– (1976) – A female film director seeks a male for her latest low budget movie, which happens to upset a giant ape. Strives hard for cult consideration, and might garner attention as a curiosity, but too much of this is flat out dull. The jokes that work occasionally work well, but the failing jokes leave behind a wretched stench.
– (2017) – A woman who’s been battling a corporate viral outbreak for many years returns to the epicenter of her problems to end all the madness. Follows the same formula as the previous entries by placing computerized technology over any human traits. A jumbled mess that has no flow, no involvement, and no reassurance that this is actually the end.
– (2016) – A vampire in a shiny leather coat aims to stop her kind from fighting werewolves in shiny leather coats. Yet another preposterous, pompous, and pretentious entry in a never-ending series that continues to take itself too seriously despite a severe lack of originality. Bloated CGI mumbo jumbo for an audience that couldn’t possible be asking for more entries.
– (2016) – Godzilla resurfaces in Japan and spawns into a huge problem. Moves at bullet speed, has few shots that last longer than four seconds, and never lingers long enough to get to know anyone. Does have one great night scene of Godzilla mayhem, but the bulk of this consists of rapid discussions of how to bring him down.
– (2016) – Whirlwinds of sharks (and cows) wreak havoc across the country, laying waste to washed up celebrities and those with no future. Gets off to an awesomely bombastic start in Las Vegas, but then settles into the safe corn this series thrives on. Goes to absurd places, and does have some fun vibes.
– (2017) – Five cars race across America and aim for pedestrians as their point achievements. A remake that keeps some of the original’s craziness, but the tongue-in-cheek nature of such oddities is lost to an overall lack of focus. One of cinema’s worst edited movies in existence as scenes and events come and go with little to no cohesion. Also, the F/X are terrible.
– (1994) – An alien with human DNA is hunted by separate parties whose intentions are exploiting or destroying the rubber beast. At first appears as low-level wretch, but gradually includes so much appreciative cheapness that fun becomes a valid option. Has blood, nudity, and enough humor to provide a moderately good time.
– (2016) – A senator who opposes Purge Night becomes the focus of purgers. A contender for one of the worst scripts ever shot for a major motion picture, as the dialog merely inflicts racism among characters who do nothing but state their social status amid a supposed social nightmare. There’s hardly anyone on the streets of this daunting night, meaning tension is lost to awful actors who strike poses in place of striking fear.
– (2016) – Reggie wanders through time and space seeking his friends while trying to destroy his adversary. Works well as a continuation of the surreal series, but comes up short as the definitive outcome. Feels as though nobody will ever explain what the franchise means, and at some points gives the notion that the creators figured it was best to make one more entry while everyone was still alive. Has moments that will please Phantasm fans, but newcomers will be lost.
– (2016) – A reporter and his ragtag cohorts battle against zombies and a government plan to kill the living infected. Has much more to do with conspiracies and computer hacking than the angry dead, which wouldn’t be a problem had the story not been so ordinary and stale. A dime-a-dozen bore with stiff pacing and meaningless action.