terrorizes Washington D.C. Despite some minor brushes with the titular villain attacking random people, this moves at a crawl from start to finish. Free of blood, working humor, and an overall purpose.
– (2015) – A masseuse kills her patrons in the name of voodoo and resurrection. A 61-minute mess that barely has a story and is highlighted by some of the worst gore (spaghetti sauce) ever filmed. There are some amusements throughout, and every actor seems in on the joke, but it’s hard to consider this an actual movie.
– (2018) – Patrons who gather for an auction at the estate of a doll maker are picked off by his dolls. There’s not much of a plot, and none of the characters have depth, but the gore quotient is highly impressive. Not as dull as many other entries, as there is much needed momentum, but excitement comes in fits and starts.
– (2012) – A mullet from a redneck planet turns regular people into white trash. There isn’t much horror involved, which isn’t as bad as the notion that there isn’t much comedy either. A dull and unintriguing low-low-low-budget venture.
– (2017) – A team of ghost hunters take on a variety of troubles while dealing with each other’s wacky personas. For every point of tedium there are some truly funny moments that distract from the disjointed plot. By now you should know what to expect from the cast and director involved, which is short, cheesy fun.
– (2013) – Movie theater employees plan a horror marathon while a guy who lives in the stockroom picks them off. Doesn’t make much sense, and the plot is all over the place, but there are a few genuine laughs throughout. The cheese won’t be for everyone, but at only 65-minutes you might not suffer long.
– (2012) – A group of friends summon hillbilly forces that turn them into white trash. Not unlike any other Chris Seaver film in that it’s cheap and obnoxious, yet occasionally very funny. The resolution to the redneck dilemma is especially crafty, and there are worse ways to spend 45-minutes.
