– (2014) – Nazis are separated from one another ensuing a plane mishap and end up in woods where cannibals dwell. Runs 96 minutes, but if you remove all the slo-mo shots this would easily shave a half hour. Though a few rants are humorous, there are more sots of buttcheeks than anything that advances an actual plot.
– (1999) – A young woman applies for a secretary job yet is fondled and stripped nude over the course of an hour. That’s it. That’s the movie. Granted, Erin Brown is extremely attractive, but watching her get humiliated for such a long stretch is discomforting. Eventually winds down on a note of eating the lead actress, which is the most plot this offers.
– (2016) – A group of friends on a Spring Break vacation encounter a killer who spreads his murderous plague. The characters are pure stock, but the horror does try to make up for such shortcomings. Within the first half hour is necrophilia, rape, scat, tampon eating, urine drinking, and vomiting. If that sounds like fun, climb on board, if not, run from this as fast as you can.
– (2015) – A large man who carts around large pancakes is picking off teens from a church retreat. There’s virtually no plot, and most everything from a slasher sense has been seen before, but this doesn’t take itself seriously and has a ton of momentum, which helps it stand out from the pack. Provides plenty and boobs and blood, and has a particularly creative kill when someone is halved.
– (1979) – A monstrous fish is on the prowl near a vacation resort, to the dismay of the resort’s owner. Best when moving fast and showing camaraderie among colorful characters, but too many slow areas bog down the fun. Gloriously goofy at times, with some okay gore and decent female eye candy.
– (1976) – A female film director seeks a male for her latest low budget movie, which happens to upset a giant ape. Strives hard for cult consideration, and might garner attention as a curiosity, but too much of this is flat out dull. The jokes that work occasionally work well, but the failing jokes leave behind a wretched stench.
– (2008) – A football team crash lands in the Himalayas and are picked off by a Sasquatch. Takes the key components of Alive, and throws in a ridiculous looking monster to further disrupt the lives of atrocious brats. Has a few awful/fun moments, but most are just plain awful.
– (1995) – A vampire spreads his curse while Van Helsing and others aim to stop him. Packs a ton of jokes into the scant running time, but very few actually work. Considerably lame on most occasions, though it does move fast and has a light, carefree tone.
– (2012) – A group of friends drive to Maine to see Stephen King’s house, and are picked off by someone who requires silence. Moves fast and has a lot going on, but nothing unique ever occurs despite the clever title. Somewhat fun, but has too many moments worth groaning over, especially the ones dealing with racial stereotypes.
– (2017) – Anthology of four stories that focus on starvation, a dead father, desert creatures, and a vicious son. The first story has some mild moments of intrigue, but the following tales rank as senseless gibberish. Cheap in production value and lacks significance.
